Female coworker, 59 y.o., married, Gemini sign...is she flirting or being friendly?

[Plutarh]

I am asking myself questions about the meaning of some behaviors and words of a colleague at work.
I am wondering if it is pure conversation and a desire to be frienfly or flirting in the romantic sense or flirting for the sake of flirting?

As a general presentation, it is a 59-year-old woman, married.
In turn, I am married, I am 38 years old, I specify from the very beginning that there is no question of any romantic relationship, either currently or in the past, with the person in question.
I am not pursuing any interest of any kind.

She is the female colleague with who I work on the same tasks, with who I collaborate best for over 7 years. I myself campaigned alongside the manager at the time for her to join our team, knowing that she is a hardworking person.

Below are some situations to give you an idea of her personality (by the way, she is a Gemini):

- when we walk in the hallways or in the yard, if she sees a colleague from a distance, she greets him/her and even waves;
- she talks a lot about any topic and gets into conversations with colleagues from other departments, asks for details, asks questions in parallel fields that she has no competence or connection to and likes to say that she would be good at those fields here too, getting into a lot of trouble;
- she makes repetitive jokes or if she gets fixated on an idea, a phrase, she repeats it for days in a row in various contexts;
- when she worked in another department, she would go to other departments to gather information and do her job, an opportunity she used to criticize some of her colleagues and complain that she didn't get along with them;
- from the departments where she left, she worked in two more places, she kept arguing with her colleagues whom she criticized throughout the building.
- she is not liked or accepted very well by others due to her behaviour.

Now, situations that may or may not be flirting:

In the past, an unmarried colleague, 5 years younger than her, who made rather inappropriate jokes with almost all his female colleagues, had started to address her as a "little kitten". Totally inappropriate in the work environment. She never said anything to him. Moreover, one morning she told him in the hallway that he seemed asleep and he kissed her on the cheek. She didn't say anything, she laughed a little. Very akward situation for the others. Another time, she was talking to him about various things related to the job and joking, and I noticed that they looked into each other's eyes for a long time in silence. Another young female colleague saw that too and asked me after if our player male colleague knows that our female colleague is married (he knew that because she told her).
Another time, without any connection, she told him in the hallway that she was angry with him for not taking her intoaccount, what wasn't true.
This male colleague criticized her behind her back and said she was not good at anything and she always came to him to ask for information to do her job.
Years passed, there was nothing between them, now she barely speaks to him anymore, finding out how he criticized her to other colleagues.

We have a colleague who works in another field, in our office, who is single, has never been married. In addition to the fact that she talks to him a lot and asks him for information about his work, which is not related to her work, she once asked him how old he was and when he said 58 years old she said she thought he was somewhere around 50. This colleague always wears a T-shirt, goes to the gym, has a normal to athletic physique although he does not have prominent biceps. Another colleague, also 60 years old, told her about this colleague that he wears a T-shirt to impress younger colleagues and she commented that she had no concerns about his age.

In various circumstances, the person I am talking about said that she is old in her 59 y.o. age, as if expecting compliments from other colleagues that she looked much younger and so on. The others refrained from commenting.

Sometimes in situations where she upset me with what she said to me, small things related to daily activity, I withdrew and did not talk to her that day, did I not take her into account? Being a Gemini, this annoys her the most and later told me this that I was uppset on her and didn't talk to her...

Reading all of the above, does it seem to you that this is flirting or a desire to communicate and always be the center of attention specific to the Gemini sign?

[Gebidozo]

I find it very strange that you are so concerned with the behavior of a coworker.

She hasn’t been behaving inappropriately with you, has she?

Then why are you so obsessed with her potentially flirty behavior with other men?

Why the weirdly detailed analysis, complete with astrological mumbo-jumbo?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Plutarh said:

does it seem to you that this is flirting or a desire to communicate and always be the center of attention specific to the Gemini sign?

I am a Gemini too and none of what you describe has anything to do with her date of birth. 

She doesn't appear to be flirting with anyone. Why are you so invested in all of their behaviour? It doesn't seem to be connected to you in any way. 

 

[Sony12]

Based on what you have mentioned she just sounds extremely chatty but not necessarily overly flirtatious or attempting to come on to people. Some people just enjoy being conversational at the workplace. There was nothing in your post that made it sound like she was asking individuals at the workplace out or attempting to hook-up with them. She just seems very chatty. Something workplace conversations do border on becoming inappropriate for the workplace environment but it doesn't mean they are trying to be flirtatious with anyone. Just means they like to chat while at work.

Believe me if she were trying to have sex with anyone at work you would likely know.

[Sanch62]

16 hours ago, Plutarh said:

I am not pursuing any interest of any kind.

Everything following this statement says otherwise. You're both married, so conduct yourself as such and let her make an unprofessional ass out of herself if she so desires.

Not your monkey, not your circus. Move your focus onto productive things.

[Sony12]

In my experience when people are interested in having more then a basic workplace friendship they make it very clear that they are interested in having more.

What the OP has described is basically someone who is simply a little chatty at work.

[ShyViolet]

Astrology is nonsense.  And it's unclear why you are so fixated on this woman's behavior.  Why does it matter so much to you?

[Plutarh]

On 3/2/2026 at 4:46 AM, Gebidozo said:

I find it very strange that you are so concerned with the behavior of a coworker.

She hasn’t been behaving inappropriately with you, has she?

Then why are you so obsessed with her potentially flirty behavior with other men?

Why the weirdly detailed analysis, complete with astrological mumbo-jumbo?

Because I try to understand her behaviour.

Sometimes there is a difference between what she says in terms of principles/values of life and her behaviour.

Sometimes she is very rude,critic, direct toward me.

For the exemple she said nothing to the workmate who called her little kitty or other time kissed her on the check suddenly on the halway one morning when she said good morning to him. For me this is inapropriate behaviour.

When there was a free dialogue regarding some events from the past, not regarding the job, and I said an opinion she told me you were 5 y.o. than you know nothing, your opinion is bullshit. 

And I see such an opposite behaviour totally unffair. I was the person who taljed to the manager for her to come in our department, I've teached her all I know and all she knows now regarding our speciffic duties.

Sometimes I feel dissappointed about her.

[Plutarh]

On 3/4/2026 at 4:49 PM, ShyViolet said:

Astrology is nonsense.  And it's unclear why you are so fixated on this woman's behavior.  Why does it matter so much to you?

When I see a difference between what she thinks in term of values/principles of life and what she acts I feel very disappointed.

Gemini is a dual sign.

She tends to be very critique and rude with people who helped her and help her constantly and very pleased with some jerk of coworkers. In the past one such a coworker 24 y.o. made her a FB account without her consent (took her a photo in the office). She made a big scandal and that coworker deleted the FB account in a few hours.

Ten years later lets say that when talking to him she called him its a good coworker and a special person for her. :)) It was a simple dialogue nothing flirty but...come on...that guy took a photo without your consent and made you a social media account. When I remembered that to her she said she forgot, it was a mistake (a mistake doesn't mean intention and that action was done with direct intention).

[Plutarh]

On 3/4/2026 at 4:49 PM, ShyViolet said:

Astrology is nonsense.  And it's unclear why you are so fixated on this woman's behavior.  Why does it matter so much to you?

She matters to me because I the coworker with who I due all the hard work and I count very much on her.

[Plutarh]

On 3/2/2026 at 7:23 PM, Sanch62 said:

Everything following this statement says otherwise. You're both married, so conduct yourself as such and let her make an unprofessional ass out of herself if she so desires.

Not your monkey, not your circus. Move your focus onto productive things.

You are right not my monkey not my circus.

Not interested romantically in each other, is non sense.

But I've described in posts above that I don't understand that lack of being constant in her values/principles. 

How can a person be rude, angry at someone who helped her just because took part in a simple and general chat.

Other time she said that I have the behaviout to control everything. Why? Because other coworkers from different departments trust my opinion and come to ask me different things related to job. 

She is angry because they don't ask her but she took part activelly in the explanation/dialogue.

Difficult to.understand such a behaviour.

Edited yesterday at 01:36 PM by Plutarh

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, Plutarh said:

For the exemple she said nothing to the workmate who called her little kitty or other time kissed her on the check suddenly on the halway one morning when she said good morning to him. For me this is inapropriate behaviour.

When there was a free dialogue regarding some events from the past, not regarding the job, and I said an opinion she told me you were 5 y.o. than you know nothing, your opinion is bullshit. 

And I see such an opposite behaviour totally unffair.

Why?

There Is nothing unfair here. She probably likes that other guy and doesn’t like you very much, that’s all.

If she is rude to you just stop talking to her.

Your obsession with her behavior towards other people is strange.

[ExpatInItaly]

If you have a problem with her, speak to HR. 

4 hours ago, Plutarh said:

Not interested romantically in each other

It appears very much that you have a crush on her and are hurt that she doesn't reciprocate. 

[Plutarh]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If you have a problem with her, speak to HR. 

It appears very much that you have a crush on her and are hurt that she doesn't reciprocate. 

We work in the same company since 2010, same office in the first year, different departments for the next 8 years but we had to collaborate each day (working together on the same project) and after that she came in our department and worked directly with me in the same room, learned a lot from me. I was happy to share my knowledge and experience with a hardworking person like her.

Crush? That's funny. We are both happily married. The age gap between us is about 19 years. We have been together on work duties, in a period of 2 years, in other region for periods of 3-4 days. We've stayed in hotels, different rooms, obvious. We have gone to cinema, bar, restaurant together. Nothing happened, we never thaught about something to happen. It's ridiculous.

We considered each other good work colleagues, maybe even friends. I know her hubby, her mother, she knows my wife, my mother. Between us it's a proffesional relation based on trust, no place for romance.

I can't understand her behaviour. Why someone can tolerate people with a bad or rude behaviour and be rude with people who have been kind and helpfull to them?

[Plutarh]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Why?

There Is nothing unfair here. She probably likes that other guy and doesn’t like you very much...

She stopped talking to that guy. There can be weeks and they never meet on the halway (different duties).

[Plutarh]

Another important infofmation on her:

She is not liked by a part of the others due to her attitude: I know everything, I'm always right.

She had conflicts with a lot of people where she worked before.

All people say I'm the only with who she works good, who understands her and that I'm to tolerant. They joke that she is dependent even on the verbal conflicts with me :))

[Sony12]

Most every business has people working there who are either difficult to work with and/or people that you don't have much interest in associating with. What you have to do if they are that annoying to you is only talk to them regarding work matters. Learning how to be around people that you don't particularly enjoy being around is part of being in the work world. What I do is say to myself that at least I am getting paid for having to be around them.

[introverted1]

If she is as rude and needy for attention as you say, then why did you campaign to have her brought onto your team?

And why do you feel now, 7 years later, that she should still be in your debt for having shown her the ropes when she joined your team? 

You can protest all you want but you absolutely seem to have an obsession with this woman. 

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, Plutarh said:

Crush? That's funny. We are both happily married. The age gap between us is about 19 years. We have been together on work duties, in a period of 2 years, in other region for periods of 3-4 days. We've stayed in hotels, different rooms, obvious. We have gone to cinema, bar, restaurant together. Nothing happened, we never thaught about something to happen. It's ridiculous.

 

Ok, if you don't have a crush on her, why are you so obsessed with her and why are you spending all this time analyzing her?  There is just no reason to be doing that.  Who cares why she does every little thing that she does?  Why is this something that you need to "figure out"?

Edited 21 hours ago by ShyViolet

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Plutarh said:

She stopped talking to that guy. There can be weeks and they never meet on the halway (different duties).

Sorry man, but it sounds like you have some sort of an unhealthy obsession with that woman, a secret crush or something like that.

I have the same impression that I’d get from a middle school boy constantly mentioning a girl who is terribly annoying, who she does this and that, and the boy would even pull her hair or bully her otherwise - all of which means that he is physically attracted to her. 

 

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, Plutarh said:

I can't understand her behaviour. Why someone can tolerate people with a bad or rude behaviour and be rude with people who have been kind and helpfull to them?

Some people fall into a habit of taking those closest to them for granted. For instance, there are those who speak to their family horribly but switch to kindness toward neighbors or in front of others. She sounds like she takes you for granted, and this might call for a gentle reminder that her rudeness toward you is uncalled for and unprofessional.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Plutarh said:

Crush? That's funny.

Not really. It's quite obvious you like her a lot more than you're willing to admit. 

You have developed a fixation on her and it's going to be a much better use of your time addressing that than fretting over her every move. 

[Plutarh]

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not really. It's quite obvious you like her a lot more than you're willing to admit. 

You have developed a fixation on her and it's going to be a much better use of your time addressing that than fretting over her every move. 

I will not call it fixation. I talk and work with her daily more than 8 hours per day. You don't have how to ignore some habits, attitudes.

If you stay in a room office for two with a person you start to see some traits of behaviour. Some of that habits do you like, other habits you don't like.

What I can say for sure is the fact I don't like inconstant people who don't judge in a objective manner same situations.

I don't like the people who say or think one opinion and when it come the time to act they are acting contrary.

And for that I became dissapointed of a lot of people.

Thank you all for your quality opinions and for your time. 

Edited 3 hours ago by Plutarh

[Sony12]

28 minutes ago, Plutarh said:

I will not call it fixation. I talk and work with her daily more than 8 hours per day. You don't have how to ignore some habits, attitudes.

If you stay in a room office for two with a person you start to see some traits of behaviour. Some of that habits do you like, other habits you don't like.

What I can say for sure is the fact I don't like inconstant people who don't judge in a objective manner same situations.

I don't like the people who say or think one opinion and when it come the time to act they are acting contrary.

And for that I became dissapointed of a lot of people.

Thank you all for your quality opinions and for your time. 

You don't have to like her. All you have to do is find a way to get a long with her for the eight hours a day (or however long you have to be around her on a daily basis during the work week). If she irritates you there is a good chance you irritate her as well. The moment you two clock out you can quickly go your separate ways and not have anything to do with one another until you come back to work the next day. But learning how to be around individuals that we normally wouldn't choose to spend much time around is part of being in the workforce.

Edited 3 hours ago by Sony12

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Plutarh said:

And for that I became dissapointed of a lot of people.

It sounds like you both rub each other the wrong way. So be it. Just be professional, put your head down and get your work done. Then clock out and go home.