Wedding, cheating, pregnancy, disaster for my son

[AngryDad]

I need to vent because no-one seems to see things as I do, and then some advice where I’m hoping people will understand where I’m coming from.

Our son is getting married in a couple of months, his fiancee will be 8 months pregnant at the time, and here’s kicker one, with another man’s baby… and if that’s not bad enough, kicker two, it’s one of THREE men and she only knows the name of one. My son has already been ruled out.

She didn’t just cheat, she cheated with 3 men, at once, the same time. It’s disgusting. I cannot even grasp how my son got through this and has forgiven her. He’s definitely not into that, he was devastated at the time.

They did counseling and all that and somehow that’s all in the past now and let’s all forget about it and move on. I can’t do that. I’m going to have a grandchild that’s not even really mine and who doesn’t even know who it’s father is.

My wife, as much as I love her, I think has blocked this out of her memory. She refuses to talk about what happened and her and that woman are all lovey dovey and she’s going to dress fittings and all this other wedding stuff. I know she doesn’t agree with what happened but sweeping it under the carpet is just wrong.

Her parents are clearly just apologists for her and I’d suspect she’s got away with anything she’s wanted all her life. They say it was just a small one off mistake and everyone makes mistakes. Small mistake!!! I’d hate to see a big one.

Seriously, it’s like this woman is a good looking blonde so she’s little miss innocent who just made a mistake. She has everyone conned. I think she’s a deeply flawed narcissist who betrayed my son in the worst possible way. He’s now going to have to raise someone else’s baby and she just flips her hair to the side and giggles and says it’s our baby now, and everyone just goes awwww like she has them under some spell.

It’s like she’s come off scott free, she’s the happy loving bride to be and let’s all celebrate that. She’s done the worst possible cheating anyone could imagine and everyone else just seems to want to put it in the past. Besides whatever she faced in counseling with my son she’s faced no accountability. I suspect this might not even be the only time, just the only time she got caught. No-one cheats for the first and only time in a four way gangbang, you don’t go from zero to that and say “oops, sorry babe, I made a mistake”.

I’d love to talk my son out of marrying her or at the very least postpone the wedding so he has much longer to process this but I realize that wouldn’t end well so I guess I just have to be here to pick up the pieces when it happens again. That’s something I’ll just have to deal with.

It seems I’m being a pariah here when all I want to do is hold her accountable for her lack of morals.

I have no idea how I’m going to get through the wedding. Speeches and everything, welcoming her to the family when I really don’t mean it.

I guess I already know the answer but what do I do here? Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son? I'll happily wear the consequences to save him from this.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son?

Obviously, blowing the thing sky high is not the right solution. With your son being so infatuated with that woman right now, any attempt to forcefully extricate him from his predicament will only alienate him further or worse, compel him to do something even more drastic (for example, running away with her and cutting off all contact with you).

You also can’t possibly “save” your son from this. He is a grown man who has made his own decision. Personally, I agree with you and I understand your outrage. But this is his life, and these are his choices.

It’s unfortunate that your wife isn’t on the same page with you. I’d be quite concerned if my partner weren’t agreeing with me on something as big as that. Perhaps you could talk to her again. Her support will surely mean a lot.

Ultimately, as frustrating as it might be, there is probably not much you could do here.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son?

How do you think you would even do so?  It's not like you can have your son carted off by the police to protect him. You can't put her in jail and throw away the key. So what would be your plan to blow it up, anyway? 

Their marriage likely will not last. It's already a disaster in the making so I wouldn't stress this much. The chances it will survive and thrive long-term are very low even if your son lacks the self-worth to get out. She isn't likely to stick around for a lifetime. 

 

[AngryDad]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Obviously, blowing the thing sky high is not the right solution

 

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So what would be your plan to blow it up, anyway? 

I'm just ranting. I know I have to suck it up and support my son and then be there to pick up the pieces when it blows itself up. But gee it's hard.

I feels like I just have no support and everyone else is just turning a blind eye.

She has everyone conned I'm telling you, I'm not wrong.

She is stunning, she an actress, she's been on TV, she does charity work, so she's on this pedestal.

Then she does what she did and just says "oops, sorry" and everyone goes all ga ga for her and acts like nothing happened.

If I wasn't living it I wouldn't believe it.

As for my wife, she just wants to make sure she doesn't lose our son and what she considers her grandchild. 

I'll do the right thing but I'm dying inside, the thought of how she got pregnant makes me physically ill.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, AngryDad said:

She is stunning, she an actress, she's been on TV, she does charity work

So would your hypothetical plan to blow this up have been to reveal this to the public, or? I get that you're just ranting but I don't really follow how you'd have gone about blowing this out of the water.

Anyway, obviously the only person you can control is yourself. If others want to forgive her to turn a blind eye, well, it's on them. As I said before, I doubt this marriage will wind up lasting a lifetime as she's clearly not committed to your son and will probably bail at some point. I would focus on being supportive to your son in whatever manner he needs, regarless of how that relationship is going. 

[ShyViolet]

15 hours ago, AngryDad said:

 

I guess I already know the answer but what do I do here? Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son? I'll happily wear the consequences to save him from this.

You don't have the right to do this, and it would possibly permanently damage your relationship with your son.  At the end of the day he is an adult and it's his decision.  You can't control his life.  I agree that this marriage sounds crazy.  Does he even know how you feel?  Or have you completely kept it to yourself?

[flitzanu]

my real concern would be finding ways that your son does not find himself legally liable for child support when she inevitably cheats on him and leaves

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Does he even know how you feel?  Or have you completely kept it to yourself?

Good question. He doesn't need to know you want to crucify the woman, which is a useless exercise. But a heart-to-heart with son to discuss the future implications of raising someone else's child, asking whether he's considered all of this, and gently suggesting that it's not too late to reconsider the wedding, and that you'll have his back if he opts out of taking on such a weighty legal obligation to someone who's been disloyal to him.

Beyond that, if son opts to go through with this, then your priority is to preserve your relationship with your son. You would be doing the opposite by vilifying his choice of bride. The people in your family recognize this, and they are behaving in ways that will keep your son close to the family rather than isolating him in his choice, which will not serve him when the day comes that he needs family help and support more than ever.

Decide whether you want to be the person your son turns to during difficulties, or whether you want to burn that bridge by acting out and humiliating him.

[AngryDad]

6 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Does he even know how you feel?  Or have you completely kept it to yourself?

Of course we've spoken. It's got to a stage now where he's said either support me or shut up.  I know I need to do that and of course I will but that doesn't mean it's easy.

[AngryDad]

2 hours ago, flitzanu said:

my real concern would be finding ways that your son does not find himself legally liable for child support

I don't really know the laws around this, we are in Australia, but I know he won't be signing the birth certificate. That is something she has stated.

[AngryDad]

Look, I know I probably have come across as a hard ass but I'm actually quite a reasonable man.

I don't hate her, she's always been wonderful to us and I fully supported their engagement.

I just hate what she has done and how she's seemingly got away with it with pretty much no repercussions.

She has been open and honest and everyone knows what happened and it seems like she's accepting responsibility and so everyone plays along, but I don't buy it.

At some stage, if she had any empathy towards my sons she would have said no. Just once when there was so many opportunities. 

So they spoke about last flings, just pillow talk in bed. Never agreed to do anything, just couples banter. Then she acts on that. Why not confirm it?

Then she joins that tinder group and meets a man.

Now as much as it hurts to say this, I could possibly forgive to this point as there was a miscommunication. I don't believe there actually was a miscommunication, I believe she just used that as an excuse but if it genuinely was a miscommunication then this is the last point in what happened where she could be forgiven.

Tells this man her situation and he wants to take her to a special place as a surprise. NO. Don't get in that car with him. She could have ended up in a ditch somewhere.

He takes he to a swing club. Don't get out of the car. Say no. You may believe you're allowed a last fling but you could not possibly believe this is allowed.

So they go in an she ends up with three guys. They do what they do but don't use condoms. Say NO. Condoms or nothing.

Then the part I find so incredibly gross, they finish where you can get pregnant, all of them. How about you say NO now. At least here you could say NO surely?

I don't think she has any self control.

And then if all that's not bad enough I am just devastated when I think about my son and how he would have found out about her pregnancy.

Hey honey, I missed my period, I'm pregnant.

But wait there's more, you might not be the father.

But wait there's more, it could be any one of three other guys.

But wait there's more, no I didn't cheat three times, it was only once, with all of them together. 

You are a better man than me to forgive that.

I don't believe someone who has never cheated can go from zero to that. To feel comfortable enough to meet another guy, to go with him with no idea where he's taking you, to going into a swing club that you've apparently never been in before, to picking another couple of guys to join you, to doing it in the club with the voyeurs watching, to not bother with condoms, this smacks to me of experience, not a first and only ever time.

If she got drunk and kissed another man at a bar or even if she had sex with that man from the tinder group with a condom I could maybe forgive if I could be convinced it truly was a misunderstanding and she truly was remorseful. I don't believe either of those are true.

Now she's pregnant and there's three potential fathers and she has no way to contact any of them.

[Shehaari]

I sympathise with you, @AngryDad.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for a you as a dad to feel helpless in this situation, when all you want is the best for your son. 

As others before me have said, I don't think there is anything (else) you can do to influence your son's decision. He's accountable for his actions and the consequenses that follow. You have done everything you can do as a parent and voiced your concern-  the rest is up to him unfortunately. 

It would be wise to look into the legal aspect of this for more information. When speaking about the topic with your son, i would highly suggest you start the conversation with explisedly saying it comes from a place of care and concern for his well being in the future (if you've not already taken this approach). 

I think one day he will realise that he should've taken your concern into consideration before making such an important decision. 

Edited Friday at 09:39 PM by Shehaari

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, AngryDad said:

I don't believe someone who has never cheated can go from zero to that. To feel comfortable enough to meet another guy, to go with him with no idea where he's taking you, to going into a swing club that you've apparently never been in before, to picking another couple of guys to join you, to doing it in the club with the voyeurs watching, to not bother with condoms, this smacks to me of experience, not a first and only ever time.

I agree, this sounds completely crazy.

What if it’s not true?

I mean, is there a possibility that this is some sort of an elaborate role-playing episode? That she and your son are making it all up for whatever reason?

Or is it possible that this was done in reality, but with your son’s consent?

A lot of men have fantasies about their girlfriends doing what you described. Could it be that your son initially agreed to that?

You see, it does sound too improbable as a cheating episode, but not that improbable as a consensual realization of a sexual fantasy within a relationship.

I can’t imagine someone cheating like that and that continue being a great partner like nothing happened. If this were an act of cheating, it would mean that there are some incredibly serious problems in their relationship. She wouldn’t be able to just say sorry. Your son wouldn’t be able to get over it.

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Of course we've spoken. It's got to a stage now where he's said either support me or shut up.  

Ok well then, this is your answer.  You have already let him know how you feel about this.  There is nothing else you can do.  You can't control his life or the situation.  You don't have to pretend you're happy about it, but you have to accept that he has to make his own mistakes.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, AngryDad said:

So they spoke about last flings, just pillow talk in bed. Never agreed to do anything, just couples banter.

8 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Then she joins that tinder group and meets a man.

8 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Tells this man her situation and he wants to take her to a special place as a surprise. NO. Don't get in that car with him. She could have ended up in a ditch somewhere.

He takes he to a swing club. Don't get out of the car. Say no. You may believe you're allowed a last fling but you could not possibly believe this is allowed.

So they go in an she ends up with three guys.

How do you even know all these details? 

Did you son tell you all of this? 

[AngryDad]

6 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I mean, is there a possibility that this is some sort of an elaborate role-playing episode? That she and your son are making it all up for whatever reason?

Or is it possible that this was done in reality, but with your son’s consent?

A lot of men have fantasies about their girlfriends doing what you described. Could it be that your son initially agreed to that?

You see, it does sound too improbable as a cheating episode, but not that improbable as a consensual realization of a sexual fantasy within a relationship.

At this stage anything is possible I guess but why would you tell us she cheated, especially the way she cheated, if it was really just a consensual thing gone wrong? That would be like throwing her right under the bus.

It would only be the sickest of minds that would get satisfaction from watching their nearly wife do what she did without protection. I'm not talking about involving other people, but the way this one happened specifically, I just can't see it being the case. Heck, even doing what she did but with protection lowers the disgust value 100 times over, without there's just no scale to put it on. 

[AngryDad]

36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How do you even know all these details? 

Did you son tell you all of this? 

To her credit she owned up to it and they came around and told us. It was the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life, hearing what your soon to be daughter-in-law did, and whilst I appreciate honesty they shared way too much. 

In fact her owning up to it so publicly in itself is just downright bizarre. They could have easily said she cheated and it's not my sons but to let everyone know all the details, why? I really hope it's not that she gets some sort of kick out if it. 

I gained some respect for her that day being so contrite and open but when put alongside what she was actually contrite about I just lost all respect. 

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, AngryDad said:

They could have easily said she cheated and it's not my sons but to let everyone know all the details, why? I really hope it's not that she gets some sort of kick out if it. 

Yeah, well they're certainly both into kicking up drama. NObody needed to know all these details. Apparently, neither of them owns mature discretion. I don't think you need to worry about this lasting very long.

[ExpatInItaly]

11 hours ago, AngryDad said:

I appreciate honesty they shared way too much. 

In fact her owning up to it so publicly in itself is just downright bizarre. They could have easily said she cheated and it's not my sons but to let everyone know all the details, why? I really hope it's not that she gets some sort of kick out if it. 

I would say your son must get some kick out of it  too, if he just sat there and let her tell her his parents all about her sex life.

Both of them made a very weird and inappropriate choice here. 

Edited Saturday at 05:59 PM by ExpatInItaly

[Nowherenear]

On 1/16/2026 at 12:32 AM, AngryDad said:

I guess I already know the answer but what do I do here? Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son? I'll happily wear the consequences to save him from this.

I would not have been able to accept this. I would have told my son I was not coming to his wedding and not accepting her and this child to the family. I'm sorry to be raw but the situation is very extreme and overwhelming to try and sugar coat this. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Els]

On 1/16/2026 at 8:32 AM, AngryDad said:

and if that’s not bad enough, kicker two, it’s one of THREE men and she only knows the name of one. My son has already been ruled out.

There is so much that does not make sense here.

If she doesn't know which of three men is the biological father, then that means that a DNA test hasn't been done. If a DNA test hasn't been done, how can she and your son possibly "rule him out" as the father? Conception timings aren't that precise, and sperm can hang out in the Fallopian tubes for up to 5 days prior to fertilization and implantation. So all in all there's roughly plus or minus a week of guesstimation when it comes to the date when sex leading to conception occurs... which means that your son's fiancee and he would not have had sex at all for 2+ weeks if he is to be "ruled out".

So basically you are wanting us to believe that your son and his fiancee didn't have sex for two weeks, while the fiancee went on an unprotected orgy spree with three men. The happy couple then decided to NOT conduct a DNA test and get married, and they appear to never intend to conduct a DNA test...

Yeah, I mean, this almost sounds like fiction to me. If you truly aren't making this up, then I suspect you're not getting the full story from the people involved.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Els said:

Yeah, I mean, this almost sounds like fiction to me. If you truly aren't making this up, then I suspect you're not getting the full story from the people involved.

I suspect it may be the son himself and not "Dad" posting. 

[Els]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I suspect it may be the son himself and not "Dad" posting. 

Yup, that was my thought as well!