Am I selfish or is it valid?

[little_wish]

I got into a marriage and I still hate intimacy but trying to put up with it for conceiving a kid .

I never enjoyed intimacy and I really wanted to know what it feels like to enjoy it. 

We moved back to our parents home and after he went back, he refuses to pick my calls.i might have to go and comfort him. I hate that my parents force me to always give in and I just can't say no to them. Are my feelings valid or am I being unreasonable?

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, little_wish said:

Are my feelings valid or am I being unreasonable?

Your feelings about what, exactly?

5 hours ago, little_wish said:

We moved back to our parents home and after he went back

This is unclear. Who is "we" and where did your husband go back to? 

[Sanch62]

I don't understand what happened.

[little_wish]

On 2/24/2026 at 10:54 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Your feelings about what, exactly?

This is unclear. Who is "we" and where did your husband go back to? 

Sorry I was not in the right frame of mind. I want to run far away and cut off all the communications. My husband went back to his hometown and I went back to mine. 

 

On 2/24/2026 at 8:32 PM, Sanch62 said:

I don't understand what happened.

Sorry my mind is a mess right now. I lost contact with my husband and he wouldn't pick my calls. He could just keep me know what's going on. I am in a place where women should always cater to their husbands

[Gebidozo]

If I understood correctly, you and your husband are separated (divorced?), and now he doesn’t answer your calls?

Why are you calling him?

Do you have kids?

I don’t understand what your parents have to do with this. Of course you shouldn’t contact your husband if you don’t want to.

Why do they expect you to go and “comfort” your husband? Did you do something bad to him - cheated on him or something like that?

[little_wish]

On 2/28/2026 at 12:00 PM, Gebidozo said:

If I understood correctly, you and your husband are separated (divorced?), and now he doesn’t answer your calls?

Why are you calling him?

Do you have kids?

I don’t understand what your parents have to do with this. Of course you shouldn’t contact your husband if you don’t want to.

Why do they expect you to go and “comfort” your husband? Did you do something bad to him - cheated on him or something like that?

No. We are still married. We have been fine couple of months ago but the moment he went back to his parents house in his hometown, he stopped answering my calls. 

I hate this and his family is manipulative, may be so is he. Each and every time this happens, I am expected to visit him and comfort him, coax him and I am sick of this. We don't have any kids right now. 

I haven't done anything and I have only ever been with him in my life so far.

[Sanch62]

26 minutes ago, little_wish said:

Each and every time this happens, I am expected to visit him and comfort him, coax him and I am sick of this.

I'd just have my lawyer send him divorce papers.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, little_wish said:

Each and every time this happens, I am expected to visit him and comfort him, coax him and I am sick of this.

I don’t understand what you’re waiting for. Divorce him. Life is too short to waste it on someone who emotionally manipulates you like this.

[Els]

You... "got into a marriage"? So was this an arranged marriage by your parents? Because there seems to be no love lost between the two of you - it sounds like you two never loved each other to begin with.

[little_wish]

On 3/1/2026 at 9:24 PM, Sanch62 said:

I'd just have my lawyer send him divorce papers.

I live in a third world country and I don't think I can do it and my family would never allow me

On 3/1/2026 at 10:30 PM, Gebidozo said:

I don’t understand what you’re waiting for. Divorce him. Life is too short to waste it on someone who emotionally manipulates you like this.

He used to be caring at first but then he changed after a death in his family. He refused to take any trauma help.

On 3/3/2026 at 3:04 AM, Els said:

You... "got into a marriage"? So was this an arranged marriage by your parents? Because there seems to be no love lost between the two of you - it sounds like you two never loved each other to begin with.

That's right. I live in a third world country and families wouldn't allow us to separate. I know it's an emotional blackmail but when my family hurt themselves by not taking any food or stop taking their meds, I just couldn't ignore them.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, little_wish said:

I know it's an emotional blackmail but when my family hurt themselves by not taking any food or stop taking their meds, I just couldn't ignore them.

If any person in this world abused me emotionally like that, I’d cut off all contact with them.

 

 

[Els]

12 hours ago, little_wish said:

That's right. I live in a third world country and families wouldn't allow us to separate. I know it's an emotional blackmail but when my family hurt themselves by not taking any food or stop taking their meds, I just couldn't ignore them.

I know the type of culture that you speak of, but you can't hold yourself responsible for your family's stupidity. If they choose to not take their meds, that's their choice and they alone are responsible for the outcome.

FWIW, in my experience, those cases tend to resolve by themselves when the person gets hungry or starts to feel unwell. People usually overestimate their ability to suffer hunger - I bet you that if you stood firm, they'd be eating by Day 3.

[little_wish]

21 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If any person in this world abused me emotionally like that, I’d cut off all contact with them.

 

 

I wish I could be that strong someday

12 hours ago, Els said:

I know the type of culture that you speak of, but you can't hold yourself responsible for your family's stupidity. If they choose to not take their meds, that's their choice and they alone are responsible for the outcome.

FWIW, in my experience, those cases tend to resolve by themselves when the person gets hungry or starts to feel unwell. People usually overestimate their ability to suffer hunger - I bet you that if you stood firm, they'd be eating by Day 3.

I did try to do that before the marriage and after day 5,I had to give in. They are just to stubborn and I am too soft-hearted.i know that it's my fault for being sensitive.

[Gebidozo]

54 minutes ago, little_wish said:

I wish I could be that strong someday

I did try to do that before the marriage and after day 5,I had to give in. They are just to stubborn and I am too soft-hearted.i know that it's my fault for being sensitive.

What your parents are doing is textbook emotional abuse.

Condoning it isn’t sensitive, it’s harmful to you and to them as well, since they will never learn to stop being abusive and become better people unless their victims stand up to them.