PandaPanda Posted January 27 Posted January 27 It’s been at least 2 months now since the break up. I thought I was doing fine, but then once a while the feeling of missing him or the memories of our good times together appear. I tried to divert the thoughts to something else, but it still make me feel quite sad. My friends encouraged me to go back on the dating app, but I find myself not feeling it or I would start talking to a guy and just don’t feel the same connection as I did with my ex. Then it remind me of how attentive and caring my ex was, and it makes me miss him. Which then made me feel I might never be able to find someone like him again. Maybe I’ll be alone forever and it scared me and make me feel very sad as well. I know maybe I am just feeling lonely. I also know my ex is not the right person for me so even if I miss, I know I should never reach out to him again. I just don’t know how to get myself out of the negative and lonely thoughts.
flitzanu Posted January 27 Posted January 27 that bar is pretty low, once you feel ready to date it should be pretty easy to find someone way better than the ex that told you he wasn't into you and didn't actually want to date you. focus on people that actually want to spend time with you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted January 28 Posted January 28 On 1/27/2026 at 1:28 PM, PandaPanda said: Then it remind me of how attentive and caring my ex was, and it makes me miss him Is this not the same man who told you after the second date that there was no attraction, and then strung you along for months? I would urge you to seek counselling at this point, as it sounds like you aren't willing or able to see the reality of the situation for what it was. As a consequence, you are getting trapped in your delusion of how "caring" and "attentive" this man was. 2
Author PandaPanda Posted February 2 Author Posted February 2 I know he told me the attraction wasn’t strong enough and he did string me alone. But it doesn’t change the fact that he was attentive during the time we were dating. It’s not that I don’t accept reality of what he said and did and how things ended. It just the nicer part during dating that I miss. I don’t think about him every day or every minute, just here and there. It just the thought of dating again and not finding anyone that will connect with me scared me.
Sanch62 Posted February 5 Posted February 5 Nobody can put a pin on grief and tell you when it 'should' be over. If you're not in the mood to date, you're just not, and that's not a reflection on your future state. Find other ways to bring focus, interests, and fun into your daily life. Having a few moments of missing someone here and there isn't 'wrong' or bad, even if those moments make you cry. In fact, consider setting some time aside to have some boo-hoos with a tissue box and let yourself have a nice purge of tears and emotions. People who allow themselves to do this tend to feel better rather than carrying around a mild river of misery that they're never willing to address. To heal, place enough goals or rewards in front of yourself to move TOWARD, as this prevents you from getting stuck in stagnation with your past. This doesn't need to be about dating until you are ready, and the way to get ready is to grow into a state of contentment and enjoyment that can be shared WITH dates rather than trying to achieve such a state from dating. 1
Author PandaPanda Posted February 22 Author Posted February 22 Thank you!! Ive been feeling a lot better these days. I did have a big cry and it did helped a lot. I’m doing my own things, more actives and keeping myself occupied. A few days ago my ex liked one of the message that I’ve send him when we broke up, which was 3 months ago. Now I can’t stop thinking why did he suddenly like my message. I know I shouldn’t care and it doesn’t matter why he do it, it shouldn’t affect me anymore. But somehow I just can’t stop thinking about him, why he did it, what his thinking, what he wants. Was this to get my attention, then why don’t just message me instead of liking my old message. I know I shouldn’t let him consume anymore of my time or energy, but now I’m starting to miss him again and have this urge to message him to ask why. Did he miss me or regret breaking up with me. I’m kinda a mess again.
Sanch62 Posted February 22 Posted February 22 8 hours ago, PandaPanda said: ...I know I shouldn’t let him consume anymore of my time or energy, but now I’m starting to miss him again and have this urge to message him to ask why. Did he miss me or regret breaking up with me. I’m kinda a mess again. You'll thank yourself if you don't reach out. Trust that he knows how to speak with you if he believes it would be beneficial. He likely had a time of reflection and wanted you to know that the message he pinged was well taken. While it feels like you've fallen back, this doesn't wipe out your progress. Grief tends to cycle in waves, and anything can trigger another one. You've proven, however, that you can bounce back into feeling good again. That's a choice you'll make when you are ready. Consider reading up on the stages of grief: denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. These are not neat and linear; they're each cycles you'll revisit until you're done. Ex's ping has you revisiting the bargaining stage. Embrace the pain that comes with it, but then move your focus TOWARD something rewarding rather than trying to pull away from pain without another target to focus on.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23 Posted February 23 I would block this guy. He is messing with you at this point, and that is not what a decent man does. He was waving red flags at you before and he still is. Stop giving him any access to you at all or you will keep coming back to this dead end. 1
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