What happened ?

[NewfieEd]

I was talking to a girl on Instagram. We lined up a date to go for a drink, we had the first drink, she suggested a second. We talked, laughed, had lots of fun. When we left she said now you have to give me a hug. While she walked away she said “I’ll send you my number”. She went online after it and liked some of my posts and reached out. The next day I just reached out and said well that was fun, maybe we should do it again. She didn’t respond after. She still views everything I post on Instagram but hasn’t reached out. My first thought is a lack of interest. Maybe I’m wrong. But hey it was a first date so can’t expect much from that. 

Edited January 16 by NewfieEd

[Sanch62]

Either she's not into seeing you again, or she's waiting for you to ask her out on a date with a place and time rather than a vague 'sometime' and leaving that up to her to ask you for?

You've got zero to lose by asking, and it will give you your answer either way.

[Herkamer63]

Truth be told, I think she played you. There's people out there that get others on the hook and put them in the friendzone, while displaying fake interest in those they get to pay attention to them. They'll be charming and try to flatter you, but it's theatre.

Years ago, there was a woman who use to be a bartender at one of my favorite bars. She was nice when I was there, we talked quite a bit, I thought she was attractive, and never had any problems with her. At the time, she was working there until she got her nursing degree, and what made it even better was she was about my age. She told me I was easy to talk to, got along good with her, and eventually I got her phone number. However, around the time I did, she told me she was "kind of seeing someone" which, at the time before I wised up to this talk and modern dating, meant they weren't serious. I only texted her once, but no response. Only time I got to talk to her was when she was working, and at times she got flirty. She told me I should go over where she played pool, which I did eventually. When I went, though, other guys were after her and eyes were on me from these men in a non-welcoming way. To some degree, too, I didn't feel the welcome from her either. It was as if the only time she was fine talking to me was when I was at the bar. Even a friend of mine at the time told me after we left the place with the pool tables that she wasn't into me. Some time later, she was engaged to another man and eventually got married.

After the ordeal, I concluded that I was used. I was good enough to give her money and attention, but not good enough for a romantic relationship. I had other women before who did something similar, but this one made me realize how I was seen, an object. The only thing was she probably didn't expect me to actually go over to the place she suggested I should meet up with her because pool isn't really my thing. Something else I learned, though, was how she interacted with other men. When I was at the bar she worked at, she always was touchy feely with me, but at the pool table bar, I never received it. Instead, she did it with other guys. Around the time of that happening, she was leaving the bar she worked at and to this day I wonder if she may had already been done with me, as if I served my purpose. Sad because I thought she'd be different, but turned out to be a manipulator. I still go to the bar where I met her because it's a cool place to have drinks and hang out with friends, but that part of my past will always be there as a reminder of to be careful who I involve myself with.

The point I'm making here is this woman you talked about might just be using you for a purpose that's not involving romance. Like the woman in my story, she is looking to friend zone you and only utilize you whenever the guy she actually wants comes along. Happened to me and many other men, used for our resources and attention. I would definitely move on from this woman. Your time and mental health are both valuable. Don't allow yourself to get led on by someone who isn't responding to you. If she likes you, she will go out of her way to make sure she responds to your texts. Liking and viewing some photos on social media doesn't mean much in the bigger picture. She has to be willing to both talk and see you in person whenever she can.

Honestly, from one guy to another, the woman has to like you more than you like her, assuming you're interested. There's this belief that men have to pursue the women they like, but I will respectfully disagree. Yeah, if you like her you should talk, but she needs to be putting in as much, if not MORE, effort to do the same. They do it with the men they do like all the time and go out of their way to ensure those guys still like them by doing the things these same dudes enjoy. Liking and viewing photos isn't one of them, but actually go out and being seen with them. These same women will respond to their texts quickly, too. Make no mistake, even at work, many of them will have their phones glued to their hips and if it's the men they like they will respond ASAP. To some degree, the idea that answering a text too quickly turns somebody off, it's not entirely true, especially if its someone you like. I've seen instances women I like say they're normally not on their phone much and when I got together with them, they're on it constantly. I've heard the same women say they don't text much nor respond right away to someone else's message, but I hear their phones' text notifications ding, whip them out, read the message, then respond almost immediately. Yeah, they can be a little to busy to answer at times, but it doesn't happen often.

In conclusion, if she responds to your text(s) and she gives an excuse, take it with some salt. Don't get too wrapped up with her. I don't want to see you get a broken heart all because she isn't talking to you much or not at all. Focus on you, and if there is another woman that comes along that you like and she is being far more responsive, forget this other one. Not worth your time. Hope this helps!

[Gebidozo]

On 1/16/2026 at 9:51 PM, NewfieEd said:

The next day I just reached out and said well that was fun, maybe we should do it again. She didn’t respond after.

There is an episode on the TV show “Friends” where one of the characters explains that if you say that exact phrase (“well, that was fun, maybe we should do it again”) it means that you aren’t interested enough. People who are interested actively set up a date. 

If you are interested in that girl, text her again and suggest meeting for coffee or dinner or drinks on a specific day. If she can’t that day, ask when she is free and adjust accordingly. But do set up a date, don’t be vague.

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, Herkamer63 said:

Honestly, from one guy to another, the woman has to like you more than you like her, assuming you're interested.

This is probably the worst advice I’ve ever seen on this forum.

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, Herkamer63 said:

Sad because I thought she'd be different, but turned out to be a manipulator.

Dude, what the hell.

That bartender never said she wanted a serious relationship with you, she never lied or misled you. But now you’re slandering her like this simply because you can’t take a rejection.

If she told you she loved you and married you and took all your money while sleeping with another guy, then yeah, she’d be a manipulator. But did you even have sex? Did she tell you during sex that she wanted to be committed to you? She went out with you on a couple of dates, that’s it. The rest is your imagination.

From one guy to another: stop thinking like an incel.

Edited 4 hours ago by Gebidozo