Has not confirmed date

[irresolute]

Hello everyone!

this has happened:  on Monday night I was on bumble and saw a neighbor. I decided to swipe right because I always kinda like him. We didn’t interact much, and I haven’t seen him fir the past couple of years. Last time I saw him, he was married and I was as well. I know his wife wanted to separate like 10 years ago and my situation has changed as well.

So, I swiped right. That night, he swiped right on me and sent me a message first. He seemed interested, he didn’t mention he knew me, and I didn’t either. We talked about food. I told him “we should continue this over a glass of wine”. He answered “definitely!” And suggested Friday. 
I said ok Friday evening. He then said Friday evening he had a family meeting and he was thinking more of Friday afternoon, but that he was going to confirm me -today if he was free or not at night.

he did. He said he was not free but that he wanted to see me this weekend if possible. I replied ok, Saturday afternoon. 
he said “lovely” and he suggested a glass of wine and a walk on a nice neighborhood. I replied “awesome, I’ll let you surprise me”

So, we already have the day, the time, and a general place but not the exact spot. Last text was this morning. Today is Thursday night and I’m annoyed at the speed in which he messages. Awful. Like one text per day.

what to do? Also… I have no idea if he recognized me as his old neighbor or not (we talked a couple times, about our dogs but nothing more, and one time he stopped me to ask me about my then husband, so he knew who I was and who I was married to…)

 

(He’s 61 years old, I’m 48)

Edited February 13 by irresolute
More info

[Gebidozo]

I don’t understand what the problem is.

One message per day is completely normal. What is there to talk about in text? You haven’t even gone out on your first date.

Just wait till Saturday, go out with him and see how that goes.

Edited February 13 by Gebidozo

[irresolute]

18 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I don’t understand what the problem is.

One message per day is completely normal. What is there to talk about in text? You haven’t even gone out on your first date.

Just wait till Saturday, go out with him and see how that goes.

Thanks for your reply. 
I have other matches that are more talkative and message me several times a day. I feel confident that they like me. With this guy, I’m not sure.

just an update: it’s 11 pm and he just confirmed the place. I update of what happens. I’m unsure of whether he recognized me or not. Or if we’re both playing dumb 

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, irresolute said:

I have other matches that are more talkative and message me several times a day. I feel confident that they like me.

Why?

There are many reasons for messaging someone several times a day, not the least of which are neediness, clinginess, and the desire to control the other person, none of which have anything to do with the degree of liking someone.

Please don’t be so naive and wait till you actually go out on dates with all those guys and get to know them better. You can’t get to know anyone over text.

[Sony12]

Some people enjoy having a conversation style of communication while others don't and just prefer to share necessary information to set up a date or meet. Neither is wrong and you will probably just click better with the people who communicate the way you prefer.

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

There are many reasons for messaging someone several times a day, not the least of which are neediness, clinginess, and the desire to control the other person, none of which have anything to do with the degree of liking someone.

Not to mention that, at 61, this man grew up at a time when being constantly tethered to one's phone was not a thing.  Nor was having multiple conversations (text or otherwise) before a first date. 

[basil67]

14 hours ago, irresolute said:

Thanks for your reply. 
I have other matches that are more talkative and message me several times a day. I feel confident that they like me. With this guy, I’m not sure.

If the other matches really liked you and you really liked them in return, you would be actively heading into a relationship with them instead of still seeing others.  So frequent communication doesn't mean a lot.

14 hours ago, irresolute said:

 I’m unsure of whether he recognized me or not. Or if we’re both playing dumb 

Why did play dumb when you first found him on a dating app?  It was a perfect opener for connection and perhaps a bit of flirting

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, irresolute said:

I have other matches that are more talkative and message me several times a day. I feel confident that they like me.

Eh, you're assigning too much importance to some typed words on a screen. I wouldn't read much into men who message you multiple times a day when you aren't in a relationship with them. Some people just really like the attention, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything deeper. Don't lose sight of that. 

22 hours ago, irresolute said:

I’m annoyed at the speed in which he messages. Awful. Like one text per day.

Flip the script here a bit: perhaps you are on your phone too much and have unreasonable expectations of a man who you barely know. 

[irresolute]

I went on the date. Wine bar. He didn’t recognize me but he said I looked familiar. I told him who I was. He was surprised but excited. We joked. He suggested dinner I said yes. On the way, he wanted to show me a museum. We went. He left me wandering by myself fir around 7 minutes. I saw him checking books and looking at his phone. I felt puzzled.

at the restaurant we ordered tapas. He’d changed. He told me he was being cautious. He talked about the consequences. I tried to tell him to stay present in the moment. He was aloof. Didn’t want to have wine. Just water. He was nice, but pensive. He gave me a kiss, impulsively. Felt nice. 
he wanted to end the dinner. He said “ok, let’s go?”

he agreed that I’d pay half. He said he could walk me to my car. He didn’t grab my hand and I felt lonely walking do I apologized to him and grabbed his arm. He said no problem.

i told him to come inside the car. He didn’t want to. I told him i was cold and he agreed. He kissed me again and looked at me with longing. He also put his hand in my leg. 
 

he told me he was going to a friends house after. He said he had to go. 
 

I ended up feeling horrible. Lonely. He did not say he had a great time. Nor he planned to see me again. Nor he asked me for my number. I felt I was to blame for meeting him, he asked me probing questions, suspicious as if I knew who he was before…

 

i drove home feeling very sad. Before k went yo sleep I unmatched him. Thoughts? 

Edited Tuesday at 08:16 PM by irresolute

[Sony12]

Sorry about the experience. But yes often times when you don't have great vibes about a match prior to even meeting them it seldom is a great experience if you do end up meeting them.

 

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[ExpatInItaly]

I tiink you correctly assessed that he wasn't really feeling it on the date.  It sounds like had a pleasant time but perhaps didn't feel a click. Having said that, I also think you are letting your emotions steer the ship too much : 

On 2/17/2026 at 9:15 PM, irresolute said:

He didn’t grab my hand and I felt lonely walking

Lonely, really? It was a first meet-up. I could see if you two were actually dating and he often brushed you off, but this was not that deep. Also, in the future, avoid this sort of move: 

On 2/17/2026 at 9:15 PM, irresolute said:

i told him to come inside the car. He didn’t want to. I told him i was cold and he agreed

If someone tells you that they don't want to do something, that's your cue to drop it. Don't persist. In and of itself, it's not that big a deal , but it points to a sense of desperation on your part. If you have to convince someone to stay a bit longer with you, you're barknig up the wrong tree, in other words. Just let them go. 

Lastly, I sense a lot of projecting in your interpretation of events:

On 2/17/2026 at 9:15 PM, irresolute said:

He kissed me again and looked at me with longing.

On 2/17/2026 at 9:15 PM, irresolute said:

he asked me probing questions, suspicious as if I knew who he was before…

Really, you have no clue if he was feeling either of the above. If he was longing for you, he likely would have kept the date going, tried to make another physical move, or mentioned meeting up again. And I rather doubt he was suspicious. He could just as easily have been curious about you. 

My overall impression is that he wasn't into it, true, but also that you walked into this date already loaded with an emotionally-charged filter. You may want to ask yourself why you pinned so many expectations on this specific date to the extent that you are lonely and sad about it. Disappointed, sure, but I would dig deeper. It seems it triggered something inside you, too. 

[Sony12]

Don't know if that is a real number or that anonymous poster completely made it up. But in anycase the mods should take that post down.