Close longterm “friends” blocking me after first ever disagreement?

[babybrowns]

Hello all,

I’ve had the upsetting experience of two people whom I thought were two of my best friends suddenly cutting me off after a single disagreement. They are separate situations, but the two people know each other (they met through me), although have never been in that much contact. What the two situations have in common however is that after being good friends with each of them for over a year, which was filled with them often expressing how much they value me being in their life and thanking me for what I’ve done for them, and vice versa too, after a relatively minor disagreement that I had with each of them, the first time we weren’t in alignment with each other, they decided to cut me off and block me on all platforms.

It is one of the sad products of the society we live in today where one can essentially be ‘discarded’ with the press of a button. But it really does mess with one’s head. How it can go from sharing a close-knit bond full of trust to completely vanishing as if the person and friendship never existed, and not even being able to communicate or cross paths again to try to talk it out due to all communication platforms being sealed off.

The saddest thing here is that one of these people knows how upset I was by the other person doing this to me beforehand, and yet they did the very same thing themselves four months later, almost being inspired by the idea.

Just to avoid speculation as to the nature of the disagreements, essentially they consisted of me telling these two friends that I’d not been feeling that appreciated by them, due to indifferent reactions they gave to something, and then they responded by detaching rather than acknowledging my feelings. It was the first time that I ever expressed a need to them. What they essentially communicated by responding in this way was that I’m not allowed to express my needs- the scale of this reaction essentially showed that only their needs mattered.

I would love some insight into the upsetting situation, and to hear from other members here as to whether something like this has happened to you. It’s been horrible to start the new year like this. 

Thanks in advance for your inputs!

Edited January 1 by babybrowns

[ShyViolet]

I suspect that if we were able to hear their side of it, there would be a different perspective.  People don't cut people off for no reason.  Your previous posts reveal some drama behavior on your part, and I do think it's possible that they just didn't feel comfortable continuing a friendship with you because of some patterns of behavior that they saw and didn't like.  In any case, that is their right.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, babybrowns said:

essentially they consisted of me telling these two friends that I’d not been feeling that appreciated by them, due to indifferent reactions they gave to something

I can't ever imagine saying this to someone

Thing is, they reacted this way because they felt that whatever you told them wasn't worthy of a strong reaction.   Calling them out on it and telling them you don't feel appreciated is just unnecessary drama.  You're essentially asking them to feign interest so that you feel valued by them.    

What would your reaction have been if they'd responded with this to you?  Because if you would have doubled down on why their reaction was wrong, this is why they blocked you. And the second person who ended the friendship would have been thinking 'now I understand why the other person moved on'  

 

Edited January 2 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

Your pevious posts inndicate that you often struggle with relating to other people and have had problems in friendships and relationships rather frequently. 

My guess is that this is not as cut-and-dry as you feel it is. In fact, it seems that perhaps you weren't as close as you'd thought if you'd been noticing this: 
 

7 hours ago, babybrowns said:

essentially they consisted of me telling these two friends that I’d not been feeling that appreciated by them, due to indifferent reactions they gave to something,

What was that something they were indifferent to? Can you provide more details on what exactly happened here?