Shoot my shot, or take a hike?

[Repentant]

Just to add my final two cents: I sent two texts, and everyone's behaving as though I've been spamming her with trivia for the past three days... She flaked after the first message, I'd say this is a clear indication she was just messing around on Saturday and I happened to be in the way. I'm sorry, but I can't agree with you. I most certainly wouldn't start pulling a fade on someone who's trying to spark a conversation with me and in whom I'm supposedly interested, lest we forget, just because their second text wasn't "let's go out." And if this is the style of the times, then no, thanks. I say again, patience is important to me, and this only goes to demonstrate a complete lack of such.

[Gebidozo]

2 minutes ago, Repentant said:

Fine, then I guess this whole thing isn't for me, because it sure as hell feels like a total mess. If you do too much too soon, it's bad. If you take your time, it's bad. If you do just enough, you find out you were barking up the wrong tree all along. It's just endless frustration with zero return on investment. Yep, think I'm done. 

I sort of knew you’d eventually say something like this.

That’s exactly why I tried to point out to you that the way you view these things points to a lack of interest on your part.

If you really liked that girl you’d be actively asking her out instead of stalling and over-analyzing her replies.

Overthinking is unattractive because it is rightfully perceived as a lack of decisiveness and courage. Women don’t like men who play it safe and hide behind some made-up rules to justify their hesitation.

As they say, fortune favors the brave.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Repentant said:

Sorry for double-posting, I just remembered something which further goes to my point about it having been pretty clear that I'm interested: I made an Instagram account that very night, specifically to accommodate her - she mentioned she prefers Insta as her main tool for comms, and I begrudgingly made an account. Solely for her, no other interest in that platform whatsoever. 

This right here might seem like a small thing but it's actually big. You made a whole new social media entirely for this woman you hardly know, rather than just being straight and saying "oh cool I dont have insta unfortunately but Ill shoot you a whatsapp!"

It seems like everything is bending over backwards to accommodate her, and you see yourself as almost an annoyance or inconvenience, to the point that you wait a week to text because you're scared texting quickly would bother or annoy her, when in fact its more likely she would just move on and forget the moment on the night out. Regardless of how interested or not this woman was that mindset will cause your problems.

[Repentant]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

I sort of knew you’d eventually say something like this.

That’s exactly why I tried to point out to you that the way you view these things points to a lack of interest on your part.

If you really liked that girl you’d be actively asking her out instead of stalling and over-analyzing her replies.

Overthinking is unattractive because it is rightfully perceived as a lack of decisiveness and courage. Women don’t like men who play it safe and hide behind some made-up rules to justify their hesitation.

As they say, fortune favors the brave.

But... like... that's what I've been saying, I was about to, but she pulled the ghost! I've been left on Seen for 30 hours now, what else could I do in this case?

[Repentant]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

This right here might seem like a small thing but it's actually big. You made a whole new social media entirely for this woman you hardly know, rather than just being straight and saying "oh cool I dont have insta unfortunately but Ill shoot you a whatsapp!"

It seems like everything is bending over backwards to accommodate her, and you see yourself as almost an annoyance or inconvenience, to the point that you wait a week to text because you're scared texting quickly would bother or annoy her, when in fact its more likely she would just move on and forget the moment on the night out. Regardless of how interested or not this woman was that mindset will cause your problems.

It was either that, or raw SMS, I don't touch Meta's stuff on principle. 

[Gebidozo]

7 minutes ago, Repentant said:

Just to add my final two cents: I sent two texts, and everyone's behaving as though I've been spamming her with trivia for the past three days

Not at all. Everyone is telling you that you should have asked her out instead.

Did you actually read what we wrote?

 

8 minutes ago, Repentant said:

 She flaked after the first message, I'd say this is a clear indication she was just messing around on Saturday and I happened to be in the way.

Sorry, dude, but that’s just bullshit.

She didn’t “flake”, she was understandably feeling disappointed that you didn’t ask her out.

 

10 minutes ago, Repentant said:

I say again, patience is important to me, and this only goes to demonstrate a complete lack of such.

You really don’t understand that your hesitation has nothing to do with patience and everything to do with insecurity?

[Gebidozo]

5 minutes ago, Repentant said:

But... like... that's what I've been saying, I was about to, but she pulled the ghost! I've been left on Seen for 30 hours now, what else could I do in this case?

Yeah, after you basically showed her that you had no romantic interest in her and instead either wanted to be something like buddies or were just keeping her as an option, of course she eventually ghosted you.

[Repentant]

3 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Not at all. Everyone is telling you that you should have asked her out instead.

Did you actually read what we wrote?

That's my point, it's barely been two texts, that's, like, 5 minutes total to type, send, receive, and read, we're five minutes into our interaction, five minutes which have been spread over three days, because she's taking an entire evolutionary age to reply with another 30-second line of text, which would then lead to a reply of my own, which would contain an invite to go out. That'd make it 10 minutes total, if one's a slow typer at that. I mean, seriously, if by putting the question third or fourth in line instead of first is enough to indicate a complete lack of interest on my part, then this genuinely kinda' scares me, I'll be perfectly honest...

7 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry, dude, but that’s just bullshit.

She didn’t “flake”, she was understandably feeling disappointed that you didn’t ask her out.

That's IF she had any interest to begin with, which, again, doubtful given how the situation is (not) progressing. Or, back to my first point, scary if she did have any interest, but this was enough to put her off.

9 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

You really don’t understand that your hesitation has nothing to do with patience and everything to do with insecurity?

I agree with you, I'm not a person who oozes self-confidence by any means! But in this case in particular, the only reason why I hesitated at all was because the people who know her better than I do have told me she's a known flirt. I didn't want to rev up my engine for nothing. And it's not because I fear rejection, it's because I see no point in losing bets.

[Repentant]

4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Yeah, after you basically showed her that you had no romantic interest in her and instead either wanted to be something like buddies or were just keeping her as an option, of course she eventually ghosted you.

She didn't even give me the chance. C'mon, judging a person when they've had the space to give you so little based on which to judge them is patently absurd...

[introverted1]

@Repentant Do you want to be right or do you want a date? 

We're not arguing with you because we want to "win."   We're trying to show you a way to be more successful in your dating endeavors. 

 

[Repentant]

7 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

@Repentant Do you want to be right or do you want a date? 

We're not arguing with you because we want to "win."   We're trying to show you a way to be more successful in your dating endeavors. 

 

I want to date people who judge others based on more than just their first 2-3 texts. Not in the context where, if you don't come out thing-a-swingin', you're seen as low interest, or an indecisive person, or whatever else. No, this, to me, is just absurd, I'm sorry to say. What's even the point in wanting to date someone who can't even muster the patience to see what you have to say for more than two texts? Someone who's decided in their opinion of you based on 5 minutes of interaction? Someone who's supposedly so interested in me that they clung to me for an entire night while I was wasted and crying with my friend for her loss, but they can't see this one conversation through because the first words on her screen weren't "let's go out."

Edited 1 hour ago by Repentant