Uncertainty

[MsJayne]

11 hours ago, Betty145 said:

How can I lead into this without completely blindsiding her? 

It starts like this..."Can we have a talk about something that's been worrying me?", and then you calmly explain that you care deeply for her but you're not ready to make a lifelong commitment. She'll cry a lot, and you'll feel like an a*****e, but soon enough the conversation will be over and the dust will settle, and you can help her to move out and do whatever she needs to do to re-establish herself. Unsure whether you're male or female, (name suggests female), but if you're a male you need to stop sleeping with her once you've had the conversation, because some women think getting pregnant will change a man's mind about ending a relationship or that it will at least tie her to you via shared parenthood. 

[Nowherenear]

In my country we say "Good is the enemy of better". If someone endlessly thinks they will find better, and better, and better, they will never appreciate the good that's in front of them.

There's a reason marriage is called "settling DOWN".

[Betty145]

I’m currently out of town on a work trip and planning to do it later tonight when I get home. I’ve been pulling away slowly through text and what not and I think she’s beginning to think something’s up, Should I text her anything before arriving home or just do it right when I get there?

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, Betty145 said:

Should I text her anything before arriving home or just do it right when I get there?

Just speak to her when you get home. Text is useless in this scenario.

[Betty145]

Well I did it. Feeling all sorts of emotions right now, everything from regret, relief, sadness, and loneliness. We both cried our eyes out and talked for quite a while. She handled it pretty maturely and honestly better than I expected, we both reflected on the great times we had and how much we both cared for each other. I explained, it’s not fair to her and I can’t continue to be in the relationships if my hearts not fully in it, she deserves someone who is undoubtedly certain about wanting to marry her and start a life together. 

[Sanch62]

1 minute ago, Betty145 said:

Well I did it. Feeling all sorts of emotions right now, everything from regret, relief, sadness, and loneliness. We both cried our eyes out and talked for quite a while. She handled it pretty maturely and honestly better than I expected, we both reflected on the great times we had and how much we both cared for each other. I explained, it’s not fair to her and I can’t continue to be in the relationships if my hearts not fully in it, she deserves someone who is undoubtedly certain about wanting to marry her and start a life together. 

Your grief is natural, and my heart goes out to you both. You did the right thing.

[Els]

3 hours ago, Betty145 said:

Well I did it. Feeling all sorts of emotions right now, everything from regret, relief, sadness, and loneliness. We both cried our eyes out and talked for quite a while. She handled it pretty maturely and honestly better than I expected, we both reflected on the great times we had and how much we both cared for each other. I explained, it’s not fair to her and I can’t continue to be in the relationships if my hearts not fully in it, she deserves someone who is undoubtedly certain about wanting to marry her and start a life together. 

You did the right thing! Kudos to you, and all the best for your recovery. It'll feel awful for a while, but the negative emotions are only temporary, while you've made both of your futures better and brighter. You should be proud of yourself.

[Betty145]

20 minutes ago, Els said:

You did the right thing! Kudos to you, and all the best for your recovery. It'll feel awful for a while, but the negative emotions are only temporary, while you've made both of your futures better and brighter. You should be proud of yourself.

Thank you. It’s been hard. The thought of her moving her stuff out of the apartment and being in pain makes me feel a pain I’ve never felt before. Can’t even describe it

[Nowherenear]

Please write in here when and if you find a person who you really want to marry. 

[Betty145]

5 minutes ago, Nowherenear said:

Please write in here when and if you find a person who you really want to marry. 

Unhelpful 

[Gebidozo]

9 hours ago, Betty145 said:

Thank you. It’s been hard. The thought of her moving her stuff out of the apartment and being in pain makes me feel a pain I’ve never felt before. Can’t even describe it

I know the feeling.

As other people have said, you did the right thing.

Breakups tend to be extremely painful. But a painful surgery (followed by a painful recovery process) is preferable to living with an incurable, lethal disease.

Try to focus on the selfless aspect of what you did. She deserves a chance at being with someone who is madly in love with her.

You, too, deserve a chance at having great passion.

I met the woman of my dreams at the age of 47. I’ve been in love before, or at least I thought so at the time. Wherever love was lacking, nothing could help. I regret a lot of things, but not those multiple painful breakups themselves. They have led me where I am now, experiencing something I thought was not possible.

Edited Thursday at 06:00 AM by Gebidozo

[Els]

19 hours ago, Betty145 said:

Thank you. It’s been hard. The thought of her moving her stuff out of the apartment and being in pain makes me feel a pain I’ve never felt before. Can’t even describe it

It's understandable that you feel that way. Ending a relationship is always hard. 

I'm happily married now, but I had a few relationships that ended before that. Each and every one of those breakups felt really painful! I think it's only normal, because you were so close to that person, even if only for a few years. One would have to be a psychopath to feel literally nothing after a breakup, I think. 

You're doing great! Pamper yourself for a bit - do something you enjoy, go out with friends, etc. It's difficult now but it will eventually heal.

[FredEire]

On 1/21/2026 at 5:10 PM, Betty145 said:

Well I did it. Feeling all sorts of emotions right now, everything from regret, relief, sadness, and loneliness. We both cried our eyes out and talked for quite a while. She handled it pretty maturely and honestly better than I expected, we both reflected on the great times we had and how much we both cared for each other. I explained, it’s not fair to her and I can’t continue to be in the relationships if my hearts not fully in it, she deserves someone who is undoubtedly certain about wanting to marry her and start a life together. 

Well done. From everything you described here it was probably the right decision.

Just a word of advice (although you may be well aware already, I wasn't in the past): don't try and make any commitments to "staying friends" etc. It's a tempting olive branch to soften the blow of the split but it really only makes thinks more painful in the end, it's better to just consciously cut the chord completely.

Best of luck with the recovery, be kind to yourself.

[Betty145]

17 hours ago, FredEire said:

Well done. From everything you described here it was probably the right decision.

Just a word of advice (although you may be well aware already, I wasn't in the past): don't try and make any commitments to "staying friends" etc. It's a tempting olive branch to soften the blow of the split but it really only makes thinks more painful in the end, it's better to just consciously cut the chord completely.

Best of luck with the recovery, be kind to yourself.

Thank you. I totally get what you’re saying about not staying friends and I agree, the last thing I wanna do is confuse her. She’s gonna be moving out of the apartment soon and I know we’re gonna have to text/contact each other regarding some logistics. That’s gonna be really hard

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, Betty145 said:

Thank you. I totally get what you’re saying about not staying friends and I agree, the last thing I wanna do is confuse her. She’s gonna be moving out of the apartment soon and I know we’re gonna have to text/contact each other regarding some logistics. That’s gonna be really hard

Yeah, really and truly it is tough, I wouldn't sugar coat it.

But both for you and for her its not a good idea, keep it to logistics and be prepared for her to block you or cut you off completely. Its nothing personal it's just emotional protection.

I've only started talking to my ex recently in a friendly way, and we haven't talked for 6 years since the breakup. It's only possible now because me and I presume her have fully processed everything and any lingering romantic feelings are gone. Until that point its not a good idea. If the thought of texting her or finding out shes with another guy still makes your stomach drop and gives you heart palpitations, dont do it.

[Betty145]

23 hours ago, FredEire said:

Yeah, really and truly it is tough, I wouldn't sugar coat it.

But both for you and for her its not a good idea, keep it to logistics and be prepared for her to block you or cut you off completely. Its nothing personal it's just emotional protection.

I've only started talking to my ex recently in a friendly way, and we haven't talked for 6 years since the breakup. It's only possible now because me and I presume her have fully processed everything and any lingering romantic feelings are gone. Until that point its not a good idea. If the thought of texting her or finding out shes with another guy still makes your stomach drop and gives you heart palpitations, dont do it.

She’s going to text me again once she’s moved out of the apartment. How should I respond to something like that? 

[basil67]

On 1/25/2026 at 1:14 AM, Betty145 said:

She’s going to text me again once she’s moved out of the apartment. How should I respond to something like that? 

"OK, thanks for letting me know"