AnnieBear Posted January 8 Posted January 8 My husband told all our friends about our sex life. I’m mortified. I’m 29 years old. I’ve been with my husband 29 years, or at least that’s what it feels like. We grew up a few houses from each other, our parents are best friends, we were just always together. So we did officially get together at 15 but then things soured a bit and we split for a year between 21 and 22 years old. We’ve been together ever since. Surprisingly during that time neither of us saw anyone else. When we were talking about getting back together we raised the fact neither of us had seen anyone else during our lives as an issue and thought the lack of knowledge of other relationships was detrimental. Instead of saying “If you love someone set them free…” we decided to explore together in an open relationship. That was all good until recently and now the whole world knows. Now surprisingly it worked. It was everything I could have wanted. We realized what worked for us and what didn’t so we very quickly got into and then out of the swinging scene, we explored threesomes but it just didn’t seem right. We ended up realizing we just wanted other like-minded couples. We are pretty much out of the scene now bar two wonderful couples we see on a semi-regular basis, they are just friends, sometimes stuff happens, sometimes it does not but we never meet just for sex. It’s what works for us. I’m not ashamed but I would never want to make it public knowledge. So picture this, a party with close family and friends, a drunk husband, lost inhibitions, a loud mouth, and a very detailed recounting of our sex life. A girlfriend ran inside to tell me but by the time I got out there it was too late, he’d been going on for like 15 minutes so I’ve been told. I was so embarrassed. I was mortified when mom came up and slapped me and chastised me for f**king around. She didn’t raise a sl*t she said to me in front of everyone, my mom never gets violent and never uses those words. I just wanted a hole to open up so I could curl up and die. Mom and I have smoothed things over but I don’t think we’ll ever be the same. It’s basically I hate what you’re doing but if it works for you then I’ll turn a blind eye. My husband has apologized repeatedly and booked himself into a course for binge drinking. He actually doesn’t drink all that often but when he does he makes up for it. He admits total fault and says he will do anything to make it up to me. But how do you put spilled milk back in the bottle? I don’t know where we’re at. He’s a hero to his mates, he’s a swinger, he has sex with other women but as the woman I’m looked at totally opposite. I lost one of my dear friends because she said she could never trust me around her husband. I didn’t even get a chance to explain that something like that would never happen. He created the problem and now he's a legend, meanwhile I'm being judged everywhere I look. I’m not so much angry as I am disappointed in him, but I do, truly, still love him. I’m just not sure love is enough to overcome in this case. I think of life without him and it’s not what I want but the life we had is forever changed. Even if we can find peace with each other literally every person in our extended group of friends know, and that includes workmates as well. If we go out for dinner with friends there are people looking to see if that's the couple we'll swing with tonight even though these have been friends for 10 years and everyone knows it. One of their friends even came up to them and said I didn't know you were swingers. That now puts pressure on our relationship with them. It just feels like there’s no relief from the judgment even though people have probably already moved on. I thought about us making a fresh start somewhere but would running away really solve the problem?
Gebidozo Posted January 8 Posted January 8 If I were you, I’d definitely break off all contact with family members that are capable of physically assaulting me and with hypocritical, judgmental “friends”. Once you’re free from their nonsense you can start calmly thinking about how to handle your husband’s indiscretion. If he is truly sorry and willing to cut off contact with idiots who think he’s a hero for being a swinger while you’re a slut, maybe you could forgive him. Sometimes good things can come from bad things. Think of it this way - thanks to your husband’s inappropriate behavior you now know what kind of people your mother and your “friends” are. You’ll be able to find real friends who won’t judge you and abandon you because they don’t like your sexual lifestyle.
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