Shoot my shot, or take a hike?

[Repentant]

Or even if that's what had happened, then yes! Would've been horrible and selfish, and I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with it, anyway! :))) 

Again, if you don't find selfishness and superficiality "horrible," that's fine! Your perspective doesn't have to match mine! But I, personally, find both of those aspects to be horrible, yes!

Edited 13 hours ago by Repentant

[FredEire]

Ok then. It seems like we're just getting into irrelevant abstractions then basically, if you're just pointing out qualities nobody really values in general, indeed aren't great qualities.

It doesn't seem like theres any advice anyone can give you if youve got it all figured out.

Edited 12 hours ago by FredEire

[Repentant]

10 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Ok then. It seems like we're just getting into irrelevant abstractions then basically, if you're just pointing out qualities nobody really values in general, indeed aren't great qualities.

It doesn't seem like theres any advice anyone can give you if youve got it all figured out.

I don't see it that way! Even if some piece of advice isn't directly useful, it's indirectly useful because it at least helps me eliminate what doesn't work for me! Part of the process of figuring out who I am is figuring out who I'm not! 

Take this situation in particular: the fact that a segment of this discussion revealed that hypothetical we've been throwing around so far has helped me quite a bit, in showing me that taking my time with things is a VERY good way to filter out superficiality and selfishness! :)) So, yeah, the advice may not be applicable from my perspective, because it would lead to things I don't want, but did help me understand things better! 

I don't post to agree with everyone or to have everyone agree with me, I post because I want to get as many different perspectives as possible, after which I look at each perspective, try to spread them out on a spectrum, and see where I land on it! I'm nowhere near having it all figured out, but I have more figured out now than I did back when I first posted! 

Edited 12 hours ago by Repentant

[Els]

Okay, so I read the first and last couple of pages. 

I don't personally think it's a problem to wait to ask someone out, I imagine it's just a personal preference. Some women will prefer that you wait and some don't. I generally prefer to build some rapport first, but I obviously can't speak for other women.

I do think you're overanalyzing it at this point though. Sometimes things just don't work out - statistically speaking, most things don't work out, actually. There's nothing to be gained from continuing to flog the poor dead horse.

Edited 5 hours ago by Els

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, Repentant said:

Or even if that's what had happened, then yes! Would've been horrible and selfish, and I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with it, anyway! :))) 

Again, if you don't find selfishness and superficiality "horrible," that's fine! Your perspective doesn't have to match mine! But I, personally, find both of those aspects to be horrible, yes!

It’s pretty clear to everyone reading your posts that you are inferring that what that girl did was horrible and selfish.

You try not to say that directly and back off with way too much defensiveness whenever someone tries to point that out, but that’s what you’re implying.

Even if you aren’t angry at this girl, specifically, the fact that you find behavior such as hers horrible and selfish proves that you are out of touch with reality.

You apply disproportionately heavy ethical judgment to something that isn’t even morally reprehensible at all.

You need to learn to see things in perspective. You have to understand that a woman ghosting you because she didn’t enjoy your texting for absolutely whatever reason is not a sign of superficiality, let alone selfishness or being “horrible”.

I don’t think any woman is ever going to be happy to undergo such moral scrutiny from you and be exposed to such grossly exaggerated generalizations on your side.

 

Edited 4 hours ago by Gebidozo

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s pretty clear to everyone reading your posts that you are inferring that what that girl did was horrible and selfish.

You try not to say that directly and back off with way too much defensiveness whenever someone tries to point that out, but that’s what you’re implying.

Even if you aren’t angry at this girl, specifically, the fact that you find behavior such as hers horrible and selfish proves that you are out of touch with reality.

You apply disproportionately heavy ethical judgment to something that isn’t even morally reprehensible at all.

You need to learn to see things in perspective. You have to understand that a woman ghosting you because she didn’t enjoy your texting for absolutely whatever reason is not a sign of superficiality, let alone selfishness or being “horrible”.

I don’t think any woman is ever going to be happy to undergo such moral scrutiny from you and be exposed to such grossly exaggerated generalizations on your side.

 

Right, I think OP was just waiting for a time to say the game is rigged and its hopeless.

I would agree with the general sentiment that the dating world has gotten harsher and a lot more fly-by-night.

So has the career and housing world in most countries. But in the same way even though the odds maybe aren't as good as they used to be any more if you throw your hands up and complain the result will always be a fail. You need to develop thick skin and a good ability to prioritise your time for things that actually merit it.

[Gebidozo]

12 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Right, I think OP was just waiting for a time to say the game is rigged and its hopeless.

…which is objectively untrue.

 

13 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I would agree with the general sentiment that the dating world has gotten harsher and a lot more fly-by-night.

Maybe, but not because people have become selfish and horrible.

Whenever someone applies such harsh words to mundane dating behaviors the reason is usually deep frustration with oneself.

 

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

…which is objectively untrue.

 

Maybe, but not because people have become selfish and horrible.

Whenever someone applies such harsh words to mundane dating behaviors the reason is usually deep frustration with oneself.

 

Right, I think the nature of the game has changed and there is more fast-food type dating with the apps.

But if you look back a couple of centuries ago there is very little evidence people were more virtuous, theres more evidence they were more open about their terrible behaviour.

I go by the idea most people aren't all that nice, and of the ones who are only a small portion of them will be a good fit for you. The job of dating is to find one who is.

Challenging sure, but resenting the ones who dont fit only wastes time and energy.

Edited 3 hours ago by FredEire

[Repentant]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s pretty clear to everyone reading your posts that you are inferring that what that girl did was horrible and selfish.

You try not to say that directly and back off with way too much defensiveness whenever someone tries to point that out, but that’s what you’re implying.

Even if you aren’t angry at this girl, specifically, the fact that you find behavior such as hers horrible and selfish proves that you are out of touch with reality.

You apply disproportionately heavy ethical judgment to something that isn’t even morally reprehensible at all.

You need to learn to see things in perspective. You have to understand that a woman ghosting you because she didn’t enjoy your texting for absolutely whatever reason is not a sign of superficiality, let alone selfishness or being “horrible”.

I don’t think any woman is ever going to be happy to undergo such moral scrutiny from you and be exposed to such grossly exaggerated generalizations on your side.

 

You both have every right to believe whatever it is you two choose to believe. It's clear, to me, at least, that you both are more intent on propagating your own agenda than actually taking time to read and comprehend what's written.

If you two insist on refusing to understand, well... all I can say is knock yourselves out with the cavalcade of assumptions and misrepresentations. Good luck with that! Thread's yours! 

[Acacia98]

On 2/13/2026 at 4:31 PM, Repentant said:

 I understand what all of you are saying, I don't understand why my behaviour would cause this sort of response from her. I didn't do any of it out of postponement or avoidance, I just didn't see the point or feel the need to rush straight to the question, out of the blue, after a random song... I don't like rushing things in general, which is why I take my time with everything.

The answer to the "why" is rather simple: She's not you, she doesn't know what you generally are like, and she's not in your head. She probably feels embarrassed about the fact that she was obvious about liking you on the day you met. She doesn't have any reason to think sober you is attracted to her, so it would be foolish for her to keep being hopeful in her interactions with you. To save herself from great disappointment, she's probably told herself you were just drunk on the day you met and are just being nice to her now and she needs to move on. 

Also, people are generally advised not to over-text with someone they've just met and would like to get to know. This is because regular texting makes one feel like they know the other person well when they really don't. It creates a false sense of intimacy, which often leads to disappointment. So, understandably, she might not want to engage in extended texting with you.

I'm inclined to agree with you when you say you're probably incompatible. You're probably better off focusing on women whose communication style is exactly like yours.

[Gebidozo]

45 minutes ago, Repentant said:

It's clear, to me, at least, that you both are more intent on propagating your own agenda than actually taking time to read and comprehend what's written.

You see how bitter and angry you sound?

Even though it is abundantly clear that I can’t possibly have any agenda to propagate here, for the simple reason that I have no interest in this besides giving you what is hopefully helpful advice.

You’re very much proving my point.

[FredEire]

7 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

You see how bitter and angry you sound?

Even though it is abundantly clear that I can’t possibly have any agenda to propagate here, for the simple reason that I have no interest in this besides giving you what is hopefully helpful advice.

You’re very much proving my point.

Every so often threads start on here where clearly someone has an idea of where they want the discourse to go, and when it doesnt it rubs them totally the wrong way.

On a forum for dating advice I can't really fathom well, not wanting people's advice. But there you go.

[Gebidozo]

6 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Every so often threads start on here where clearly someone has an idea of where they want the discourse to go, and when it doesnt it rubs them totally the wrong way.

On a forum for dating advice I can't really fathom well, not wanting people's advice. But there you go.

I know, right?

OP: I met this girl and I did X, now she doesn’t respond to me, what to do?

7 forum people: You should’ve done Y instead of X. X makes you look bad and might be a result of  your own issues. Next time, do Y.

OP: But X should have worked. I think X was the right thing to do. Why should I do Y?

7 forum people: But X clearly didn’t work. Isn’t that the whole reason why you started this thread? So, we’re explaining to you why and suggesting that next time you do Y instead.

OP: No, I want you to tell me that X was the right thing to do! Because whoever doesn’t respond to X is selfish and horrible! And If I ever do Y that wouldn’t be me anymore, because my rule is to always do X, regardless of the context!

7 forum people: Uh… 

OP: Whatever! I’m done!