Married Friend With Benefits Is In Love With Me

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing a married man for about a year now, and today he confessed that he is in love with me, and he wants me to quit my job as an exotic dancer. He is , according to him, being neglected sexually(nor does she cook so he eats fast food all of the time) by his wife who is an engineer after making several attempts to get his needs met in his marriage.

He has also started being more romantic, paying my bills, buying me flowers, lingerie, and also spending the night with me at my place. He cooks for me when he is here. 

Today while he was over my place, he told me that he is in love with me. From the beginning, I told him that because he is married, all we can do is have sex (as I am clearly aware that most who indulge in extramarital affairs do not leave their marriage for their affair partner), & that my intent is not to blow up his marriage or cause any drama. They sleep in separate bedrooms & sex between them is non-existent. He is 53, & I am 23. 

As someone who put my cards on the table in the beginning (I'm single and am not currently looking for love), how should I hande him telling me that he has fallen in love with me? 

I was honest about what we would be the moment he told me he was married after we decided to see each one another. 

[ExpatInItaly]

First of all, please know that cheaters lie, so he is probably also lying to you about the true state of his marriage and the reasons for it. 

Second, understand that he is trying to manipulate you by paying your bills and buying you gifits. That's not about "love" for a guy like this. And why can you not pay your own bills? Haven't you got enough money? 

Third, girl, what are you doing with your life? You are young and in your prime. Surely you can attract better-quality men than this. You don't need to "handle" anything about hin saying he is in love. He is not available to actually date and he'd be a horrible candidate for a relationship anyway. It's time to get your values and prirorities straightened out. 

[Gebidozo]

The best way to handle this would be to stop having sex with a married man.

Do you have feelings for him? If you do, then tell him to divorce his wife, and then the two of you can take it from here.

Just bear in mind that you should take his love confession with a grain of salt. It’s very easy for a 53 year old man living a sexless life to delude himself into believing that what he is feeling for a 23 year old women who sleeps with him is love.

If don’t have feelings for him, don’t humiliate yourself and him by sleeping with him in exchange for gifts.

 

[Sanch62]

12 hours ago, Anonymous said:

...he is in love with me, and he wants me to quit my job as an exotic dancer.

Decide whether you want your independent life and finances reduced to a dependency on one private client who calls all the shots.

Decide whether you want to believe claims from a man who justifies his disloyalty to a woman who believed him when he stood in public and made vows to her. 

[MarriageRealist]

On 2/7/2026 at 9:04 PM, Anonymous said:

I've been seeing a married man for about a year now, and today he confessed that he is in love with me, and he wants me to quit my job as an exotic dancer. He is , according to him, being neglected sexually(nor does she cook so he eats fast food all of the time) by his wife who is an engineer after making several attempts to get his needs met in his marriage.

He has also started being more romantic, paying my bills, buying me flowers, lingerie, and also spending the night with me at my place. He cooks for me when he is here. 

Today while he was over my place, he told me that he is in love with me. From the beginning, I told him that because he is married, all we can do is have sex (as I am clearly aware that most who indulge in extramarital affairs do not leave their marriage for their affair partner), & that my intent is not to blow up his marriage or cause any drama. They sleep in separate bedrooms & sex between them is non-existent. He is 53, & I am 23. 

As someone who put my cards on the table in the beginning (I'm single and am not currently looking for love), how should I hande him telling me that he has fallen in love with me? 

I was honest about what we would be the moment he told me he was married after we decided to see each one another. 

You need to end this immediately and protect yourself. This man is 53, you’re 23 - he’s pursuing someone 30 years younger because women his age wouldn’t tolerate this behavior. He’s lying to both you and his wife, using a sob story about being sexually neglected to justify cheating, and now he’s escalating by saying he loves you and asking you to quit your job, which would make you financially dependent on him. These are classic manipulation tactics. He’s not going to leave his wife - men who are truly unhappy in their marriages either work on them or leave, they don’t carry on year-long affairs while complaining about their spouse. The fact that he’s now getting more romantic and trying to financially control you (paying bills, asking you to quit your job) is a major red flag that he’s trying to trap you in this situation. You were clear from the beginning that you weren’t looking for love and understood the boundaries, but now he’s trying to change the rules to benefit himself. Walk away now before you’re in any deeper - you deserve someone who can actually be with you openly and honestly, not someone who’s using you to fill gaps in his marriage while keeping you as a secret

[Anonymous]

On 2/8/2026 at 3:04 AM, Anonymous said:

I've been seeing a married man for about a year now, and today he confessed that he is in love with me, and he wants me to quit my job as an exotic dancer. He is , according to him, being neglected sexually(nor does she cook so he eats fast food all of the time) by his wife who is an engineer after making several attempts to get his needs met in his marriage.

He has also started being more romantic, paying my bills, buying me flowers, lingerie, and also spending the night with me at my place. He cooks for me when he is here. 

Today while he was over my place, he told me that he is in love with me. From the beginning, I told him that because he is married, all we can do is have sex (as I am clearly aware that most who indulge in extramarital affairs do not leave their marriage for their affair partner), & that my intent is not to blow up his marriage or cause any drama. They sleep in separate bedrooms & sex between them is non-existent. He is 53, & I am 23. 

As someone who put my cards on the table in the beginning (I'm single and am not currently looking for love), how should I hande him telling me that he has fallen in love with me? 

I was honest about what we would be the moment he told me he was married after we decided to see each one another. 

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[petee]

There is no monopoly on love. If it feels right then you gotta give it your shot. This could work out like a fairytale or maybe a disaster. The thing is if you have nothing to lose then open your heart and see.