GF has lost the plot. Where to from here?

[AussieGuyMate]

54 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Only if the partner really accepts your support and is really willing to change.

When your partner abuses you without the slightest regret, how can you possibly help? You can’t. You can only walk away.

100%

That's what I need to work out. 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, AussieGuyMate said:

The incident can be a big deal but that single incident alone does not make for an abusive relationship

That wasn't my quesiton nor why I posed the scenario to you. 

Anyway, hopefully someday you raise your standards. You're too deep in denial right now. 

[ShyViolet]

14 hours ago, AussieGuyMate said:

I legit don't get this sentiment. When you're in a committed relationship it sure is your job to help and support your partner when needed. 

Of course when you're in a relationship you should be supportive of your partner.  That's not what I was talking about.

When someone has a behavioral problem, the drive to work on it and fix it has to come from that person themselves.  If you think you can "fix" your partner's issues you are seriously kidding yourself.  You only have control of your own behavior, not someone else's.

[Lotsgoingon]

One single day over a 5 year period does not make for an abusive relationship. 

There is NO WAY that this is the first time she has attacked you out of immature and petty jealousy. No way. You're either blocking out the previous incidents and or ignoring a bunch of nasty and petty stuff she has done. 

If this is a one time thing, she should have no problem, no hesitancy, in loudly and contritely admitting her mistake and apologizing with great humility. With no defensiveness. Doesn't sound like her, does it?

There is one other possible motive to this insanity on her part.  Which is that she could have deliberately attacked you because she wants to break up with you---she just doesn't have the guts to tell you directly. There are people who instead of directly breaking up they act out to destroy the relationship. They might do this when they cheat on their partner. 

 

[Els]

Has she really never behaved like this before? Being on her best behavior is a thing, but people don't usually wait 5 years to show you their true colors.

If this genuinely has NEVER happened before, and then it was like a switch was flipped, it sounds more like a medical issue, honestly. Is it possible that she could be pregnant? If she has mental health issues that were previously under control, sometimes the flood of hormones can trigger pre-existing conditions. There are also extremely rare conditions like brain tumors that can completely alter a person's personality. This is something that a quick trip to the doctor could check for.

If she's unwilling to even go to the doctor, I'd just leave. 

If you look back at her history with you and you find small indicators of this having happened before, I would also just leave.

Edited Saturday at 06:27 PM by Els

[FredEire]

17 minutes ago, Els said:

Has she really never behaved like this before? Being on her best behavior is a thing, but people don't usually wait 5 years to show you their true colors.

If this genuinely has NEVER happened before, and then it was like a switch was flipped, it sounds more like a medical issue, honestly. Is it possible that she could be pregnant? If she has mental health issues that were previously under control, sometimes the flood of hormones can trigger pre-existing conditions. There are also extremely rare conditions like brain tumors that can completely alter a person's personality. This is something that a quick trip to the doctor could check for.

If she's unwilling to even go to the doctor, I'd just leave. 

If you look back at her history with you and you find small indicators of this having happened before, I would also just leave.

I still think the most likely explanation for all this comes from the bit in OP when he mentioned that things were getting more serious and he was thinking of buying a ring.

I think its pretty common for people to coast for years in a relationship they're not truly comfortable with, and then when it comes to a big fork in the road like getting married or deciding to have kids, sometimes they don't have the emotional capacity or self-awareness to express their feelings like an adult.

So the solution becomes go absolutely off your rocker and blow the whole thing up. That way they can justify the fallout by their partner's perceived bad behaviour and it's a bit more of a "comfortable" escape with less soul-searchings and emotionally vulnerable conversations.

[Els]

Just now, FredEire said:

I still think the most likely explanation for all this comes from the bit in OP when he mentioned that things were getting more serious and he was thinking of buying a ring.

I think its pretty common for people to coast for years in a relationship they're not truly comfortable with, and then when it comes to a big fork in the road like getting married or deciding to have kids, sometimes they don't have the emotional capacity or self-awareness to express their feelings like an adult.

So the solution becomes go absolutely off your rocker and blow the whole thing up. That way they can justify the fallout by their partner's perceived bad behaviour and it's a bit more of a "comfortable" escape with less soul-searchings and emotionally vulnerable conversations.

This is possible too, of course. But it was mentioned before, so there wasn't any point in me repeating it... and with a 5-year relationship I think it makes sense to consider all possibilities. 

[AussieGuyMate]

I'm just going to close this off. We have split up.

We spoke on the weekend and it didn't go well, she doubled down on the accusations I was cheating. I told her I was really offended and we're done. She said let's try to save it but it was lame and it really sounded like she was just placating me. I told her I was going to a mates place and I'll sleep in the guest room when I get back and we'll have to work out all the financials at another time. 

I didn't really have anywhere to go, I just had to get out, so I was just driving around and then I see her car out the front of a house. I had to know who so I waited in the carpark across the road and she came out about two hours later with a guy and they are obviously together, he kissed her as she got into the car. I really wish I took a photo but I didn't even think.

So at least now I know why and I know I dodged a bullet. 

Thanks everyone for giving me someone to vent to and bounce thoughts off.

I'll probably be back again as I navigate the dating scene for the first time in a long time. I'm not looking forward to it.

[FredEire]

9 hours ago, AussieGuyMate said:

I'm just going to close this off. We have split up.

We spoke on the weekend and it didn't go well, she doubled down on the accusations I was cheating. I told her I was really offended and we're done. She said let's try to save it but it was lame and it really sounded like she was just placating me. I told her I was going to a mates place and I'll sleep in the guest room when I get back and we'll have to work out all the financials at another time. 

I didn't really have anywhere to go, I just had to get out, so I was just driving around and then I see her car out the front of a house. I had to know who so I waited in the carpark across the road and she came out about two hours later with a guy and they are obviously together, he kissed her as she got into the car. I really wish I took a photo but I didn't even think.

So at least now I know why and I know I dodged a bullet. 

Thanks everyone for giving me someone to vent to and bounce thoughts off.

I'll probably be back again as I navigate the dating scene for the first time in a long time. I'm not looking forward to it.

Sorry to hear that mate.

A strange twist of fate that you discovered what was going on in the end. Its will certainly sting but at least it gives you some closure and you can move on with no regrets.