Prophetic last posts

[Whatsname]

Back in May 2019 I had a post Trouble Brewing?

In this thread I discussed my marriage and my wife's attitude to me and our marriage the last post was;

I haven't a single thought about her having an affair, a close friend of hers had one for 18 months before her marriage ended and blamed the husband for the marriage breakdown, my wife was less than impressed by the infidelity and thinks the same as me, end any relationship before starting another.

We have seen a psychiatrist this week, her meds have been changed a bit and a plan to review her in 4 weeks and then arrange therapy and courses to help with the anxiety and self awareness and respect, hopefully we can have some joint counselling too so she can get a better understanding of my feeling for her and I can perhaps learn to communicate them better to make us both happier. We were told that once you've suffered a psychosis then the chances of more are increased.

The financial woes will take a little longer to straighten out but things are changing there slowly too so finger crossed.

She is willing, at the moment to take on the therapy and help being offered and as long as this lasts I think she will start to get a lot better and hopefully begin to make a good recovery and stay well for the foreseeable future. I just need her to stop worrying that what happens to other peoples relationships will not necessarily happen to us!

 

Well last Friday 6th February my world fell apart in the most explosive fashion ever, whilst preparing for a weekend away to celebrate my birthday I had a shower, on getting out my wife jumped in, during her shower her phone pinged and I picked it up to look who had messaged her.......it was a sext from another man thanking her for the last time they had sex, recently, somewhere locally.

My initial thought was to ignore it and carry on with the weekend plans but my temper got the better of me and I confronted her,  I dialled the number and the guy laughed at me, I then found further messages, as I was already dressed I took her phone and left, she tried to stop me but couldn't.

I spent the morning, and many hours since, going through her messages with her friends who have enabled and encouraged her with messages between them going back to May 2024, there are swathes of message deleted and she had managed to delete a load of other stuff on a regular basis to keep me unaware, she used facebook, whatsapp and insta for her activities and whilst most of is cannot be found there is enough evidence to be sure of what was going on and get a very good picture.

My world has fallen apart, I've had to get an STI test, still waiting for those results! and she is staying with her mother who is saying this is my fault and I drove her to it with my 'controlling' ways by wishing to know where she was going when she went off with her friends. She has fallen back into mental health crisis and is being cared for by her mother.

I'm not sure if there is any way back from this, I have had to visit the mental health team as I've had difficulty sleeping, every time I close my eyes all I can see is her with other men and the anxiety and panic rises and I can't catch my breathe. My youngest son is now on the radar of children's services because I said that I wanted to end things, he's 14 soon and just so confused.

I'll get through it, no doubt over time, keep the household together and continue to work to support us but I know that when she comes back to me she'll want to get back together and promise me the earth but I doubt I'll ever trust her again.

I set off a grenade with her friends and cohorts, I informed their husbands and sent screen shots, the ring leader threatened me with the police for controlling behaviour and malicious communication as she's an ex copper and was trying to scare me, but that didn't work.

My few mates have been great but it's nothing they have ever experienced themselves and to be honest I'm getting tired of the platitudes and invites to go out and drown my sorrows.......

 

[Els]

I don't really know what to say. Obviously there is no defense for your wife, cheating is wrong, and her mental health sounds precarious. Hopefully the STI test comes back clear. 

On the other hand, I also took a look at the thread that you mentioned and there were multiple posters in happy marriages telling you that you were downplaying your wife's concerns and that you were being blase about your marriage. It doesn't sound like you listened, however - you just kept insisting that you were in the right.

So I guess it was prophetic... In more ways than one.

 

Edited 20 hours ago by Els

[Whatsname]

I've re-read, for the third time my original post.

I now believe this has been going on for over 5 yrs and all the time she has always accused me of having the affairs, projection I assume. 

All of this time she has given me chapter and verse of what she's done, but in the guise of telling me it was one of the other girls.

She carried this out whilst I sat at home with our youngest son, looking after him caring for him, stuck inside at weekends whilst she went to Brighton or wherever, definitely nowhere where she said she was going as she took the tracker off her phone a good few years back when she got a new phone.

And all this time it seems I have enabled her believing her lies, providing a home for her to live in and money for her excursions and dalliances, when other men have just used her like a piece of meat to satisfy their needs.

Throughout the last few years she ahs distanced herself from me all of the time, coming home from work complaining of back pain, eating dinner and then going straight up to the bed at 7pm to 'lay on the heated blanket' for her back pain and whilst laying there sexting different men, I would just watch TV downstairs on my own or with my son.

Whenever I tried to get close to her she would complain and fight with me about not feeling well and that I didn't want her for anything other than sex. If we went out it was in silence, we once took a car trip for 3 hrs and she didn't utter a single word, not one, she just sat there looking out the window and nodding off occasionally. 

She once spent hours and hours going at me because one of our friend group, not a big group at all, said that she liked me because I was always chipper and friendly and had a sparkle in my eye.

When on her period it was the end of the world, pain, pain and more pain. Nothing I could do our try would relieve her suffering, going out was a complete non starter - unless it was with her friends then she would take some tablets, suck it up and get out for hours on end.

The nights out were restricted to twice a month then once a month when I complained, by consensus, these terms were altered when it was proposed and agreed by her that she could go out during the week to meet one friend (turns out that it was the wrong friend) for 'drinks or dinner' and save the big weekend pub crawl to once a month - didn't keep a tally so was hoodwinked over this many times.

She also got around the restrictions by saying she was going to a later showing of a film, not really, she told me she saw Wicked three times, when I challenged her she lied again and said that the other times she went to see it that they'd missed it and watched something else instead.

There is so much more sickening stuff that she's done, and documented with her text messages to her friend, when on holiday in France last year she feyned illness to get away from sleeping in the same room as me and when I visited her in the night she was on the phone sexting some bloke but complained of insomnia and that she was playing games, she also text her friend asking for advise on how to get rid of me and our son for a few hours pretending to be ill in the day so she could get the pool guard back to our chalet for sex.

Last month whilst I was at work in a local town, she was meeting with a man in the same town in the afternoon, it seems if she wasn't at work or at home she was with someone.......

Edited 10 hours ago by Whatsname