What do women even want from men?

[Frank Lucas]

A study allegedly showed that a lot of women find 80% of men below average. Not just average, BELOW average. Now, even though some women still look at men for money, we're living in a time where women can make their own money, so they shouldn't really need a man to make money or to even make more than them. So aside from money, or some kind of provision, what do women even want out of men if women find most men unattractive (aside from maybe the top 20% or whatever) and how are some men supposed to feel good about ourselves if women don't like us?

[Gebidozo]

I fail to follow your logic here.

Let’s suppose that the study is accurate. I doubt that the women who participated in it really used the expression “below average”; they probably simply said they wouldn’t date 80% of the men they know.

If so, then 20% is very generous. Would you really date 20% of the entire female population of the planet? Regardless of values, marital status, character, intellect, age, looks, cultural background? I highly doubt that. I think the percentage of people we’d actually want to date is much lower than 20%.

The fact you wouldn’t date the majority of women doesn’t mean you don’t like women, right? Well, reverse the genders and there’s your answer.

Asking what women want from men if they don’t like most men is like asking, for example, why we vote for a decent politician while thinking that most of them suck.

We want a quality something, not just that something for its own sake.

 

 

[Frank Lucas]

46 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I fail to follow your logic here.

Let’s suppose that the study is accurate. I doubt that the women who participated in it really used the expression “below average”; they probably simply said they wouldn’t date 80% of the men they know.

If so, then 20% is very generous. Would you really date 20% of the entire female population of the planet? Regardless of values, marital status, character, intellect, age, looks, cultural background? I highly doubt that. I think the percentage of people we’d actually want to date is much lower than 20%.

The fact you wouldn’t date the majority of women doesn’t mean you don’t like women, right? Well, reverse the genders and there’s your answer.

Asking what women want from men if they don’t like most men is like asking, for example, why we vote for a decent politician while thinking that most of them suck.

We want a quality something, not just that something for its own sake.

 

 

Well, it made it seem like women find move guys ugly or something. Might have been an OK Cupid study or something along those lines. But it said that men found more women attractive enough to date and I assume with men that might be more 50-50 or something along those lines, but they made it seem like women don't really find a lot of guys attractive and some men go as far as to say that women are looking at the top 10% of men. So if that's the case, and if money isn't even what makes a woman desire a man, is there anything that men can do to make themselves desirable to women or at least any way that men can feel good about themselves if women don't like them?

[Gebidozo]

43 minutes ago, Frank Lucas said:

some men go as far as to say that women are looking at the top 10% of men

I’d say that’s very probable, I just wouldn’t necessarily classify that percentage as “top”, because what people look for in a partner tends to be different and subjective.

You also wouldn’t date 90% of the women currently alive, for many different reasons. That’s completely normal. Why would you want everyone to be interested in everyone or almost everyone?

 

43 minutes ago, Frank Lucas said:

is there anything that men can do to make themselves desirable to women or at least any way that men can feel good about themselves if women don't like them?

What do you mean by saying “women don’t like them”? That’s a very vague statement. What kind of women? “Don’t like” as in “wouldn’t sleep with” or “aren’t interested in a serious relationship with”? Do the women in question specifically complain about some particular traits of the men in question that they dislike? Are you sure it’s some sort of active dislike or just lack of compatibility?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Frank Lucas said:

A study allegedly showed that a lot of women find 80% of men below average

"A study" that "allegedly" shows something sounds totally sound, completely reliable and requires no critical thinking at all on the part of the reader. 

 

 

[Frank Lucas]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

"A study" that "allegedly" shows something sounds totally sound, completely reliable and requires no critical thinking at all on the part of the reader. 

 

 

It was the OK Cupid study. I'm sure that anyone can find it if they look up 80% of men below average or 80% of men unattractive in a Google search engine. 
 

But I'm just asking what women want from men since it seems like a lot of women don't even like men in general, based on that study and some women's behavior and what some women say and post online, that's all.

[Sanch62]

What is your own personal private goal in dating? Figure out that first, because it will guide you in every next step you take.

For instance, if you seek a monogamous long term relationship, then such a study is irrelevant because you're not marketing yourself to the masses for 'everyone'. Your goal is to screen bad matches down to the tiniest niche of One.

Natural odds are that most people are NOT our match. Rejection speaks nothing of the person rejected; it speaks of the limits of the lens of the rejector. Nobody is everyone's cup of tea. The right person for you will view you through the right lens.

So your job is not to try to appeal to majorities, it's to learn who appeals to you, who 'gets you,' and whether you enjoy simpatico together. This is rare, and it's supposed to be rare. If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Frank Lucas said:

It was the OK Cupid study.

My guy, please tell me you don't take OK Cupid studies seriously. 

2 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

So your job is not to try to appeal to majorities, it's to learn who appeals to you, who 'gets you,' and whether you enjoy simpatico together.

This. 
 

[FredEire]

A lot of women, and indeed a lot of men, are checking out of dating after too many bad experiences. So I would agree it's not getting easier to date in general.

But as others have said there is variance in what people are into. So maybe women like 10% of men but it's very rigid and simplistic to say that 10% are the same for all women. Sure there are some handsome chads who will appeal on a surface level to more women, but in general it depends. I've met women who've told me I'm gorgeous, so I would probably be in their top 10%, but then there are also many women I've met who weren't into me at all and I might be towards the bottom for them.

Ironically it is probably people becoming more superficial and thinking they need the perfect Tinder profile to meet a good partner that is leading to the dissatisfaction in the first place. More men are worrying that they need to tick certain superficial boxes to become a "10% alpha" or whatever, and I can't speak for women since I'm not one but my impression from dating is that a lot of women are getting bogged down in negative stereotypes about men because they keep meeting certain types and then project that onto whoever they're currently seeing. Add the two together and you just get two people doing an emotionally avoidant dance that's going to fizzle out pretty quickly.

A lot of people are living in their heads basically, and if you're too worried about ticking boxes you're not going to connect with the present moment and what's actually important.

Edited Thursday at 07:56 PM by FredEire

[Frank Lucas]

A lot of men are afraid to show romantic interest to women due to some women being very superficial (like when it comes to height, looks, etc.) and/or due to some women getting offended by men showing interest in them in general, and it seems there is a cultural shift in men rarely approaching women in real life and would rather stick to online. For any women reading this, how do you feel about this cultural trend and how do you think this will affect women being the ones to initiate first?

[Gebidozo]

Not a woman here, but I’ve never met any men who’d be afraid to approach women because some of them are superficial. All the men I know, myself included, approach women in real life.

From my experience, men tend to be more superficial than women and are attracted to looks much more strongly.

None of the men I know that have had a lot of success with women is particularly good looking. 

I also haven’t met any women who’d be offended by men showing interest in them. Unless, of course, the interest is shown in a very rude, disrespectful way. 

I can’t imagine a woman who’d be attracted to a man who is scared to approach her. Fear is not attractive.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Frank Lucas said:

how do you feel about this cultural trend

What culture is this trending in?