Adrianna20

[Alexis2026]

Hi I’m new here and have never posted about my situation before. I just ended it a month ago with a married man that I’ve been seeing for 7 years. Deep down I know he had feelings for me but when I expressed mine he told me that he had no feelings. I automatically said that I was done and haven’t spoken to him since. The way that I look at it is if he can treat his wife like this what’s going to stop him with me? We started talking a few months after his wedding so practically the entire time. I am devastated but also it’s a sense of relief A year ago he mentioned a divorce but he changed his mind. I asked how long he’s been unhappy in his marriage and he said as long as he’s known me.  I know that he wouldn’t jeopardize his marriage and family all of these years If he didn’t care for me but that’s all I needed to hear and it’s probably for the best. This has happened a few times before but one of us always reaches out. I’m so sad and need some support please. 

[Gebidozo]

I was going to write a long reply trying to explain to you why he clearly did not care for you, at least not the way a normal man would care for a woman he has romantic feelings for. But actually It doesn’t even matter whether he cared or not. 

What matters is that you willingly participated in a continuous act of betrayal over the course of several years.

You say that he “did that to his wife”, but you did that to his wife too.

You also gravely disrespected and humiliated yourself by getting leftovers from a man instead of seeking a relationship with someone who’d only be with you. 

I think that you might want to see a therapist or generally get some mental and spiritual help. You need to understand the damaging nature of affairs and start loving yourself enough to never let such a situation occur again.

 

[Sanch62]

I support you in envisioning the future you want to move TOWARD rather than continuing your stagnation in a focus on this man.

I encourage you to pursue some counseling or other forms of self-help to learn why you've been willing to limit yourself to making your focus so small for so long. We all do stuff for reasons, and if the idea of finding an available man for a committed relationship is not of interest to you, it may be helpful to figure out why. From there, you can operate on conscious decisions rather than romanticize scraps from someone who clearly owns the capacity for deception and disloyalty.

What made it all worth it to you to squelch your own potential this way? What do you intend to change for yourself to enjoy your life beyond this man?