Should I open up to my ex about my anxiety or hold back?

[someone361278]

Hi everyone, I’m in a tricky situation and could use some perspective.

I’m reconnecting with my ex, and we’re in this “getting to know each other again” phase. So far we’ve had three meetups:

The first one went really well, we watched a movie and cuddled.

The next two meetings were harder for me because I was quite nervous and struggled to give her closeness; I was tense and she noticed that, especially at the last meetup.

Yesterday, we had planned another meetup, but she canceled at the last minute, saying she had a migraine. I have a feeling it might also have been related to her noticing my nervousness in the chat, and that she might have wanted to avoid a situation similar to the last meetup.

Since then, she said she needs some time for herself. It’s been over a week since we last met, and she’s been replying slower and slower to messages.

Despite that, she’s always warm and understanding in her replies, which makes me feel safe but also highlights my own insecurities.

I’ve been feeling anxious and insecure, worried that I might be “too much” or “too little.” I’m wondering whether it would help to open up honestly about my anxiety, or if that might push her away or overwhelm her.

Is it generally better to be honest and share these feelings, or should I hold back in situations like this?

Thanks for any perspective!

*I structured this post with the help of ChatGPT to make my thoughts clearer, since my native language is German.

[ShyViolet]

Why did you break up in the first place?  How long were you together?

[someone361278]

12 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Why did you break up in the first place?  How long were you together?

honestly hard to pin down
simply put we both werent ready to put in work for the relationship or rather didnt do the right things
she was also in a really bad spot mentally
and for me it was the first real relationship and i didnt know how to deal correctly with alot of things 
none of us really wanted to end it so it was a back and forth to the end when at some point we couldnt take it anymore
this was roughly 4-5 years ago and we were together close to 2 years i think or like 1,5 

[flitzanu]

21 hours ago, someone361278 said:

 

Since then, she said she needs some time for herself. It’s been over a week since we last met, and she’s been replying slower and slower to messages.

 

since you indicated English is not your native language, can you explain how this statement was said by her?

if a person tells you they "need time away from you" that's usually a bad thing.

 

[Lotsgoingon]

She totally knows about your anxiety. Are you kidding me? 

And yes, you need to officially disclose this. BTW: the entire point of an intimate relationship is that we can disclose our strengths and weaknesses and get support! In other words, you refusing to talk about your anxiety defeats the purpose of a relationship. 

But let's back up. Tons of people have anxiety? And they do ok in relationships.  But if your anxiety is interfering with an intimate romantic relationship, there's a bigger problem going on. Are you getting help for this?!

 

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