a guy in his 30s living with parents in nyc while paying for grad school. is this a turnoff?

[cashny3]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

I know you have a therapist, but do you have a psychiatrist?  Because it sounds like you're in a crushing depression and need help.  And while you're talking about wanting to die, you're not in a fit state to be dating anyway.  

On a different note, do you have friends?   Do you hang out with them and enjoy their company?

 

I have friends and enjoy their company but that doesn't make up for my lack of romance. and yea I have a psychiatrist. he wants me to start spravato and tms for my ocd but I'm not expecting any miracles. I'd be a lot more happy if I knew I was datable and lovable romantically. I would be much happier getting with attractive women. but I know nobody in nyc who has a lot of options wants a skinny 5 foot 8 guy barely making any money. 

[flitzanu]

2 hours ago, cashny3 said:

I have friends and enjoy their company but that doesn't make up for my lack of romance. and yea I have a psychiatrist. he wants me to start spravato and tms for my ocd but I'm not expecting any miracles. I'd be a lot more happy if I knew I was datable and lovable romantically. I would be much happier getting with attractive women. but I know nobody in nyc who has a lot of options wants a skinny 5 foot 8 guy barely making any money. 

as a clinically diagnosed depressed person myself, with all due respect, this is not accurate.

if your chemicals in your brain are not in sync, then it isn't going to matter how successful or bangable you are, you're still going to be depressed.

it's like being sad and taking a vacation - you're just going to be sad in Hawaii.

 

[FredEire]

19 hours ago, cashny3 said:

Be honest ladies, should I even bother? For a bunch of reasons I've never been able to move out of my parent's house. I'm not paying bills for living but I'm paying for grad school and my Healthcare. I've only lived away from them in college when I dormed as well as lived in an off campus house.

I'm trying really hard to get a better job but its hard because I can't gain experience if jobs won't hire me in the first place. I only make 24 an hour in change and am tired of being stuck.I feel like this grad school program is my only option but its in public health and the salaries don't sound promising.

I'm 34 btw and really wanna move up in life but its hard because the cost of living here is ridiculous. My mother thinks I should drop this program and take a civil service exam because I don't seem passionate in this path. I wanna help people but I don't wanna be broke doing it.

I'm trying to work with the career counselor. Obviously a partner isn't the only reason I want to move up in life but I never had a girlfriend and want to experience a relationship for once.

You don't deserve to be talking yourself down. You are going to be your only constant companion in this life so you deserve to treat yourself kindly and with compassion.

I really think you need a change of scenery, it would be a big shift in your life and mindset but I think that its a chance worth taking. You're right that the cost of living is ridiculous in NYC and it seems to be making your miserable, its possible that it just isnt your place.

I know it's where your friends and family are but sometimes youve got to just spread your wings and fly somewhere different. Many many people live in different places to their family, and they are still there for them even though they can't be as close.

I understand feeling stuck, Im at a similar age to yourself and relate to some of what youve posted, but youve just go to make a plan and stick to it and if your family is really there for you they will wish you well instead of trying to stop you.

Like @basil67 said above I don't think a relationship is a priority now. They generally work better when you are in a more steady place in your life, anyone you could meet now if you were to connect with someone would likely be someone trying to "fix" you, and/or you would try and fix yourself through your relationship with them. Those co-dependent partnerships never end well. Do the work on yourself first.