The Ring

[CJ Wilson]

Hello I am a 25 year old male. I married the love of my life three years ago. She is beautiful and shows me every chance she can, that she is fully engaged in us as a couple. We hold hands, always make time for each other, and she is not uncomfortable to show affection, even in public places. This truly a happy marriage.

After about year of marriage, she had a group of friends, that became our social circle. The was four girls in total. My wife, her cousin, her high school friend and a girl that works with her cousin . Two of them were married and one was engaged. I have met their husbands and we developed a solid friendship. We would go the gym and play basket ball till our legs scream at us. Then grab a beer and head home.

About 18 months ago the girls started a once a month, girls night out. Drinks dancing a lot of laughing. They would all come home about 12:30 in a Uber. Most time giddy from too much to drink and most times carrying some fast food they had picked up on the way home. Two of the girls would stay at out house as they lived further away. I would invite their husbands to breakfast in the morning, when they came to collect their wives. All was good .

Then about a few months back something happened. The girls were out for their monthly night out. I needed some batteries for my TV remote,and was looking around the house. I looked in the end table on my wife's side of the bed, I glanced in and saw her wedding rings in a small cup in the drawer. I thought very little of it, and just thought she forgot them.

That night like cock work they came in a 12:20, with pizza. While eating I noticed something odd. None of these girls were wearing a ring. However after the they used the bathroom in the morning they all had rings back on

This kind of bothered me, till finally I decided to confront it.

I ask my wife if we could have a talk. She looked at me with a look of concern and said sure. I said to her if I ask you a difficult question will you promise me the truth. She confirmed that she would.

I ask her why she does not wear her wedding ring when she goes out to the club.

She had a look of fear in her eyes, when I ask this question. She look right at me a said “you want truth I will give you truth. First she said I have never been ,nor will I ever be unfaithful to you. You are the love of my life, and I am very proud to be your wife”. She continued ,”A few months back her cousin forgot her rings when she went to the club, and by the end of the night she said she had made a observation. She said men paid far more attention to her ,bought her drinks and ask her to dance a lot. The group then decided to try a experiment. We left out rings at home, in doing so we made a deal ,we would always look out for each other, making sure that everyone got home, no one got into trouble, and we established boundaries, that we would not cross, We even made one girl stay at the table to make sure no one messed with our drinks. I guess it was ego boost of some sort. So she finished ,”Have I gone home with anyone, no. Have I slept with anyone no. Have I kissed anyone no. Have I flirted with anyone, well some of what we did might be considered flirtatious, but always done with our boundaries firmly in place. We were asked to go to roof top parties, or to get some food, but we shut this down immediately, We all were very happy with our husbands, and did not want to ruin this.

She finished , “I hope what we did has not crossed a line, because I love you very much. Then she said how's that for honest.

I was not sure how I felt about this. But after thinking about it for a few hours I said “How would you feel if I did the same thing”. She thought about it for a bit and agreed she would not like it.

We are still good, with some new understandings.

The ripple affect of this was intense, with difficult conversations all around. The couple that were engaged, broke it off. He took some time to process things and they are back together.

So the group still go out once a month. They wear their rings and take us along, their Idea. It is a nice night, dancing with my wife and having fun as a group. My wife told me she is glad to have me there as she no longer worries about boundaries. We dance close, and kiss on the dance floor and enjoy each others company.

What I learned is never make your life to busy for a little romance. Keep the fire alive ,,, Did I handle this right ???

[ExpatInItaly]

It doesn't sound like these women are actually ready to be married. They sound young and not that mature, which is normal at their ages, but it conflicts with most people's idea of what being married is about. 

When you need to remind your own spouse not to hide the fact that they are married just so they can get attention, some drinks and flirt - you're with someone who is not truly ready to commit for a lifetime. 

Also, are some of these couples long-distance? You posted this in LDR. 

Edited Sunday at 06:18 AM by ExpatInItaly

[Gebidozo]

I’m not sure that personally being there are making sure your wife “behaves” is going to solve the problem. It’s a bit strange to bring husbands and fiancés on a girls’ night out, the whole point of which is to have the men around. These things are about trust and intentions, not physical control.

Monitoring her actions isn’t going to remove the cause of those actions, which is what I’d be concerned about. For some reason, she needs to role-play a single woman for one night, flirting with men.

Whether it is purely to boost her ego, part of an exciting playing with fire campaign, or manifestation of a subconscious desire to have a romantic experience with another man is sort of irrelevant. In either of those cases, a person who needs that kind of thing is probably not ready to be in a committed monogamous relationship.