Wedding, cheating, pregnancy, disaster for my son

[AngryDad]

I need to vent because no-one seems to see things as I do, and then some advice where I’m hoping people will understand where I’m coming from.

Our son is getting married in a couple of months, his fiancee will be 8 months pregnant at the time, and here’s kicker one, with another man’s baby… and if that’s not bad enough, kicker two, it’s one of THREE men and she only knows the name of one. My son has already been ruled out.

She didn’t just cheat, she cheated with 3 men, at once, the same time. It’s disgusting. I cannot even grasp how my son got through this and has forgiven her. He’s definitely not into that, he was devastated at the time.

They did counseling and all that and somehow that’s all in the past now and let’s all forget about it and move on. I can’t do that. I’m going to have a grandchild that’s not even really mine and who doesn’t even know who it’s father is.

My wife, as much as I love her, I think has blocked this out of her memory. She refuses to talk about what happened and her and that woman are all lovey dovey and she’s going to dress fittings and all this other wedding stuff. I know she doesn’t agree with what happened but sweeping it under the carpet is just wrong.

Her parents are clearly just apologists for her and I’d suspect she’s got away with anything she’s wanted all her life. They say it was just a small one off mistake and everyone makes mistakes. Small mistake!!! I’d hate to see a big one.

Seriously, it’s like this woman is a good looking blonde so she’s little miss innocent who just made a mistake. She has everyone conned. I think she’s a deeply flawed narcissist who betrayed my son in the worst possible way. He’s now going to have to raise someone else’s baby and she just flips her hair to the side and giggles and says it’s our baby now, and everyone just goes awwww like she has them under some spell.

It’s like she’s come off scott free, she’s the happy loving bride to be and let’s all celebrate that. She’s done the worst possible cheating anyone could imagine and everyone else just seems to want to put it in the past. Besides whatever she faced in counseling with my son she’s faced no accountability. I suspect this might not even be the only time, just the only time she got caught. No-one cheats for the first and only time in a four way gangbang, you don’t go from zero to that and say “oops, sorry babe, I made a mistake”.

I’d love to talk my son out of marrying her or at the very least postpone the wedding so he has much longer to process this but I realize that wouldn’t end well so I guess I just have to be here to pick up the pieces when it happens again. That’s something I’ll just have to deal with.

It seems I’m being a pariah here when all I want to do is hold her accountable for her lack of morals.

I have no idea how I’m going to get through the wedding. Speeches and everything, welcoming her to the family when I really don’t mean it.

I guess I already know the answer but what do I do here? Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son? I'll happily wear the consequences to save him from this.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son?

Obviously, blowing the thing sky high is not the right solution. With your son being so infatuated with that woman right now, any attempt to forcefully extricate him from his predicament will only alienate him further or worse, compel him to do something even more drastic (for example, running away with her and cutting off all contact with you).

You also can’t possibly “save” your son from this. He is a grown man who has made his own decision. Personally, I agree with you and I understand your outrage. But this is his life, and these are his choices.

It’s unfortunate that your wife isn’t on the same page with you. I’d be quite concerned if my partner weren’t agreeing with me on something as big as that. Perhaps you could talk to her again. Her support will surely mean a lot.

Ultimately, as frustrating as it might be, there is probably not much you could do here.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, AngryDad said:

Do I just suck it up or can I blow this thing sky high to save my son?

How do you think you would even do so?  It's not like you can have your son carted off by the police to protect him. You can't put her in jail and throw away the key. So what would be your plan to blow it up, anyway? 

Their marriage likely will not last. It's already a disaster in the making so I wouldn't stress this much. The chances it will survive and thrive long-term are very low even if your son lacks the self-worth to get out. She isn't likely to stick around for a lifetime. 

 

[AngryDad]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Obviously, blowing the thing sky high is not the right solution

 

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So what would be your plan to blow it up, anyway? 

I'm just ranting. I know I have to suck it up and support my son and then be there to pick up the pieces when it blows itself up. But gee it's hard.

I feels like I just have no support and everyone else is just turning a blind eye.

She has everyone conned I'm telling you, I'm not wrong.

She is stunning, she an actress, she's been on TV, she does charity work, so she's on this pedestal.

Then she does what she did and just says "oops, sorry" and everyone goes all ga ga for her and acts like nothing happened.

If I wasn't living it I wouldn't believe it.

As for my wife, she just wants to make sure she doesn't lose our son and what she considers her grandchild. 

I'll do the right thing but I'm dying inside, the thought of how she got pregnant makes me physically ill.