Just found out my boyfriend cheated with a guy

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I just found out he cheated with a guy a year ago. I feel so betrayed because he slept with someone else. He also didn’t mention it. I hate it because now I just look like a stupid woman. I thought we would be together forever because the relationship has been amazing. I listened to a phone call with his therapist because I heard him getting emotional in the other room so I listened to what he told them and I overheard him say he slept with a guy around year ago and how he’s been holding onto that guilt. I know that’s wrong but I wanted to know what was going on. I can’t believe he doesn’t even care about me and I care about him more than anything. This makes me feel physically sick. I’m not sure how to confront him. I can’t believe he doesn’t love me after all we’ve been through. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach. What should I do? 

[introverted1]

Did you know that your bf was bisexual? 

Regardless, cheating is cheating.  You're not married or otherwise tethered to this person. Either he isn't sure of his sexuality and is exploring while in the safety of a relationship with you, or he is inherently un-monogamous.  Either way, I'd recommend moving on. 

[Lotsgoingon]

This has nothing to do with whether he loves you. And it has nothing to do with how to talk to him. People who love their partners cheat all the time. Otherwise, cheating would be no big deal. Your framing of this matter is off. 

You need to confront him and steel yourself. Basically you need to dump him. So worrying about how to confront him makes no sense. You need to run. I'm worried that you aren't serious about leaving. Forget humiliation. You can't totally know people ahead of time. Get your ego out of this. Huge numbers of people deal with betraying partners. 

But first confirm your version of reality. You need to talk to him to be sure you heard right. That you listened to him and his therapist is a level 1 sin. His cheating is level 10. Don't get lost in foolish side issues. 

Another good step: start telling all your close friends. You need to come out of shame and embarrassment. You did nothing wrong. 

 

[Sanch62]

'Confront' is a strong word, so decide your goal. If it's to alienate him and leave or kick him out, then your manner of delivery doesn't really matter.

If you want to open a discussion, then telling him you heard his confession to his therapist is the honest way to start. The guy took this session in a home where you were allowed to be, so it makes no sense to walk on eggshells about that.