3 Years Later... What do I do?

[larue80]

It's been a little over three years since my ex and I broke up. 

We got together very young (18 and 19) and were together for 8 years. As we were young, the early years had a LOT of ups and downs, and we were still working on some of them right before we broke up.

Before we broke up, I felt he was the love of my life, even 8 years later. We were very much considered an annoying couple to be around. I was in love with his personality, perspective, and intelligence and thought he was beautiful. We were each others best friends and had a lot of fun doing practically nothing together.  We had our issues (such as some overbearing family members, avoidance on his part of tougher things, and I had a tendency to be a hot head and jump to conclusions too quickly) but we were working on these things and they were all getting better before we broke up. We were ridiculously happy together, even when things were "bad." We could be having an awful time- be it a relationship issue or an individual issue, but we could put it aside and enjoy each other's company/be there for each other. 

But then I found out he had broken my trust. It was like it undid everything, and I felt utterly betrayed. At first, I was reactionary- angry and devastated and, honestly, mean. However, after some time, we sat down to talk and had some brutally honest conversations. We decided to move forward with breaking up more due to breakdowns in communication rather than what he had done. We really valued our time and how much we had grown together and shaped one another and broke up, hoping to remain a part of eachothers lives.

I moved away, and we remained somewhat in touch, but very soon after, I knew I was no longer in love with him. I still had a lot of love and care for him. However, I still never stopped missing him. I missed having a partner, a support system, and my best friend. Still, I went about starting over and completed my MA and got a new job in my desired field. I made new friends and have built a life for myself.

About a year later, we ended up in the same area and reconnected as friends, spending more time together. It has been another year since then. As of about 4 months ago, we have had less contact as spending time together, especially doing a lot of the same things we used to as a couple, began to get confusing and started to bring up old feelings. We've had some discussion around it and he has expressed wanting to have a deeper/larger discussion about our relationship and break up but we both have a lot of familial and work obligations so we have yet to meet... and truthfully, he is being avoidant again. 

In the entire last three years, neither of us has moved onto a new relationship or had any serious prospects. While I do not love him romatically anymore, I do still care for him, and I remember how easy and fun it was to be together, both in good and bad times. No one else has known me as well as he did or vice-versa. We got together young, and in a lot of ways, it prevented us from growing, and we made a lot of young and foolish mistakes, taking one another for granted. I find myself wondering a lot these last few months if it was a mistake. What if we were the right person at the wrong time? Too early? Should I reach out to try again? It has been three years, and we still seem to be circling one another. We both have acknowledged that while our feelings for one another have, of course, changed- we know it's a slippery slope (hence the distance recently). 

Edited yesterday at 05:42 AM by larue80
Typo

[Gebidozo]

To me personally, this:

7 hours ago, larue80 said:

I do not love him romantically anymore

would be a complete dealbreaker.

If there are no romantic feelings then there can be no romantic relationship. Closeness, friendship, anything, but not a love relationship.

I don’t think it’s healthy to circle each other after you both have fallen out of love. Maybe cutting off or at least diminishing contact would be a good idea. And it’s definitely time to start dating other people.

 

[ShyViolet]

I'm so confused as to why you are asking if you should try again with him, when you say you do not love him romantically anymore.

[flitzanu]

12 hours ago, larue80 said:

 

But then I found out he had broken my trust. It was like it undid everything, and I felt utterly betrayed.

so that means what, he cheated on you?