tinktronik Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Hello all, Ive posted before on the tink family saga...Well here we go again.It all stems from the crazy woman that is my mother. My older half-sister seems to be doing well, she has started a business ,is pulling a decent income ,fairly happily married , a few kids . I dont speak all that much to her , we just dont have all that much in common besides our awful shared childhood ,and blatant avoidance of our mother. We are very different people with very different views in life (within a range of course). I also have a younger half-brother 21 years old, hes never cut contact with my mother (lets call her J) .My brother in the last few years has been arrested at least 10 times , thrown out of the military , put in the brig while he was in the military. A few months ago (still on probation) he decided it was time for rehab , he has a long standing enjoyment with illegal substance abuse most likely addction. I need to work backwards here: I can remember J screaming at my brother before he could even talk about how he was a loser , was just like his peic# of s*** father , would end up in prison, he was a faggo* , ect .This has gone on his whole life . She still does it ,and he still sticks around for it . I bailed at 14 , left home hitch-hiked across the country and made life begin (rough as hell , but much much much better than being at home with J ) . My brother called me recently in his quest for rehab , I only talk to him once a year or so, he requested my help, I found a facility that would house him for up to 4 years , would help him through college , would feed him , support him , all he had to do was stay clean.He agreed , J was in charge of him while he was on probation , she talked to his probation officer and convinced the PO that it would be a bad idea as this was out of state.The only reason this was a bad idea is that he would have been away from her...The facility has dealt with this before , he could have daily calls to his PO if needed all arrangements could be handled. The PO was all about it till he spoke with J. Two days ago I got a call from J , informing me that me peice of s*** brother was just like his father ,hed landed himself in jail again , hes such a loser ...blah blah blah......she knew it !!!, it has nothing to do with her ...blah blah blah. This is my brothers 3rd strike .Hes out , at 21 he has no future , a wrap sheet a mile long ...how will he ever do anything with his life now.As the years go by ,I hate J for the destruction shes left in her wake , and her refusal to acknoledge that any of this is because of her actions. It makes me sick to hear about all of this , and I know there is no more I can do, just stay away from her. Just felt like sharing this. Thanks all!!!
Mz. Pixie Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Tink- Becoming has an excellent thread to do with this under abuse. She, myself and Blind Otter and a few others have commented. You may want to take a peek at that.
Becoming Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Oh, Tink. I'm sorry. I know this hurts like crazy. I left home as soon as I could (I wasn't brave enough to do it at 14, though) and felt guilty for leaving my younger sisters there all my life. Your brother never stood a chance, did he? Is it possible to talk to his PO to tell him thanks for all he's done in past for your bro, fill him in on situation with J and then ask for advice about how to proceed? And there is something you can do if you haven't already--confront your mother with her abusive behavior. I know it probably won't change her, but it'll change you. Instead of running from the situation, as it sounds like you've always done (I'm a runner, too--no judgment!), you'll gain strength from knowing you're a big girl who doesn't have to take this sheit anymore. It'll also feel good standing up for your brother and yourself--yes yourself, and your efforts to help him. You may have done this when your mother called, but I know I'm often so flummoxed at the audacity of abusers that I go numb in the moment (an old protective device) instead of standing up to the abuser and telling her to stop.
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