she said she wants to be friends but im not quite sure i believe her right now. am i overthinking things the entire thing just seems weird

[zs0511]

so maybe 5-6 months ago i went on a blind date with a girl. we went out twice and while it was fun and we both had a good time i got hit with the dreaded well i had a good time but i just dont think i feel that romantic connection.... and i was like it sucks to hear but understand thanks for telling me instead of ghosting and best of luck and didnt really think much else of it whatever. about a month after that i randomly texted her with no intent. our 2nd date was a cooking class and i just said something like im putting the skills from class to use. she texted me back saying omg im glad your using them and im so glad you decided we can stay friends. i didnt say that but we texted a couple more times during the day but i just let the conversation die. well around Christmas is where things kind of get idk for me

so after not talking to her since that two weeks before Christmas she reaches out to me saying how did it go with my ex and if i was going to the holiday party (mutual connection was having a holiday party) i wasnt i was going to my neighbors but we agreed to go get lunch before hand. we meet up and she just tells me about dating and how she was going out with someone ect... asked me if i was and when i said i had a thrid date with someone she wished me luck. nothing to special but i was like whatever. im cool being friends but im not going to go out of my way to talk to her or hang out.

since then she seems very invested in telling me about her dating life. she tells me it didnt work out with that guy. oh i have 3 dates planed this week and then just randomnly texts me telling me they didnt work out. how mine went. its always here initiating asking me and letting me know. while not a clear and obvious sign it still makes you raise your eyebrows and question things. well over the last two days she sent me a picture of someone she knew and asked if i wanted her number and we actually got lunch yesterday and she told me she was going on a second date with someone she was excited about. great i have my answer shes not interested in anything more nice. well maybe not

 

a few hours after we went our own ways she sends me text saying she had a good time she goes do you like classical music (i have no opinions on it either way) and then a screenshot of the listing from the ticket site so it was pretty obvious what the next question was. like why are you inviting me? out of all the people you ask to go with you you ask the guy who you have seen twice in the last 5-6 months, the guy who never initiates contact with you. why not ask someone whos a better or closer friend? why not ask they guy you were excited about going on a second date with? like it jsut dosent make sense 2 plus 2 isnt equaling for. 

i really dont know if im overthinking things. while being so over invested on keeping me so updated on your dating life or inviting me out isnt like a eureka moment on its own. multiple questionable things combine say otherwise. like its almost coming off like shes telling me about dates to see how i react or to get a rise/ reaction out of me , and gauging if im available. like is it reasonable to be thinking how i am about the situation? 

 

[Gebidozo]

Generally, there is nothing wrong or suspicious in this level of friendship and communication between a woman and a man for whom she has no romantic feelings.

However, since you did have romantic intentions towards her and she is aware of that, I think that she is either feeling guilty and trying to “compensate” you by being extra friendly, or perhaps keeping you as an option, a backup variant, last resort in case her dating life goes awry.

In either case, I think you should distance yourself from her, since it appears that you’re still harboring some hope. She isn’t interested in you romantically and is either just being nice in an apologetic way or is being manipulative and using you. 

 

Edited January 12 by Gebidozo

[FredEire]

She's not interested. Unless you are genuinely cool being just friends and no longer fancy her dont hang around like a bad smell just to provide her with attention.

[Sony12]

A lot of gals enjoy having a guy that they can just talk with without having complications of a sexual relationship. She is probably just looking for that from you. 

[FredEire]

8 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

A lot of gals enjoy having a guy that they can just talk with without having complications of a sexual relationship. She is probably just looking for that from you. 

Right.

OP if you are just going to be spinning your wheels frustratedly try to "escape the friendzone" with this girl, don't bother and put your energies elsewhere. Only when you genuinely enjoy and accept a friendship is it worth it.

[flitzanu]

there's nothing to overthink here. she told you she wants to be friends, and now you're her galpal.

 

[Sony12]

There really is a very easy solution to these situations. Simply don't be chat buddies with women unless you are physically involved with them.

A lot of the guys these women are sleeping with have that stance.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, zs0511 said:

about a month after that i randomly texted her with no intent.

Really, no intent? Or hoping she'd have had  a change of heart? 

You're seeing now why it was probably not a great idea to re-establish contact. She doesn't have a romantic interest but enjoys having you as a her guy friend. You gave her the signals you'd be okay with that but it seems it's not actually sitting well with you. That's understandable, but you're going to need to distance yourself from her if you don't want a front-row seat to her adventures as a single woman out dating men who aren't you. 

 

[Els]

It's normal for friends to talk about these things. She's talking to you exactly like how she'd talk to a friend.

If you agreed to be friends, this is what you signed up for. If you don't like it, then tell her this isn't working for you and lose her number.

[Sanch62]

On 1/11/2026 at 8:51 PM, zs0511 said:

i randomly texted her with no intent.

Okay, and if you believe that, why are you trying to read intent into her equally random blatherings?

If you skip the double standard on randomness, you won't resent her for the same lack of intent you claimed for yourself. 

On 1/11/2026 at 8:51 PM, zs0511 said:

im cool being friends

It doesn't sound that way. You have an agenda, and if she's not interested in meeting it, then you resent her for treating you like a friend.

So don't be friends. It's that simple.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Sanch62 said:

Okay, and if you believe that, why are you trying to read intent into her equally random blatherings?

If you skip the double standard on randomness, you won't resent her for the same lack of intent you claimed for yourself. 

It doesn't sound that way. You have an agenda, and if she's not interested in meeting it, then you resent her for treating you like a friend.

So don't be friends. It's that simple.

I dont know why guys insist on engaging in the "friendzone".

It must be this male conquest narrative that there is some magical way to win her over.

A friendship should be mutually beneficial and enjoyable. There is no point in one person spending it in agony that the other isn't falling for them, when just disengaging and finding someone who is romantically interested is so much more straightforward and worthwhile.

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, FredEire said:

It must be this male conquest narrative that there is some magical way to win her over.

I agree. The narrative is “This prey is too large and too strong for me, I can’t fight it one on one in a fair, noble battle, so I’ll resort to dishonorable tricks to capture it”.

It’s really about viewing the woman as an object that you can “obtain” in various ways. Which means that “friendzone mentality” fundamentally disrespects the woman’s will, disregards the fact there is no consent on her side.

Basically, the woman says “no”, but the man says, “that’s not a real no, she actually does like me, she just needs time, she needs to see what a nice guy I am, let’s just try another, longer, sneakier way into her pants and her heart”.

[FredEire]

44 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I agree. The narrative is “This prey is too large and too strong for me, I can’t fight it one on one in a fair, noble battle, so I’ll resort to dishonorable tricks to capture it”.

It’s really about viewing the woman as an object that you can “obtain” in various ways. Which means that “friendzone mentality” fundamentally disrespects the woman’s will, disregards the fact there is no consent on her side.

Basically, the woman says “no”, but the man says, “that’s not a real no, she actually does like me, she just needs time, she needs to see what a nice guy I am, let’s just try another, longer, sneakier way into her pants and her heart”.

It's not so much that for me. I do despise guys who hang around women with boyfriends like a bad smell though. I remember my ex introduced me to one of her "best friends" and he was very nice to my face although you could tell there was a bitter undertone. A few weeks later she told me he had confessed his love to her and asked her to leave me for him haha.

When both parties are single I feel like its usually just a case of low self-esteem. I don't think a guy who values his own time is becoming BFFs with a girl whos not romantically interested in the hopes she'll do a 180 and realise how wonderful he is. Ironically it's this quality in itself that's probably a large part of why she doesn't see him as boyfriend material, and with good reason. Usually these guys are incredibly clingy suffocating boyfriends given how much they've put her on a pedestal, she can basically do no wrong in their eyes but there will always be the fear of her leaving since she wasn't that interested at first.

OP, it comes down to treating yourself well at the end of the day. Walking away for the sake of your own peace is being nice to yourself, hanging around and becoming a "pick me" orbiter is not and will only bring stress and disappointment.

Edited January 14 by FredEire

[Lotsgoingon]

She's not interested and she told you that right away.

If someone changes their mind--which almost NEVER happens in a short period of time --they will go out of their way to make their changed feelings 100 percent obvious to the point where being drunk and intoxicated and sleep deprived will not prevent you from getting the message.

Just because she's polite to you and is kind and warm doesn't mean she wants romance. Move on. 

[smackie9]

You need to get yourself out of this situation. She just using you because she knows you are an easy score for attention.