Me ex lived a double life, I’ve seen everything on his phone and what he did and total denial. Long story.

[Jennifer53]

Hi my name is Jennifer and I was married exactly 25 yrs. Always trusted him. I don’t know where to start. He started acting weird with his phone after we had been married 18 yrs. So I decided I would investigate and I found out a lot. To make this shorter he worked out of town a lot and I found that’s when he started cheating on me. He was going on hookup sites. I saw his Google everything. Like g. maps, g. meet, g. chat, his g. calendar, his emails. I went online and found he was on over a dozen social media apps. He has WhatsApp, g. Groups. , discord, And calendar has a booking page. I confronted him with this and he denied everything. This continued another 4 years. He kept saying he had to have been hacked. Someone is hacking you for a decade? Who would do that and who has the time to do that? And why? Never believed that story I said I’m not dumb and I know hookup sites are. I mean he could go to the store and take to long but be hooking up with someone really fast. The booking page are for 15 min intervals. When out of town I followed him his whole day on maps by looking at his phone.  I saw what he googled. Looking for women near him. He didn’t call them women though. That’s the name he used to google. Anyways the day would go by he would work and call me saying I love you and I miss you. More than one time that phone was shut off all night. and you would see him leave his nice hotel and go to skeezy hotels for about 45 mins. He works with other guys so he prob didn’t want them to see someone going To his room. This became so bad that towards the end we were having money problems. Money missing. And I know a lot of these girls u pay. Another time he worked nights and would say I’m working a couple hours longer so instead of getting home at 6 am it was 8 am. There were no extra hours on the paycheck. He started blocking me every night and turned off the family 360. Saying there was no reception here where he works. Ive seen dirty text messages with an ex gf two separate occasions. He has looked up all his ex gfs. I also noticed he was calling a # over and over again while out of town so I called it and it turned to be the receptionist at his hotel. She tells me he was hitting on her. He said he wasn’t married and kept inviting me to get naked in his bed. I’ve also heard around town that hes asked women that I knew if they wanted to hook up sometime. He always had #s of women we knew in town. I was always like I don’t ask men around town for their numbers. You don’t act married. We would go out and he would ignore me. He left a party once with a girl to get her cigs. And it took awhile. Now as a married woman I know that is not something u do when u are married. He would flirt in front of me. So many things. So I got to the point and said of you don’t take your phone to apple and find out what’s going on. (Cuz this whole time I kept saying fix it then) I said go to Apple right now or our marriage over. That day he walked out and never looked back. We have two kids. Older. Our youngest is in HS. He hasn’t been around to witness any of His  hs days. He worked nights his freshman year. So he would come home onto sleep wake up and go to work. Then he left. Sophomore year over and now junior year half way over. Didn’t come to one baseball HS game. He’s missed everything . His daughter with her career. He didn’t call her on her 21 st. He lives at his parents house. I could ride my bike there. He has seen his son approx 5 times with maybe 2 quality times together . And now it’s been over a year since he’s seen them. I just turned 53 and he’s turning 54 in a week. and he’s dating a girl that just turned 28 and she has a 9 year old son. He moved in with her maybe10 mins away and her son too. She kicked him out eventually so he’s back at his moms. She’s only 5 years older than my daughter same age as our nieces. I don’t think he’s with her anymore.. He’s denied everything and says I’m crazy. Your making this up. Now if this happened to me I would of walked into apple and said I’ve been hacked and this is destroying my marriage. Not once did he get mad at the so called hacker. We have been separated since 01/26/2024. I didn’t file until 08-12-2024. And he says whatttt you filed? Oh you think it’s going to be easy without me? I’ll show you. I’m going to make you regret that decision and make your life miserable. Here’s the thing I’m a stay at home mom and then at 44 I was in kidney failure, born with Alport syndrome.my sister had hers 12 years ago. And no my 28 yr old nephew is set for one more week. At 6%.  I feel so bad. I have one oleeer from previous so I have 3 none of them got it. So I lasted all the way to 8% and received a kidney in 2021. But has never worked to its potential and I am almost at stage 5 again. This time will prob need dialysis.its a long wait here 5-7 yr wait.  I also have a blood disease. Too many RBC’s accumulate making my blood thick. They found a clot when they went in for transplant and said it would of hit my brain soon gone in a second.and how lucky was I that I had had that transplant then. My husband cried like a baby I could of died. Maybe that’s why he was crying cuz I didn’t lol no it was sincere. Everything changed after my kidney started failing.  My grandfather and his mother both died of it. No cure just have to get phlebotomies. So my point is I had no source of $ coming in. I waited 8 months until I said I need the courts to help me. Right after I told him I filed he silenced me. Blocked me from everything. Still two years later it’s like that. Our divorce should be final soon. Hes done so many horrible things to me and his children while he’s been gone. I got to see his bank accounts for that year. He was already on dating sites one month after he left. He made $150k I added things up. The only bills he had was a car payment, insurance and cell phone. He spent $9,000 restaurants, food, take out. Bars, $2500, jewelry thousands, perfume store $2,300 and so on and so on. I’m so hurt I’m so depressed. While he was living it up we were starving. Why was I faithful for 25 years? I feel like what was all this for? I would say our first 13 years were fantastic. It’s when I got sick and I was so tired he got bored and wandered but still had sex with me.and he absolutely became addicted to the internet, chat sites, porn, and meeting up. He has an addictive personality. There’s so much more but I’ll end it here. I have so much anger and resentment towards him. . He went out of town leaving me with two kids that were young, 3 dogs, the house, the lawn. Everything was well taken care of. Driving my kids to there after school sports. Games by myself. And he’s off doing that? Me and the kids would miss him so much we would make posters because he would be gone 3 weeks out of the month. I am 53 years old now. I’m sick. And he’s just moved on.  He’s never called once upset or that he was having a bad day. Or missing the kids. This has been all about him. I honestly think he’s just trying to start a whole new life. I can’t get over the fact that he ignores me. He gave every indication he wasn’t coming back and after I saw what he spent last year are u kidding. He’s just trying to blame everything on me. But everything has eaten me up inside. I feel I won’t find another love in this life time. I think I just wanted to tell my story most of all. He’s even threatened to leave the state so he doesn’t have to pay alimony. Like disappear. They will find him. Not worried about that but I have it saved in a text. Thanks for listening anyone that has advice would love to hear it. Thank you!! Jennifer 

[ExpatInItaly]

Just a tip.- you will get more responses if your break up that wall of text into reader-friendly paragraphs. 

[Sanch62]

I'm sorry you've gone through this. Would you like to discuss ways to heal and move forward? What steps have you taken in that direction?