Am I right to be angry or am I overreacting?

[Simone26]

This is just a basic who is wrong and who is right question.

We have been together for a while, close to 6 years and we’ve always had an adventurous sex life. I had long wanted to have a threesome with us and another man and it was always going to happen, it was just a matter of when.

His best friend whom he never sees, who now lives overseas, was in town for a week on business and I met him for the first time. And yeah it happened. And then again on the last day he was here. It went well, no jealousy, no issues. I love my bf even more for letting me experience that.

That was nearly 9 months ago and he’s about to visit again and I admit I got excited by the thought and asked my bf if we could again. He said he didn’t think we would be able to manage it because his WIFE and KIDS would be with him. I felt so sick. I would never knowingly do that. I cannot believe my bf put me in that situation.

I’ve been asked to keep my mouth shut. How can I meet and greet her and welcome her into our home knowing what we’ve done?

My bf is adamant it is not our issue. If he cheated that is his issue. We don’t need to be involved in it. But it is my issue now, how can I entertain her while the boys go out and golfing for example when I know that she’s being lied to.

I am really angry at my bf but he thinks I’m overreacting, he thinks that we do us and they do them and we don’t need to blur the lines. How do I look this woman in the eyes when she no doubt is going to talk up her husband when I know what her did and worse what he did with me?

And one more thing, they do not have an open relationship, that is something that has been made very clear to me now and why I’ve been muted.

What do you all think? How big of a lie is this?

[Gebidozo]

You aren’t overreacting.

If your boyfriend had known that you wouldn’t participate in an act of cheating before you did the MMF threesome, then I think you’re underreacting.

He made you an unwilling accomplice to a dishonest act. That isn’t something that can be overlooked.

Even if he hadn’t known that you’d have moral reservations, I think it’s very strange and extremely disrespectful that he failed to mention that his friend was married and would be cheating on his wife.

 

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

If your boyfriend had known that you wouldn’t participate in an act of cheating before you did the MMF threesome, then I think you’re underreacting.

My thoughts exactly. 

Surely your boyfriend knew his best friend is married and has children. That's a huge lie of omission. I of course think the friend is repulsive for making you an unwitting party to his cheating, OP, but I am seriously side-eyeing your boyfriend here as well. 

His choices and atttiude about all of this are deeply concerning. 

 

[flitzanu]

you've been together for 6 years, and this is your boyfriend's "best friend"?  how could you not know your boyfriend's best friend is married? 

[ShyViolet]

This was a huge lack of communication all around.  Your bf should have told you that his friend was married.  But on the other hand, why wouldn't you ask some basic questions about the friend before going through with this?  If not being a part of cheating is so vitally important to you, why wouldn't you ask if the friend is single, just to check?  It sounds like no one brought it up and you just assumed.

[Simone26]

4 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It sounds like no one brought it up and you just assumed.

Yep, that is true. I assumed my bf who knows my views on cheating would not have ever let this situation happen. I won't say this is as big as him cheating but he made me be involved in cheating and I hate that.  It seems that despite the fact that we've been in a truly successful and communicative somewhat open relationship that there's still room for improvement. 

[Simone26]

13 hours ago, flitzanu said:

how could you not know your boyfriend's best friend is married? 

I'd never even met him, I'd seen him in a couple of pictures. It's probably more accurate to say they're ex best friends, not ex in the sense that they're no longer friends but ex in that he has many more closer friends now simply due to distance. 

[Simone26]

16 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

His choices and atttiude about all of this are deeply concerning. 

Yes they are. I'm not sure what I even want from him. It really sucks when you find your kindred spirit and they let you down like this.

[Simone26]

21 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

He made you an unwilling accomplice to a dishonest act. That isn’t something that can be overlooked.

I'm not overlooking it, I just don't know how I want to resolve this, or if I even do, or if it's even possible. I don't think I can meet them when they come to visit, I'll probably stay with my parents and he can field any questions over where I am and why.  I just can't look her in the eye. It would destroy me.