What is the problem with this guy?

[Anonymous]

A guy I’ve been messaging for a while wants me to act slutty and dress up like a slut/create a fake Instagram account to post racy photos for random men - not for him. He also wants me to go on wild nights out with his friend and her friends so I can pass out from being drunk and throw up over myself. He thought it was funny that I didn't have any hook ups when I went on nights out. 

He suggests that I join in the same activities as his friend, e.g. attend a talk where I can learn how to sleep with 100 men, and go to a speed dating event for immigrants at a hotel or just generally meet them and get their numbers etc. He also is keen for me to go out with ‘lads lads’, and specifically black guys (he’s white). His previous partner apparently did that and he only seems to be interested in women who want to do that. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it but he doesn’t respect my boundaries and keeps trying to sell the idea to me. 

He also would talk about his ex GFs for ages, and random women he found attractive/vice versa, or would bring up other women he’d been talking to on the dating app where we connected. I said I don’t like it and asked him multiple times to stop, he said he would but then kept doing it and got annoyed/defensive and said I was oversensitive and that other women have been interested in hearing about his past because it gives them a better idea of him. What is the issue here?

[Sony12]

He's strictly looking to get laid. Guys talk like that to see if women are interested in the idea of having a hook up with him. If not that's fine and both people can quickly move on to other conversations. If she is attracted to the idea then they can potentially meet up for sex. 

The fact that he has gotten you to ask a question about him on a site like this shows he probably is having at least some success with this type of behavior. Women aren't much different then men on dating apps. Once they find someones attractive they don't always think completely straight.

Edited yesterday at 12:58 PM by Sony12

[introverted1]

36 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

What is the issue here?

You.

Why would you continue to message someone who has said/suggested these things?  That's the avenue to explore. 

[ShyViolet]

 

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

What is the issue here?

Who cares what his issue is?  It's not your job to analyze him or figure out what his motivations are.  Obviously you should stop talking to him or seeing him.  I'm not sure why you would even bother making a post about this guy instead of just cutting contact with him and moving on.

[Sony12]

He must be hot.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. He sounded really nice most of the time and portrayed it as "exploring other avenues/a different side of myself". I couldn't understand what the appeal was for him to get me to act slutty and go after other men. I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting etc. I've blocked him now. And yes, he was attractive and seemed interested in me which played a big part of why I stayed in touch for longer than I should have done.

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. He sounded really nice most of the time and portrayed it as "exploring other avenues/a different side of myself". I couldn't understand what the appeal was for him to get me to act slutty and go after other men. I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting etc. I've blocked him now. And yes, he was attractive and seemed interested in me which played a big part of why I stayed in touch for longer than I should have done.

If you aren't interested in or perhaps are a little offended by people looking for casual sex then online might not be the best avenue to meet people these days. As that is a lot of what you will encounter anymore these days through online apps.

[Anonymous]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

If you aren't interested in or perhaps are a little offended by people looking for casual sex then online might not be the best avenue to meet people these days. As that is a lot of what you will encounter anymore these days through online apps.

True, but he said he was looking for a long term relationship/his life partner, which is also why I stuck around. I guess I fell for it...! I did think to myself it sounded like he wanted a prostitute rather than a girlfriend, and that he sounded like an undercover pimp. 

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

True, but he said he was looking for a long term relationship/his life partner, which is also why I stuck around. I guess I fell for it...! I did think to myself it sounded like he wanted a prostitute rather than a girlfriend, and that he sounded like an undercover pimp. 

Sure if you do the things he wants you to do he would potentially be looking for a long term relationship from you. Generally most of the time when people bring up sex before even meeting each other that is the main thing they are looking for.

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, Anonymous said:

A guy I’ve been messaging for a while wants me to act slutty and dress up like a slut/create a fake Instagram account to post racy photos for random men - not for him. He also wants me to go on wild nights out with his friend and her friends so I can pass out from being drunk and throw up over myself. He thought it was funny that I didn't have any hook ups when I went on nights out. 

He suggests that I join in the same activities as his friend, e.g. attend a talk where I can learn how to sleep with 100 men, and go to a speed dating event for immigrants at a hotel or just generally meet them and get their numbers etc. He also is keen for me to go out with ‘lads lads’, and specifically black guys (he’s white). His previous partner apparently did that and he only seems to be interested in women who want to do that. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it but he doesn’t respect my boundaries and keeps trying to sell the idea to me. 

He also would talk about his ex GFs for ages, and random women he found attractive/vice versa, or would bring up other women he’d been talking to on the dating app where we connected. I said I don’t like it and asked him multiple times to stop, he said he would but then kept doing it and got annoyed/defensive and said I was oversensitive and that other women have been interested in hearing about his past because it gives them a better idea of him. What is the issue here?

It sounds like he is probably a cuck, among other things. As in he enjoys the thought of watching you having sex with other men and by the sound of the stuff about getting blind drunk and sleeping with 100 men, a bit of a sadistic humiliation fetish thrown in.

His kinks don't sound too healthy for you if you go along with them, so sounds like you can probably get away from this guy. If you are a bit kinky yourself find someone where its a bit more mutual and something safe for both participants.

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. 

When someone isn't respecting your boundaries, saying crazy things to you and won't stop suggesting things that make you uncomfortable, that shouldn't be your cue to turn into an amateur psychologist and try to figure out their motivations.  You end the relationship and cut contact.  Your job is to protect yourself and your boundaries.  

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. 

I would imagine that the motive is that he enjoys humiliating others.  

[ExpatInItaly]

14 hours ago, Anonymous said:

What is the issue here?

He's a pimp grooming new girls to work for him. 

Edited 18 hours ago by ExpatInItaly

[Alpacalia]

15 hours ago, Anonymous said:

A guy I’ve been messaging for a while wants me to act slutty and dress up like a slut/create a fake Instagram account to post racy photos for random men - not for him. He also wants me to go on wild nights out with his friend and her friends so I can pass out from being drunk and throw up over myself. He thought it was funny that I didn't have any hook ups when I went on nights out. 

He suggests that I join in the same activities as his friend, e.g. attend a talk where I can learn how to sleep with 100 men, and go to a speed dating event for immigrants at a hotel or just generally meet them and get their numbers etc. He also is keen for me to go out with ‘lads lads’, and specifically black guys (he’s white). His previous partner apparently did that and he only seems to be interested in women who want to do that. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it but he doesn’t respect my boundaries and keeps trying to sell the idea to me. 

He also would talk about his ex GFs for ages, and random women he found attractive/vice versa, or would bring up other women he’d been talking to on the dating app where we connected. I said I don’t like it and asked him multiple times to stop, he said he would but then kept doing it and got annoyed/defensive and said I was oversensitive and that other women have been interested in hearing about his past because it gives them a better idea of him. What is the issue here?

He’s controlling. That’s what’s going on. He has no regard for you. Glad you blocked him. Don't let the appeal of someone being attractive and interested in you make you throw your self-respect out the window.

Edited 18 hours ago by Alpacalia

[fleur89]

Thanks everyone for your honesty and thoughts (I'm the OP)

[Sanch62]

On 1/22/2026 at 11:27 AM, Anonymous said:

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way.

People who are not sick and twisted don't usually have innate insight into what motivates those who are, except to recognize sick and twisted when they see it--and rUn.

Don't trust strangers, especially ones who hide behind a screen. If you want to meet someone worthy to date, stay within a local radius, keep messaging short and clean, and suggest meeting over a quick coffee in public to check one another out. Anyone who won't do that is seeking free masturbation material, not a relationship, no matter what they 'say'.