Blindsided at 6 Months – Intense, “Perfect”, Then Sudden Breakup

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for objective input because I’m struggling to reconcile how this went from 10/10 intensity to over almost overnight.

I’m 32, she’s 27. We dated for about 6 months. From the start it was intense. extreme physical chemistry, great sex (she repeatedly said best she’s ever had by far, multiple orgasms, sex multiple times per day), constant affection, constant admiration. It was very intense from the jump. She would say things like I’m the nicest guy she’s ever dated, she’s never been treated so well, etc. We integrated with each other’s friends and family. Lots of trips, time together, and honestly we had a blast even doing nothing. 2 weeks ago she was showing me engagement rings, planning our moving in together when shes done school...

She said over and over I was the best she’d ever had in every way (treatment, looks, sex, stability, connection, shared intersets). She's told me nothing but horror dating stories and experiences she's had in the past. She's consistently pedestalized me hard to the point where it was like OK enough already . She’d say she felt so lucky, sometimes cried saying she didn’t feel good enough for me (I have a stable career, good family background, financially secure. She's just starting out and still in school, she questioned why I would even choose her). I always reassured her.

There were 2 conflicts over the course of the relationship. Most recent was 6 weeks ago, Nothing toxic, but I can be blunt and direct in conflict. I have high integrity and low tolerance for disloyalty. My intense reaction (albeit a fair one) really freaked her out. At one point she asked hypothetically if I would end the relationship if she crossed certain boundaries, and I said yes without hesitation. My general relationship philosophy is: we choose each other daily, nothing is guaranteed, and I refused when she asked to promise unconditional forever no matter what. I believe in loyalty and effort, but not blind permanence. I’m independent and not overly fused. She said she’s afraid that if she messes up, I’m gone. She prioritizes emotional safety highly and struggles with anxiety disorder.

Valentines weekend was our last weekend together. I was physically sick and despite that, drove to her, stayed the whole weekend, had a great time, together, she was effusive as usual, very physical. That sunday she said she had the best orgasm of her life. However, since I was sick, I was a bit short perhaps, she keep askign whats wrong and seemed concerned it was about her. I assured her again nothing is wrong, I'm just really sick with a cold.. She wanted me to stay the night but I had work the next day.

After that day, I noticed some emotional distance, faint but there., 2 days later, I went on a boys trip. I noticed she became slightly less warm over text. 2 nights ago, she texts "Can we talk?". She then  told me that week was extremely difficult for her and she was crying almost every day. I had no idea. When she ended it, she was calm but crying. She said:

-I can be negative at times, cynical.

-She doesn’t feel a “best friend” vibe at this point which is what she needs (I think that's unrealistic and points to being too enmeshed)

-The past 2 fights made her worry long term.

But she also said:

Physical/sexual connection was 10/10.

I’m amazing.

She’s never been treated better.

She’ll miss me so much and was crying uncontrollably.

BUT she was 100% firm in her decision... I said I understand,  It sounds like you thought about this and don't feel like it's something we can talk about oregon work through. I respect your decision but this is the last time we will be talking.

I just shipped her stuff back to her today via mail.

 

I feel blindsided because none of these concerns were communicated as relationship-threatening before the breakup. I absolutely would have worked on anything she brought to me.

I put my best into our relationship, I really loved and cared about her so much... So I’m trying to understand:

Was this:

An anxious attachment issue where my independence and firmness triggered insecurity?

A genuine incompatibility in emotional style (she needing more fusion and reassurance than feels natural to me)?

Something else entirely?

I’m not looking to villainize her. I genuinely cared about her. But I’m trying to understand how someone can be head over heels, crying about losing you, and still walk away without attempting repair.

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

2 weeks ago she was showing me engagement rings, planning our moving in together when shes done school...

 

This is a red flag.  No one should be looking at engagement rings and talking about moving in together at 6 months of dating.  She was lovebombing you and she doesn't sound very emotionally stable.  The relationship was moving way too fast.  And when it moves insanely fast like that, it tends to fall apart and end just as fast.

[Anonymous]

34 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

This is a red flag.  No one should be looking at engagement rings and talking about moving in together at 6 months of dating.  She was lovebombing you and she doesn't sound very emotionally stable.  The relationship was moving way too fast.  And when it moves insanely fast like that, it tends to fall apart and end just as fast.

Too fast for sure. I just thrived off the intensity so I didn't intentionally slow things down. Lovebombing? not in the traditional manipulative sense. We really felt intensely about each other.

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Too fast for sure. I just thrived off the intensity so I didn't intentionally slow things down. Lovebombing? not in the traditional manipulative sense. We really felt intensely about each other.

Whether it's manipulative, or just reckless and impulsive, I would say it's still lovebombing.

[Anonymous]

41 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Whether it's manipulative, or just reckless and impulsive, I would say it's still lovebombing.

Ok but what is the implication of that? All relationships that start with explosive attraction and intensity is lovebombing? Then we may need to create a new term.

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

2 weeks ago she was showing me engagement rings, planning our moving in together when shes done school...

Huge red flag. It’s way too early to do something like that after only 6 months of dating.

 

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

She's told me nothing but horror dating stories and experiences she's had in the past.

Huge red flag. Never date anyone who constantly badmouths exes. That’s Dating 101.

 

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

She's consistently pedestalized me hard to the point where it was like OK enough already .

Another red flag. This is called “lovebombing”.

 

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

We integrated with each other’s friends and family.

Red flag from both of you. Why would you do that after only 6 months of dating? It doesn’t look serious if you’re willing to treat any girl you’ve had a short passionate romance with as your family.

 

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Something else entirely?

Yes. You mistook a brief, heavily sexual connection with an immature, toxic person for love.

Obviously, her intense lovebombing confused and mislead you. In the future, you’ll be able to recognize the big red flags much earlier.

But even if your next girlfriend won’t be flashing those red flags, you should learn from this lesson. Never jump to serious conclusions or make grand pronouncements and long-term plans after only 6 months.

 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

31 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

Ok but what is the implication of that? All relationships that start with explosive attraction and intensity is lovebombing?

Of course not. Lovebombing isn’t a feeling, it’s a way of acting. It’s when a person smothers you with heavy words and way too much attention due to their own insecurity or controlling tendencies.

[Anonymous]

8 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Huge red flag. It’s way too early to do something like that after only 6 months of dating.

 

Huge red flag. Never date anyone who constantly badmouths exes. That’s Dating 101.

 

Another red flag. This is called “lovebombing”.

 

Red flag from both of you. Why would you do that after only 6 months of dating? It doesn’t look serious if you’re willing to treat any girl you’ve had a short passionate romance with as your family.

 

Yes. You mistook a brief, heavily sexual connection with an immature, toxic person for love.

Obviously, her intense lovebombing confused and mislead you. In the future, you’ll be able to recognize the big red flags much earlier.

But even if your next girlfriend won’t be flashing those red flags, you should learn from this lesson. Never jump to serious conclusions or make grand pronouncements and long-term plans after only 6 months.

 

 

 

THis is why forums are just kind of ridiculous tbh. She didn't constantly badmouth her exes, but it was obvious it wasn't the best situation. I shouldnt have said integrated families, because we just met each others families. but youre saying thats not normal at six months? aand she showed me one enngagment ring she'd had her eye on while we were drinking. Also if you feel intensely for someone and verbalize it, if it's early on that is apparently lovebombing now. Alrighty. 

[Gebidozo]

5 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

She didn't constantly badmouth her exes

I’m quoting you:

 

5 hours ago, Anonymous said:

She's told me nothing but horror dating stories and experiences she's had in the past.

If this isn’t constant badmouthing of exes, then I don’t know what is.

 

6 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

THis is why forums are just kind of ridiculous tbh.

You came here with a textbook case of starting a relationship despite red flags, rushing a relationship, lovebombing, and other things we have seen countless times before, in forums and in real life. Your relationship was doomed from the onset, and we’re trying to explain to you why. I’m not sure what else you’re looking for.
 

[Sanch62]

5 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I’m trying to understand:

Was this:

An anxious attachment issue where my independence and firmness triggered insecurity?

A genuine incompatibility in emotional style (she needing more fusion and reassurance than feels natural to me)?

Something else entirely?

Maybe all of the above, and I'm sorry you're suffering this. It makes no sense to take offense at those who are trying to explain love-bombing as each understands it. It's not necessarily deliberately manipulative; it can just be an overly intense pursuit of a premature commitment to a shared future, driven by emotion rather than thought-through responsibility. Reality often presents a picture that doesn't fit into that frame. So any bump in the road can derail this, because it's based on preconceived fantasy.

My heart goes out to you.

[Anonymous]

14 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

 

 

14 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

Maybe all of the above, and I'm sorry you're suffering this. It makes no sense to take offense at those who are trying to explain love-bombing as each understands it. It's not necessarily deliberately manipulative; it can just be an overly intense pursuit of a premature commitment to a shared future, driven by emotion rather than thought-through responsibility. Reality often presents a picture that doesn't fit into that frame. So any bump in the road can derail this, because it's based on preconceived fantasy.

My heart goes out to you.

Thank you, man. I apologize to everyone who was just offering answers, they obviously meant no ill will. I just get annoyed when people apply phrases like lovebombing (which is purposeful manipulation) to every situation on these types of forums because it distorts their meaning and isn't aligned with what actually happened.

I appreciate the condolences because it truly does hurt.

I feel like something was pre-emptively thrown away that was amazing on so many levels and just wanted reassurance 

[Sanch62]

Just now, Anonymous said:

I apologize to everyone who was just offering answers, they obviously meant no ill will. I just get annoyed when people apply phrases like lovebombing (which is purposeful manipulation) to every situation

I wouldn't get too rigid with definitions because someone can display a behavior without intending to mislead anyone. Take rebounding, for example. Just because a rebounder ends a new relationship in a stereotypical way, that doesn't automatically mean that they intended to land where they did. But it's still rebounding. And it's up to each of us to protect ourselves responsibly by using our own best judgment. This builds confidence in our own agency rather than viewing ourselves as victimized and at the mercy of anyone else's lousy judgment.

The goal of understanding needn't be about blaming, even while it's smart to learn from situations that you don't want to repeat going forward. So recognizing our own participation in an unhealthy situation can build confidence that we won't do that again.

[Gebidozo]

25 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I just get annoyed when people apply phrases like lovebombing (which is purposeful manipulation) to every situation on these types of forums because it distorts their meaning and isn't aligned with what actually happened.

But lovebombing doesn’t have to be purposeful manipulation. You’re thinking of something cold-blooded, hypocritical, and calculatedly evil, but that’s not what lovebombing necessarily is. Most manipulators aren’t even aware of their manipulative behavior. Manipulative behavior is often a defense mechanism stemming from deep insecurities.

Edited 18 minutes ago by Gebidozo