What is the problem with this guy?

[Anonymous]

A guy I’ve been messaging for a while wants me to act slutty and dress up like a slut/create a fake Instagram account to post racy photos for random men - not for him. He also wants me to go on wild nights out with his friend and her friends so I can pass out from being drunk and throw up over myself. He thought it was funny that I didn't have any hook ups when I went on nights out. 

He suggests that I join in the same activities as his friend, e.g. attend a talk where I can learn how to sleep with 100 men, and go to a speed dating event for immigrants at a hotel or just generally meet them and get their numbers etc. He also is keen for me to go out with ‘lads lads’, and specifically black guys (he’s white). His previous partner apparently did that and he only seems to be interested in women who want to do that. I’ve said I’m not comfortable with it but he doesn’t respect my boundaries and keeps trying to sell the idea to me. 

He also would talk about his ex GFs for ages, and random women he found attractive/vice versa, or would bring up other women he’d been talking to on the dating app where we connected. I said I don’t like it and asked him multiple times to stop, he said he would but then kept doing it and got annoyed/defensive and said I was oversensitive and that other women have been interested in hearing about his past because it gives them a better idea of him. What is the issue here?

[Sony12]

He's strictly looking to get laid. Guys talk like that to see if women are interested in the idea of having a hook up with him. If not that's fine and both people can quickly move on to other conversations. If she is attracted to the idea then they can potentially meet up for sex. 

The fact that he has gotten you to ask a question about him on a site like this shows he probably is having at least some success with this type of behavior. Women aren't much different then men on dating apps. Once they find someones attractive they don't always think completely straight.

Edited 3 hours ago by Sony12

[introverted1]

36 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

What is the issue here?

You.

Why would you continue to message someone who has said/suggested these things?  That's the avenue to explore. 

[ShyViolet]

 

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

What is the issue here?

Who cares what his issue is?  It's not your job to analyze him or figure out what his motivations are.  Obviously you should stop talking to him or seeing him.  I'm not sure why you would even bother making a post about this guy instead of just cutting contact with him and moving on.

[Sony12]

He must be hot.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. He sounded really nice most of the time and portrayed it as "exploring other avenues/a different side of myself". I couldn't understand what the appeal was for him to get me to act slutty and go after other men. I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting etc. I've blocked him now. And yes, he was attractive and seemed interested in me which played a big part of why I stayed in touch for longer than I should have done.

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I just wanted other people's opinions on what could be behind the motive to get me to act in this way. He sounded really nice most of the time and portrayed it as "exploring other avenues/a different side of myself". I couldn't understand what the appeal was for him to get me to act slutty and go after other men. I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting etc. I've blocked him now. And yes, he was attractive and seemed interested in me which played a big part of why I stayed in touch for longer than I should have done.

If you aren't interested in or perhaps are a little offended by people looking for casual sex then online might not be the best avenue to meet people these days. As that is a lot of what you will encounter anymore these days through online apps.

[Anonymous]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

If you aren't interested in or perhaps are a little offended by people looking for casual sex then online might not be the best avenue to meet people these days. As that is a lot of what you will encounter anymore these days through online apps.

True, but he said he was looking for a long term relationship/his life partner, which is also why I stuck around. I guess I fell for it...! I did think to myself it sounded like he wanted a prostitute rather than a girlfriend, and that he sounded like an undercover pimp.