Shoot my shot, or take a hike?

[Repentant]

Last Saturday I went out support-drinking with one of my friends. A bit later into the evening, a couple more of her friends showed up. One of them, gorgeous woman, instantly stuck to me. She talked all night, all the while playing with her hair, being VERY touchy-feely (with me and herself, she rubbed her chest... quite a bit while talking to me, even had to blurt out a playful quip about it to get her to ease up, because it was doing things to me), complimenting my looks, my accessories, my style, shifting her place to be closer when the group reunited, etc. 

Now, I was waaay too drunk to pursue anything, plus my main goal was being there for my friend. I did send a couple of "I kinda' dig you" signals of my own, including brushing her hair over her ear at one point (I have no idea how we got there, but I do remember she smiled when I did it). Exchanged numbers, gave me her Insta, and at one point I lost track of the night a bit. Got back home in the morning, dropped a song I'd mentioned earlier on Insta, went to bed. Woke up at noon with the song hearted. No further interactions.

I've talked with my friend a bit about this, she told me she doesn't know her all that well, as they're rather mutual acquaintances than outright friends, but she did say that her acquaintance is a bit on the flirty side, so I've managed my expectations around this. Still, to my not-intentionally-flirty mind, one wouldn't flirt with, say, a telephone pole, so some sort of interest was there and it was mutual. I mean, I would, but as a bit.

Hence my dilemma. I was thinking of giving it the week, then asking her out for a get-to-know (taking into account any other potential messages from her, but I'm not expecting any), but I can't shake the thought that I may be barking up the wrong tree. Plus I am aware of the fact that it may come off as creepy - drunk guy from last week reaching out for a get-together, so I'm trying to minimise discomfort for both of us. Can't stop thinking about her so far, though.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Repentant said:

Still, to my not-intentionally-flirty mind, one wouldn't flirt with, say, a telephone pole, so some sort of interest was there and it was mutual.

Here's the thing, though: some people are natrually sort of flirty - or even outright flirty when they have some drinks in them. It doesn't always mean they want to take it further. 

I would say her not really reacting to what you sent her doesn't really signal a lot of interest, but you did you send her some sort of message along with the song? Or just the song itself? I am wondering if you gave her much to reply to. 

[introverted1]

Shoot your shot.  Worst case, she says no.  Best case, you get a date.  Unless one of those outcomes is unbearable, why not go for it? 

[Repentant]

45 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Here's the thing, though: some people are natrually sort of flirty - or even outright flirty when they have some drinks in them. It doesn't always mean they want to take it further. 

I would say her not really reacting to what you sent her doesn't really signal a lot of interest, but you did you send her some sort of message along with the song? Or just the song itself? I am wondering if you gave her much to reply to. 

Thank you for your reply! Yeah, that's pretty much what my friend told me, however she did make a point of mentioning that she personally wouldn't flirt with someone in whom she'd have absolutely no interest. That's what set off the "hmm" in my mind. 

To answer your question, I didn't really give her much to work with, no, just the song. Anything subsequent to that would have had to come from scratch. That's why I didn't read too much into it either way, but decided to err on the side of caution (i.e. not being a bother).

Edit: to note, the song wasn't on theme, either, just a song I'd proposed we sing at karaoke:))

Edited yesterday at 03:11 PM by Repentant

[Repentant]

32 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Shoot your shot.  Worst case, she says no.  Best case, you get a date.  Unless one of those outcomes is unbearable, why not go for it? 

Thank you! Well, given my luck, worst case is actually being strung along:)) 

I'll give it the week and I'll see how I'll feel about it then. Enough time for things to settle a bit, I'd say. 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Repentant said:

I'll give it the week and I'll see how I'll feel about it then.

I wouldn’t wait. Set up a meeting and invite her for drinks as soon as you can.

She let you play with her hair and made flirty comments. I’d make a move right there and then, but I guess doing it the next day is fine too.

In the worst case, she’s say no, and you’ll move on. Not a big deal.

 

1 hour ago, Repentant said:

Well, given my luck, worst case is actually being strung along:)) 

Why would you let her string you along?

 

[flitzanu]

stop believing that instagram means absolutely anything.  it isn't real interaction by liking and posting things.

you have her number, contact her and ask her out, if she gives anything other than a "yes" then take it to mean it is a "no" and move on.

[FredEire]

Definitely dont wait two weeks to "play it cool". I can almost guarantee if there was any interest there it would have fizzled out by then.

Shoot your shot, absolutely. Why not? The thing about drunken nights out though is that you might get a flirt, a kiss, or even go the full way but thats absolutely no guarantee they want to see you again.

I can't count how many times I met a girl and we got on like a house on fire, even arranged another meeting the same night and when I text her she didnt even reply. It could just be a momentary thing driven by alcohol.

That doesnt mean you shouldn't try though, what have you got to lose? The odd time these encounters will lead to something, but they certainly won't if you never try. Dont overthink it just message her ASAP.

[introverted1]

Add me to the voices saying not to wait the week.  You met her Saturday.  It's already Tuesday.  What do you gain by waiting a week other than letting her know that you are either low  interest or too insecure to make a move? 

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

Definitely dont wait two weeks to "play it cool". I can almost guarantee if there was any interest there it would have fizzled out by then.

Exactly. 

Either she's interested, in which case asking sooner rather than later will keep the momentum going, or she's not interested, in which case it won't matter when you reach out.  

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Repentant said:

To answer your question, I didn't really give her much to work with, no, just the song. Anything subsequent to that would have had to come from scratch.

What do you mean? It wouldn't have been the first time you communicated with her so I don't follow your logic here. It would have been wiser to send a short message along with the song. I am not sure what kind of response you hoped for when you didn't say anything either. 

 

[Repentant]

20 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I wouldn’t wait. Set up a meeting and invite her for drinks as soon as you can.

She let you play with her hair and made flirty comments. I’d make a move right there and then, but I guess doing it the next day is fine too.

In the worst case, she’s say no, and you’ll move on. Not a big deal.

 

Why would you let her string you along?

 

Thank you! Wow, this is heading in the complete opposite direction, I was convinced I'd get told to leave her alone=))

I'll drop a line today and I'll ask her out. Didn't want to do this any earlier because I was VERY drunk that night, sole reason:))

As for the stringing along bit, seems to happen with or without my input:))

[Repentant]

18 hours ago, flitzanu said:

stop believing that instagram means absolutely anything.  it isn't real interaction by liking and posting things.

you have her number, contact her and ask her out, if she gives anything other than a "yes" then take it to mean it is a "no" and move on.

Thank you! I'll drop a line later today!

To be honest, I only took that Instagram thing to indicate that maybe attraction didn't last through the night on her end, that's all.

[Repentant]

15 hours ago, FredEire said:

Definitely dont wait two weeks to "play it cool". I can almost guarantee if there was any interest there it would have fizzled out by then.

Shoot your shot, absolutely. Why not? The thing about drunken nights out though is that you might get a flirt, a kiss, or even go the full way but thats absolutely no guarantee they want to see you again.

I can't count how many times I met a girl and we got on like a house on fire, even arranged another meeting the same night and when I text her she didnt even reply. It could just be a momentary thing driven by alcohol.

That doesnt mean you shouldn't try though, what have you got to lose? The odd time these encounters will lead to something, but they certainly won't if you never try. Dont overthink it just message her ASAP.

Thanks so much! My thinking exactly, which is why I was leaning toward dropping the whole thing:)) Anyway, I'll give it a shot and I'll see what comes of it!

[Repentant]

10 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Add me to the voices saying not to wait the week.  You met her Saturday.  It's already Tuesday.  What do you gain by waiting a week other than letting her know that you are either low  interest or too insecure to make a move? 

Exactly. 

Either she's interested, in which case asking sooner rather than later will keep the momentum going, or she's not interested, in which case it won't matter when you reach out.  

Thank you! Makes a lot of sense, I was just thinking I didn't want be a creep, I guess.

[Repentant]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What do you mean? It wouldn't have been the first time you communicated with her so I don't follow your logic here. It would have been wiser to send a short message along with the song. I am not sure what kind of response you hoped for when you didn't say anything either. 

 

Ah, I was referring to the Instagram thing in a vacuum, pretty much. Exactly what you specify, that I should've given more were I to expect more of a reply, but I don't think I was thinking of starting a conversation when I did. More like continuing the one we had earlier that night.

[FredEire]

49 minutes ago, Repentant said:

Thanks so much! My thinking exactly, which is why I was leaning toward dropping the whole thing:)) Anyway, I'll give it a shot and I'll see what comes of it!

Yeah. Over the years Ive learned not to expect too much from someone you meet in a bar, even if shes doing backflips and saying she wants to marry you that night. It's too much of a superficial setting.

Protect your peace by not attaching any meaning to the outcome. If she doesnt text back or gives a very flaky answer just shrug and move on. But absolutely give it a shot, why not?

[Repentant]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

Yeah. Over the years Ive learned not to expect too much from someone you meet in a bar, even if shes doing backflips and saying she wants to marry you that night. It's too much of a superficial setting.

Protect your peace by not attaching any meaning to the outcome. If she doesnt text back or gives a very flaky answer just shrug and move on. But absolutely give it a shot, why not?

Yep, funnily enough, the fact that I started off by thinking I should drop it has eased a lot of the pressure of actually doing it. I'll take it as it comes and move forward with the info, but I won't take it personally. No point.

[Repentant]

On 2/10/2026 at 4:25 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

Here's the thing, though: some people are natrually sort of flirty - or even outright flirty when they have some drinks in them. It doesn't always mean they want to take it further. 

I would say her not really reacting to what you sent her doesn't really signal a lot of interest, but you did you send her some sort of message along with the song? Or just the song itself? I am wondering if you gave her much to reply to. 

Sorry to dredge up old comments, wanted to add a bit of context I'd missed the first time: she was zero drinks deep when the heavy flirting started, I was the drunk one:)) Another major part of why I was mulling this possibility over in my head, otherwise I wouldn't have even considered it if we both had been drunk. 

[FredEire]

30 minutes ago, Repentant said:

Yep, funnily enough, the fact that I started off by thinking I should drop it has eased a lot of the pressure of actually doing it. I'll take it as it comes and move forward with the info, but I won't take it personally. No point.

Yeah, people say and do a hell of a lot of things they dont really mean when they are out socialising, especially if alcohol was involved. Its surely annoying if you value consistency but it isnt personal. If someone turns out to be flaky not your problem.

[Repentant]

16 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yeah, people say and do a hell of a lot of things they dont really mean when they are out socialising, especially if alcohol was involved. Its surely annoying if you value consistency but it isnt personal. If someone turns out to be flaky not your problem.

Very well said, and very true! It's a hard lesson to learn, but it sure makes things a helluva lot easier afterwards! Nah, going at it in good fun. Wouldn't see the point in it otherwise, anyway, not planning on finding a relationship which'd kill me with stress-related diseases:))