in gradschool and 34 years old. feel fcking hopeless because I never had a girlfriend and now I'm screwed :(

February 7

I'm at the point where I just feel like ending it. I never figured out what I wanted to do in life, have mental health disorders, and now I'm scrambling to get my life together because of it. After this semester I'll be half way done with this public health program if I can continue and then I would get my masters. I only got into this because it was 42 credits and didn't have any prerequisites. I only have entry level experience and no experience to get a better job. but the salaries don't sound promising.

I'm honestly ready to end it all. I'm tired of being single and miserable. My therapist says it shouldn't affect my dating life at all but I no that isn't true. almost every woman on reddit says its a dealbreaker. At this point I'll probably be living here until my parents are dead. I honestly don't wanna be alive anymore either because of this. idk what to do.

February 7

I never figured out what I wanted to do in life, have mental health disorders, and now I'm scrambling to get my life together because of it. After this semester I'll be half way done with this public health program if I can continue and then I would get my masters. I only got into this because it was 42 credits and didn't have any prerequisites. I only have entry level experience and no experience to get a better job. but the salaries don't sound promising.

I'm tired of being single and miserable. My therapist says it shouldn't affect my dating life at all but I no that isn't true. almost every woman on reddit says its a dealbreaker. At this point I'll probably be living here until my parents are dead. I honestly don't wanna be alive anymore either because of this. idk what to do.

All my peers are thriving and here I am....a worthless pos loser who fcked his life up.

Edited February 12 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

February 7

Please call a helpline that is set up for these types of things. This is merely a dating advice site and most of the time our advice doesn't go much further then is this person interested or not interested. You are dealing with struggles more serious then that.

February 7

I understand feeling behind in life. I'm 32, nor married and only had one serious relationship that didnt work out. Im also in an industry that doesnt pay great and struggling to find my way in the employment sphere.

What I find useful is to think of it this way: today is always the first day of the rest of your life. You could be an executive with 7 figures in the bank, a wife and a happy life and in the space of a few weeks or a few months your wife leaves you, your company goes bust and you are broke and starting at square one again, basically in the same place you find yourself now. I have met many such people. Life is not linear progress but thats the way people like to depict it to comfort themselves.

Age gives us generic markers for where we "should" be at a certain point in your life but we are all so different and on different paths, and many of the people we think are ahead are struggling in their own ways.

There is really no use limiting yourself because you feel you haven't done enough, the past is gone and the important thing to focus on is that you are here alive and kicking, today. Whether you are 14, 24, 34, or 74 the same still applies, you have to focus on living the rest of your life to the fullest, and there are still many doors open to you if you can bring yourself to pursue them

Edited February 7 by FredEire

February 7

2 hours ago, FredEire said:

I understand feeling behind in life. I'm 32, nor married and only had one serious relationship that didnt work out. Im also in an industry that doesnt pay great and struggling to find my way in the employment sphere.

What I find useful is to think of it this way: today is always the first day of the rest of your life. You could be an executive with 7 figures in the bank, a wife and a happy life and in the space of a few weeks or a few months your wife leaves you, your company goes bust and you are broke and starting at square one again, basically in the same place you find yourself now. I have met many such people. Life is not linear progress but thats the way people like to depict it to comfort themselves.

Age gives us generic markers for where we "should" be at a certain point in your life but we are all so different and on different paths, and many of the people we think are ahead are struggling in their own ways.

There is really no use limiting yourself because you feel you haven't done enough, the past is gone and the important thing to focus on is that you are here alive and kicking, today. Whether you are 14, 24, 34, or 74 the same still applies, you have to focus on living the rest of your life to the fullest, and there are still many doors open to you if you can bring yourself to pursue them

I appreciate your in depth response that goes beyond "call the help line" which wouldn't of been a bad suggestion either. and yea it's hard because I'm addicted to social media and can't stop focusing on all my peers who make close to 6 figures, moved out, have happy relationships and get to travel the world.

February 8

2 hours ago, cashny3 said:

it's hard because I'm addicted to social media and can't stop focusing on all my peers who make close to 6 figures, moved out, have happy relationships and get to travel the world.

Maybe you should start by understanding that much of what you see on social media is an illusion. Checking some actual facts about how most people live might help get a clearer picture of it.

For example, there are only a couple of countries in the whole world where the average annual income is low 6 figures. Which means that even in those countries, most people don’t make that much (since averages are skewed towards the higher numbers because there is always a tiny amount of people that are unimaginably rich).

And we’re talking about abnormally rich countries like Monaco. In Burundi, average annual income is about 300$. Yes, three hundred dollars. Per year.

Only a small percentage of people can afford travel. The majority of people on our planet stay in the same location and work very hard just to stay alive.

Moving out? Try living in one house or even one room with several generations of your family. That’s how most people live. Grandparents, parents, a bunch of kids. Very few people can afford to live independently.

As for happy relationships, I hope you don’t need to browse through statistics website to realize how absurd it is to assume that most people have them.

Being in a genuinely happy relationship that lasts many years and doesn’t end in a break up is a very rare occasion. Most people in the world are stuck in relationships because they have to, due to religious and cultural prescriptions, social stigma, and financial considerations. Many of them didn’t even choose to be in those relationships.

Those that have freedom to be with people they actually choose and leave whenever they want to struggle immensely and spend a lot of time and effort to find the right partner, which is anything but guaranteed.

Their small chance of success decidedly depends on their mindset. Complaining about one’s own life and envying the lives of others is deeply unattractive. Start by counting your blessings and loving yourself and your life.

Edited February 8 by Gebidozo

February 8

On 2/7/2026 at 4:24 AM, cashny3 said:

almost every woman on reddit says its a dealbreaker.

Says what is a dealbreaker, exactly?

February 8

16 hours ago, cashny3 said:

I appreciate your in depth response that goes beyond "call the help line" which wouldn't of been a bad suggestion either. and yea it's hard because I'm addicted to social media and can't stop focusing on all my peers who make close to 6 figures, moved out, have happy relationships and get to travel the world.

Social media isnt real. Its a highlight real of people's happiest moments. Nobody is going to post a story of them crying in bed alone and depressed even though this is something many many people go through. You're not alone but social media is very good at making people feel alone. Either get off it entirely if you can (the best option) or just take a step back and realise it isnt all that it seems.

February 8

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Says what is a dealbreaker, exactly?

I'm assuming its a guy in his 30s who isn't making big money.

But again, why look at "women on Reddit" and assume this is a representation of all women?

Yes, its positive for a man to have a good income, but it really isnt a good representation of your worth as a person. On the flipside, would you really want a woman who was only with you because you were making six figures a year?

Aim to further your career and income yes, but because you want to improve yourself and your own lifestyle as an individual, not because you thing you need it to finally attract a partner.

February 8

2 hours ago, FredEire said:

I'm assuming its a guy in his 30s who isn't making big money.

That's what I'm wondering which part is the dealbreaker OP refers to: a literal six-figure income, reasonable income but living with parents, or somethng else.

February 8

You're only 34. Lots of people are still figuring things out. Social media is not real - I can guarantee you that every single one of the people you are envying has problems of their own.

That being said, what are you doing to make things better for yourself? Are you getting help for the social media addiction? Do you have a career counselor at your university, can you talk to them?

February 8

5 hours ago, FredEire said:

I'm assuming its a guy in his 30s who isn't making big money.

But again, why look at "women on Reddit" and assume this is a representation of all women?

Yes, its positive for a man to have a good income, but it really isnt a good representation of your worth as a person. On the flipside, would you really want a woman who was only with you because you were making six figures a year?

Aim to further your career and income yes, but because you want to improve yourself and your own lifestyle as an individual, not because you thing you need it to finally attract a partner.

I make 24 an hour and change. and I just assume the reddit up votes are representative of MOST women not all.

February 8

3 hours ago, Els said:

You're only 34. Lots of people are still figuring things out. Social media is not real - I can guarantee you that every single one of the people you are envying has problems of their own.

That being said, what are you doing to make things better for yourself? Are you getting help for the social media addiction? Do you have a career counselor at your university, can you talk to them?

I've been working with a career counselor and have a therapist yes. But it's so hard to flip this mindset.

February 8

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That's what I'm wondering which part is the dealbreaker OP refers to: a literal six-figure income, reasonable income but living with parents, or somethng else.

I meant to say I'm jealous of people who make that income. I don't make 5 figures.

February 8

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Says what is a dealbreaker, exactly?

living at home with your parents because you can't afford to live on your own and barely have experience for a better job.

February 8

5 hours ago, FredEire said:

I'm assuming its a guy in his 30s who isn't making big money.

But again, why look at "women on Reddit" and assume this is a representation of all women?

Yes, its positive for a man to have a good income, but it really isnt a good representation of your worth as a person. On the flipside, would you really want a woman who was only with you because you were making six figures a year?

Aim to further your career and income yes, but because you want to improve yourself and your own lifestyle as an individual, not because you thing you need it to finally attract a partner.

I'm not saying I need 6 figures necessarily. I'm perfectly fine with 5 figures assuming it's on the higher end.

February 9

people talk about this in real life too. it's not just social media

February 9

15 hours ago, cashny3 said:

I make 24 an hour and change. and I just assume the reddit up votes are representative of MOST women not all.

No actually they are representative of Reddit, that's it.

That's not a bad wage in most of the world if you are working full time. Im presuming from your username you live in NYC? I've spent some time there and I have to say its a great city but I would never live there. The rat race culture seems particularly brutal and prices are insane.

I'm from Europe, have you ever considered moving here or taking another big leap of faith and seeing where it leads you? If you're not married and dont have kids theres really no reason why you couldn't other than the limits you put on yourself.

February 9

some people twice your age aren't making that much an hour.

is that a positive enough thought for you?

February 9

22 hours ago, cashny3 said:

I make 24 an hour and change. and I just assume the reddit up votes are representative of MOST women not all.

It's understandably difficult to survive independently on $24 an hour in NYC, if that's where you live.

What does your career counselor say about that? What advice did they give you? A Masters will open up doors to you, but you need to know which ones to aim for.

February 10

14 hours ago, FredEire said:

No actually they are representative of Reddit, that's it.

That's not a bad wage in most of the world if you are working full time. Im presuming from your username you live in NYC? I've spent some time there and I have to say its a great city but I would never live there. The rat race culture seems particularly brutal and prices are insane.

I'm from Europe, have you ever considered moving here or taking another big leap of faith and seeing where it leads you? If you're not married and dont have kids theres really no reason why you couldn't other than the limits you put on yourself.

The thing is in NYC is very shunned upon by women if you still live with parents. Living with roommates is more acceptable. In Europe it might be different because of the culture. I'm not really sure. And yes it had crossed my mind to live somewhere else but leaving my friends and family behind would be very hard.

February 10

2 minutes ago, cashny3 said:

The thing is in NYC is very shunned upon by women if you still live with parents. Living with roommates is more acceptable. In Europe it might be different because of the culture. I'm not really sure. And yes it had crossed my mind to live somewhere else but leaving my friends and family behind would be very hard.

It depends. Look I wouldn't say it's fantastic to live with one's parents almost anywhere past the age of say 25, but some places will judge you more based on your circumstances and your personality than that.

I know NYC is really career focused, I've been told by people who lived there that dating really sucked but its hearsay and I can't say I know personally. Another advantage of going somewhere different would be that well you wouldn't be living with your parents any more, plus life might be more affordable to do the things you really want to do.

Also it doesnt have to be forever, even in Europe/Asia etc. but especially if you relocate to another part of the USA.

February 10

On 2/8/2026 at 3:40 PM, cashny3 said:

I meant to say I'm jealous of people who make that income. I don't make 5 figures.

meant to say I don't make 6 figures*

Edited February 10 by cashny3

February 10

9 hours ago, Els said:

It's understandably difficult to survive independently on $24 an hour in NYC, if that's where you live.

What does your career counselor say about that? What advice did they give you? A Masters will open up doors to you, but you need to know which ones to aim for.

I remember her talking about looking into internships since I always talk about not having experience. I forget what she says about transferable experience. I need to record our zoom meetings. it also sucks that I can no longer schedule 1 on 1 sessions. our school took that away. I can only attend office hours.

February 10

10 hours ago, flitzanu said:

some people twice your age aren't making that much an hour.

is that a positive enough thought for you?

Yea I realize that also.

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in gradschool and 34 years old. feel fcking hopeless because I never had a girlfriend and now I'm screwed :(

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