umcp Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 So, my ex boyfriend and i have been broken up for a long time (three years) but we have this in-between thing going on...we are not together but i guess there are feelings from both sides. the problem is that he hates it when i tell him that i want us to be only friends...he won't talk to me for months...but then again he is not ready to be in a serious relationship either. the last time we talked was three weeks ago..i knew he is mad at me so he wouldn't return my calls or anything....now he called me on my b-day...in the past he has called me at midnight..yesterday he called me around 11. he seemed happy and much more open to talk to me. he wanted to keep in touch more than we were use to in the past...my question is do you think he has moved on and found someone? the last time we had spoken he in directly told me he wasn't..but...i am not sure. i think i still care for him..but i know i just want to work on us being friends...how can i make him see me as someone more or realize what he is missing without being pushy...any suggestions?
slubberdegullion Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Putting the dude into the "friends" category is a huge turn-off. Essentially, when a woman says to a guy, "I like you as a friend," the guy often interprets that as "You're OK, I like you enough to hang around and listen to all my problems and be there to support me and all the rest, but DON'T EVEN THINK OF GETTING TOO CLOSE!!" Frankly, it's an insult. I know that's not your intent at all, but that's probably how he's perceiving it.
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I think I'm confused a little. In one part, you say you just want to be friends but later on you ask how you can make him see you as someone more. It sounds to me that maybe you're a little confused. (or it could just be that it's early here) How long has this in-between thing been going on? How long did you date before? Who broke up with who? This will help in me forming my opinion.
honda12345 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I agree with skeptik224. You need to figure out if you still want him back in your life (as a boyfriend). If so, you need to pursue and just be straight forward about it. Just ask him if he is seeing someone and that you still have a bit feeling for him. If you just want him back as a friend, then do it. You dont have to always remind him "We are friends and only friends". That just comes off as defensive. You need to figure it out yourself. You cannot drag this on for 3 more years of YOUR life :-)
Author umcp Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 Well, we dated for about 7 months. i broke up with him because i felt that he was still hung up on his past. he was dating a girl and she cheated on him and married someone else. i needed to break up with him because i wanted to be #1 in his life...not a rebound. afterwards, he realized that he just needed time in his life and didn't want to settle down. i think my problem was that i realized i fell in love with him..maybe i was scared and he had his issues..so we were on and off for a while. then finally this year i told him since things weren't going anywhere let's be friends...and that's where the distance thing came in. he wouldn't answer my calls or talk to me for 6 months...finally when i bugged him ( i probably annoyed the hell out of him) enough he called me...and we talked...i didn't bring up anything. i want to be more than friends to him....i want him in my life but i don't want to look desperate. he hasn't ever defined our relationship..i just want him to know i am here....but i guess by not being too obvious...what do you guys think?
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 You're playing a game, and you'll end up losing if it continues. Be honest and up front with him. Open your heart and tell him the truth. Why do you need any definition of what you guys are? You obviously want more than friendship so stop saying that that's all you want. Be honest. You have nothing to lose. If not, you may be passing up the best thing...
Author umcp Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 well, let me add that when we saw each other he acted as if he wanted more but when i bought it up he told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship "serious" but i could have sworn that he wanted me....i mean who takes a girl out, wines and dines her and pays for a night out in a four star hotel...and we didn't have sex (i am a virgin). so, i backed off...now i don't want to keep asking him..so i want to try a different route. i don't know if he likes me...its all so confusing! i also think he is a commitment phobe....based on what has went on in his past.
togetmetoyou Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 If he was telling me he loved me and I'm the only thing on his mind until he found out about my boyfriend, isn't he just hurt and trying to get revenge by telling me he has a girlfriend now? I think it's weird that just a month ago he asked me if we were ever going to get back together, and I said I was sure we would. Last time we talked he said maybe we'll be together again, if our paths cross, some years ahead. Around Christmas, he sent me this text message: "Merry Christmas to that special girl, the special girl who was once my world... I still love you very much, and tonight, it's very hard to forget that..." I have not contacted him since the last time we talked, and I haven't heard from him either. I KNOW HE STILL LOVES ME, but I think he wants to move on, or has moved on. How can I turn that around? With time and no contact? I at least want to have him in my life as a friend some day. I'm so afraid it's too late! I only broke up with him because I thought he'd eventually want me back. He had hurt me really bad through our relationship, and I wanted him to see what it would be like without me. I wasn't expecting that I would get another boyfriend or that things would go this far and he'd give up on us. Despite everything, I still love him deeply, but there is a lot of power struggle and game-playing going on. We still had some very serious love between us, in spite of everything wrong with it.
Author umcp Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 WHAT?! i am not understanding your point....
skeptik224 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I think you posted your response on 2 different threads - togetmetoyou.
togetmetoyou Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Oops, sorry.. I'm new here. Can posts be deleted?
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