Are my standards a problem?

[JimGje77]

37 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yep. That's the challenge.

You learn as life goes on, experience is the big advantage of age.

 

Is it really a challenge? Or do I just have to claim my workers' rights?

[FredEire]

8 minutes ago, JimGje77 said:

 

Is it really a challenge? Or do I just have to claim my workers' rights?

The challenge of employment is to work to live not live to work.

The dream of a lot of people is to spend their days on a beach somewhere and passively make a lot of income, which is rare but possible. Other people might get bored living like this and crave a 9-5.

A good middle ground is to find something you love doing, that stimulates you and has you always learning and doing something new.

Then again some people hate not knowing exactly what they're going to do every day and literally do not care what they're doing as long as it makes them money.

Like relationships the answer again is fluid, not so rigid. It very much depends on you and what you want personally.

Edited Thursday at 01:11 PM by FredEire

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, JimGje77 said:

thats not true we are exchanging opinions here, your advice is honest, but I've just seen so many 40 year old people who gave up dating even in my family, this scenario scares me, I feel like when you grow old is much more difficult to meet new people, not only lovers but even freinds

Well, all I can tell you is that I personally know many people who are dating at the age of 40 and much beyond.

One guy I know got married when he was 60.

Another one is still dating and looking for “the one”, and he is 65.

I knew this lady who got remarried at the age of 75. 

I got into the best relationship of my life at the age of 47.

[JimGje77]

36 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Well, all I can tell you is that I personally know many people who are dating at the age of 40 and much beyond.

One guy I know got married when he was 60.

Another one is still dating and looking for “the one”, and he is 65.

I knew this lady who got remarried at the age of 75. 

I got into the best relationship of my life at the age of 47.

your comment makes me feel like I'm still extremely young

[Gebidozo]

10 minutes ago, JimGje77 said:

your comment makes me feel like I'm still extremely young

That’s because you are

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, JimGje77 said:

your comment makes me feel like I'm still extremely young

Yes, I know many people feel it your age but you're not even remotely "old". The sooner you realise how early you are in life, how much potential you have to develop and become what you want to become, the more you'll enjoy life.

They say youth is wasted on the young and that's because for some reason your teens and early 20s are the time most people spend fretting over absolute bs. When reality hits and you start to get more and more practical problems stacking up in your life, the more you realise there is absolutely no point sweating things that really dont matter and just enjoy the present moment.

The earlier you realise, the freer you will be to just enjoy your youth.

[JimGje77]

2 hours ago, FredEire said:

Yes, I know many people feel it your age but you're not even remotely "old". The sooner you realise how early you are in life, how much potential you have to develop and become what you want to become, the more you'll enjoy life.

They say youth is wasted on the young and that's because for some reason your teens and early 20s are the time most people spend fretting over absolute bs. When reality hits and you start to get more and more practical problems stacking up in your life, the more you realise there is absolutely no point sweating things that really dont matter and just enjoy the present moment.

The earlier you realise, the freer you will be to just enjoy your youth.

You’re absolutely right in what you’re saying, and I agree that we shouldn’t get hung up on things that don’t really matter, especially at this age.
For me though, there’s also a balance to it: enjoying the moment doesn’t necessarily mean living recklessly as if there’s no tomorrow.

Life is short, yes, but to truly enjoy it and build something meaningful for the future, you need a bit of thought, care and measured decisions.
So yes to living in the present  just with one eye on what comes next.

[FredEire]

24 minutes ago, JimGje77 said:

You’re absolutely right in what you’re saying, and I agree that we shouldn’t get hung up on things that don’t really matter, especially at this age.
For me though, there’s also a balance to it: enjoying the moment doesn’t necessarily mean living recklessly as if there’s no tomorrow.

Life is short, yes, but to truly enjoy it and build something meaningful for the future, you need a bit of thought, care and measured decisions.
So yes to living in the present  just with one eye on what comes next.

Yep I agree.

I think you just have to keep in mind that you can't really plan for life and have any guarantee of things going exactly how you'd like.

You could be a millionaire with a wondeful wife and a successful company, and within a week your wife could leave you and the business could go bust.

All you can really do is your best at any given moment and roll with life's punches, and don't stay in something thst makes you miserable because youre afraid of letting go. I've learned that its not particularly useful to try and solve or explain every setback in your life because quite often you can't have an answer and even if you knew it wouldn't be any help.

[basil67]

11 hours ago, JimGje77 said:

this is complicated, for example if a woman I like is from middle class, then she ticks 2 checkboxes already, I think like those things are 100% or 0%

These things exist on a scale.   Say a woman is motivated, did well at school, works part time while going to university on a scholarship to study for a profession....but also comes from a lower class background?   Are you really going to pass on her because her parents are poor?

Edit to add: how would you know she comes from a lower class without asking?   

 

Edited Thursday at 11:10 PM by basil67

[Els]

You are 21 and you won't date anyone "a day older"?

I mean, that sounds pretty immature to me, but if that's what you need, then eh, sure. You're obviously going to be restricting yourself significantly, because you can pretty much only date people who are 18-20yo (and that's not even considering your other requirements...). Also most women who hear about this "requirement" are going to ditch you even if they fulfill it, so you'll have that to contend with as well. 

At the end of the day, you have the right to set any "requirements" that you want. Heck you can require the women you date to have names that only start with "A" and have 3 syllables, if you choose to do so! But your choices will have consequences, and those consequences will include taking a much longer time to find your first relationship, possibly never. 

Also, lots of people go into relationships expecting them to be the "one", but 99% of people's first relationships will crash and burn. Relationships are kinda like learning to ride a bike - you can theorize about it as much as you like, but actually DOING it for the first time in real life will teach you more than any theory you could possibly come up with.

Edited Saturday at 06:44 PM by Els

[JimGje77]

On 1/10/2026 at 8:38 PM, Els said:

You are 21 and you won't date anyone "a day older"?

I mean, that sounds pretty immature to me, but if that's what you need, then eh, sure. You're obviously going to be restricting yourself significantly, because you can pretty much only date people who are 18-20yo (and that's not even considering your other requirements...). Also most women who hear about this "requirement" are going to ditch you even if they fulfill it, so you'll have that to contend with as well. 

At the end of the day, you have the right to set any "requirements" that you want. Heck you can require the women you date to have names that only start with "A" and have 3 syllables, if you choose to do so! But your choices will have consequences, and those consequences will include taking a much longer time to find your first relationship, possibly never. 

Also, lots of people go into relationships expecting them to be the "one", but 99% of people's first relationships will crash and burn. Relationships are kinda like learning to ride a bike - you can theorize about it as much as you like, but actually DOING it for the first time in real life will teach you more than any theory you could possibly come up with.

do you believe that my requirements are so hard to find that I will possibly stay alone forever? better stay alone longer and find something thats really worth it than lowering my standards and going to a relationship with a girl that isnt worth it just for the experience of being in a relationship, which other requirements do you find that are restricting me that much?  I'm a Christian so I pray to God to find the "one" after my dissapointing first relationship of 1 month, a girl that will check all the boxes my ex did plus being more stable about what she wants, until that day I will be a better person overall , I'll have signifisant glowup both in character and appearance, because to choose the 10/10 girl you have to be 10/10 yourself, my ex showed me my potential, now I'll go for something even better

Edited 22 hours ago by JimGje77

[JimGje77]

On 1/9/2026 at 1:09 AM, basil67 said:

These things exist on a scale.   Say a woman is motivated, did well at school, works part time while going to university on a scholarship to study for a profession....but also comes from a lower class background?   Are you really going to pass on her because her parents are poor?

Edit to add: how would you know she comes from a lower class without asking?   

 

I'll ask her, if she is rich I reject and move on

[Sanch62]

On 1/7/2026 at 1:57 PM, JimGje77 said:

I know that the age thing is a bit rigid but thats just how my brain works, I feel comfortable only with younger girls, I cant do anything about it

I would switch the word "can't" with "won't" for accuracy. I hope you will quickly be blessed with a mad head-over-heels-in-love crush on a woman who is a few months to a few years older than you, so you can enjoy for yourself the liberation of learning the important life skill of agility.

Edited 21 hours ago by Sanch62

[JimGje77]

5 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

I would switch the word "can't" with "won't" for accuracy. I hope you will quickly be blessed with a mad head-over-heels-in-love crush on a woman who is a few months to a few years older than you, so you can enjoy for yourself the liberation of learning the important life skill of agility.

this is a curse not a blessing

[Sanch62]

Just now, JimGje77 said:

this is a curse not a blessing

You'll find that they can be one in the same.

EnjOy!

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, JimGje77 said:

I'll ask her, if she is rich I reject and move on

… possibly depriving yourself of a great relationship.

Sure, it’s your choice. But please don’t fool yourself thinking that refusing to date a woman just because she is rich is some sort of a high standard testifying of your lofty moral principles. On the contrary, this is as superficial as a woman refusing to date a man just because he is poor.

Standards should apply to the core qualities of the person you intend to date, not to their outer traits. For example, if you say you won’t date a person whose main goal in life is to get rich, then that would be a reasonable standard. But such a person could come from any social circle and possess any amount of wealth at any given time. Conversely, a rich person could very well have spiritual ideals that correspond to yours.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, JimGje77 said:

this is a curse not a blessing

Falling in love is a blessing. Especially when it forces you to re-evaluate some of your preconceptions, helping you evolve. That’s a really wonderful, liberating feeling.

I recently fell in love with a woman who didn’t “fit” some of my former concepts of what a great partner should be like and how a relationship should look like. In fact, at some point I found myself facing a dilemma - do I want a relationship tailored according to my rigid preferences, or do I want a relationship with her, even when some aspects of it seemed wrong to me at the time?

That’s always a tough problem, but solving it, one way or another, really helps you understand yourself better, realize what you truly want, what truly matters to you. And that can’t be really just decided in advance and fixed in stone, it’s something that keeps changing and gradually takes shape as you experience various feelings and relationships steering you towards a goal you’re yet unable to see.

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Gebidozo

[JimGje77]

8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

… possibly depriving yourself of a great relationship.

Sure, it’s your choice. But please don’t fool yourself thinking that refusing to date a woman just because she is rich is some sort of a high standard testifying of your lofty moral principles. On the contrary, this is as superficial as a woman refusing to date a man just because he is poor.

Standards should apply to the core qualities of the person you intend to date, not to their outer traits. For example, if you say you won’t date a person whose main goal in life is to get rich, then that would be a reasonable standard. But such a person could come from any social circle and possess any amount of wealth at any given time. Conversely, a rich person could very well have spiritual ideals that correspond to yours.

superficial? its a different lifestyle, even poor people nowadays dont have spiritual ideas, richer ones have so different way of thinking and expriences, we have nothing in common with them, she has grown up living on easy mode in everything, brand new cars yachts big houses unlimited choices, I'm sorry I don't belong there. Its a major incompatibility, core qualities are very dependend to the social background, its also the male egoism and of course the comparison with my ex. Its a lot of things that schemed this belief 

[JimGje77]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Falling in love is a blessing. Especially when it forces you to re-evaluate some of your preconceptions, helping you evolve. That’s a really wonderful, liberating feeling.

I recently fell in love with a woman who didn’t “fit” some of my former concepts of what a great partner should be like and how a relationship should look like. In fact, at some point I found myself facing a dilemma - do I want a relationship tailored according to my rigid preferences, or do I want a relationship with her, even when some aspects of it seemed wrong to me at the time?

That’s always a tough problem, but solving it, one way or another, really helps you understand yourself better, realize what you truly want, what truly matters to you. And that can’t be really just decided in advance and fixed in stone, it’s something that keeps changing and gradually takes shape as you experience various feelings and relationships steering you towards a goal you’re yet unable to see.

 

to fall in love requires that you know your partner for some time, its a process that comes gradually. For me its simple, you can't fall in love with someone who's "worse" than your ex, you're looking for something equal in every sector, what are your own rigid preferences? and what didnt your wife fullfil? I cant believe you didnt know what you wanted at the age of 47. Everything matters, even if my first relationship was that short , I understood myself completely and saw exactly all the things that matter to me. I dont want to enter to the new age trend of trying different partners , it scares me, its not for me, I cant deal with another break up, I prefer to wait and find the one that fits the standards of ideal partner, this is what church says anyways 

Edited 8 hours ago by JimGje77