How can a short and/or unattractive man survive the dating game?

[Frank Lucas]

It may be no mystery that many women seem to have height requirements when it comes to the men that they date, so I may have preferences when it comes to how a man looks as well. So if I am a man who isn't tall and, when it comes to overall attractiveness, it's up for debate (perhaps average?), a lot of people say that dating apps aren't good for such men because it causes people to be immediately judged by superficial metrics.

 

However, I'm not really a fan of approaching women in real life either because a lot of women don't want men talking to them, at least if they don't know them and/or don't immediately find those men attractive, and I don't even get out that much anyway, especially when it's cold. Where I work there aren't that many dating prospects so, for men who just work and go home and who might not be successful on dating apps due to the superficiality of them, what are they supposed to do?

[Sanch62]

On 1/3/2026 at 7:49 AM, Frank Lucas said:

Where I work there aren't that many dating prospects so, for men who just work and go home and who might not be successful on dating apps due to the superficiality of them, what are they supposed to do?

Consider building a social life, even a small one. Research meetup.com groups near you to explore some interests and bond with like-minded people over a cause, a hobby, community investment, singles events, or whatever might snowball into a passion for you.

Reclusive behavior will only have you living inside your own head. Social connections build healthy bonds that feel worthwhile and are foundational to self-esteem. That's the stuff that can expand into successful dating.

[FredEire]

In terms of height and looks you do what in in your control. Get in shape, short men have more pronounced muscles when they are athletic. Have a skincare routine and groom yourself and dress well. Looks wise that will help you max out your potential.

The most important stuff though is getting out there. You have to get over the excuses for not getting out and just do it if want to meet someone. A lot of people on the bar scene are actually looking to meet someone but the tradition is that the guy will approach the girl first. In practice it's not often you'll get a bad reaction and to be honest that's not on you if you went about it in a polite way. If nightlife isn't your thing get some hobbies and devote 4/5 days or nights a week to that.

It's not easy to meet someone who's a good fit for you but it isn't just going to drop in your lap while you're sitting at home.

Edited Sunday at 08:20 PM by FredEire

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Consider building a social life, even a small one. Research meetup.com groups near you to explore some interests and bond with like-minded people over a cause, a hobby, community investment, singles events, or whatever might snowball into a passion for you.

Quoted for emphasis.   This is the way to go about it

[basil67]

I want to add that there are good and bad ways to approach women in real life.  If you're at a venue where everyone is being social (pub, party) it's OK to say Hi to a stranger.   But if she's going about her daily business, such as shopping, then advances are not so welcome.   Also, unless it's specifically a group for singles, don't join MeetUp groups to meet women.   They are there for their hobby, not for hitting on.

[Gebidozo]

Short and average looking doesn’t equal unattractive or unsuccessful in romance. I have three friends who’ve had resounding success with women. All three are under 170cm (5.6 feet) tall.

Having height preferences is fine. Having strict height requirements is superficial. Women who prefer tall men will still date a short man that they find attractive. Don’t try to date superficial women.

It appears that you view dating as a false choice between being ignored online by superficial women and approaching them in public out of the blue. Neither is a good way. You should start meeting women in real life by bonding with them. Meet and communicate with them through shared interests, work, hobbies, common friends and acquaintances.

Plenty of women out there are single and interested in having a relationship. When you say they don’t want to be approached, you probably mean they don’t want to be hit on by random strangers in inappropriate places, which is true. But they do want to develop a connection. Which means that you need to offer something to build it on.

Make a list of everything you like and everything you think you have to offer to a woman. Then start expanding and deepening your social circles by looking for like-minded people. Look for women who you think would like someone like you.

[Sanch62]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Having height preferences is fine. Having strict height requirements is superficial. Women who prefer tall men will still date a short man that they find attractive. Don’t try to date superficial women.

I have to agree. Every woman I knew in our youth who had height standards ended up marrying short men, with whom they were thrilled. They all met them in person through activities that allowed them to get to know one another as human beings, not statistics.

[FredEire]

9 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

I have to agree. Every woman I knew in our youth who had height standards ended up marrying short men, with whom they were thrilled. They all met them in person through activities that allowed them to get to know one another as human beings, not statistics.

I've never really known a short man to do badly with women just because he was short. I think it's a bit exaggerated personally, although tbf I'm tall so don't have first hand experience haha. I think a lot of the time it just sticks in guys head as a reason why theyre being rejected even though it might be way down the list in most cases.

I don't really see anything wrong with stuff like wearing raised shoes either if it makes you feel more confident, or a wig if you are bald and don't like it etc. Most of the time the only people who will make fun of you are other men.

[Els]

On 1/3/2026 at 10:49 PM, Frank Lucas said:

Where I work there aren't that many dating prospects so, for men who just work and go home and who might not be successful on dating apps due to the superficiality of them, what are they supposed to do?

You don't do ANYTHING other than work and go home? No friends, hobbies that you can do outside the house, or social events?

Living a reclusive life is a choice. It's a valid choice, but it's one that you might want to reconsider if you want to meet people (for dating or otherwise).

15 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Plenty of women out there are single and interested in having a relationship. When you say they don’t want to be approached, you probably mean they don’t want to be hit on by random strangers in inappropriate places, which is true. But they do want to develop a connection. Which means that you need to offer something to build it on.

Make a list of everything you like and everything you think you have to offer to a woman. Then start expanding and deepening your social circles by looking for like-minded people. Look for women who you think would like someone like you.

I cannot overstate the importance of this advice.

Two of my male friends are VERY short (probably way shorter than the OP - one is 5'2" and the other is 5'3") and both have no issues finding relationships. They're quite social and charming, though.