I got this ‘situation-ship’ relationship

[Lael]

I connected with an Italian guy on a dating app. We’re both 60. Unfortunately we live in different cities about 3 hours apart. We got off the app and have been chatting on the phone and texting for the last 2 months. We both determined we have developed a great friendship and feel that we may have more. So we decided he would come to my city so we could meet.

He thought he would just stay with me. I told him no, I’m not going to just meet a guy and then have him stay in my home, safety first. He seemed a bit put off by that. I suggested he book a room somewhere. Just now he texted me and suggested he would sleep in his car about 2-3 blocks away from me. I texted back saying that seems like an odd idea, he’s not homeless. He didn’t respond to my suggestion to book a room.

I’m wondering why a mature man of 60 hasn’t thought of booking a hotel room himself. He has shared that he’s retired from a well paying career, so I would think he could pay for a room for a night. The arrangements to meet are now causing a bit of tension. And he’s now thinking that the sleeping arrangements isn’t the issue, that there another reason why I said no.

Thoughts, comments anyone?

 

[Gebidozo]

I agree, it is odd, and it feels like some sort of an emotional manipulation, a guilt trip.

“If you don’t let me stay at your place I’ll have to sleep in my car, I’ll be poor and uncomfortable and it’s going to be all your fault”.

Also, he seems unable to accept that you’re simply being careful and invents some other reasons for your completely reasonable decision.

 

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Lael said:

We both determined we have developed a great friendship and feel that we may have more. So we decided he would come to my city so we could meet

(...)

I’m wondering why a mature man of 60 hasn’t thought of booking a hotel room himself. He has shared that he’s retired from a well paying career, so I would think he could pay for a room for a night. The arrangements to meet are now causing a bit of tension. And he’s now thinking that the sleeping arrangements isn’t the issue, that there another reason why I said no

Just goes to show that whatever impression you developed of this guy during your interaction was not 100% accurate. You believe you have a great friendship. But the guy gets offended when you take perfectly reasonable precautions, and he can't have an adult conversation about the subject.

Realistically, you don't actually know much about this guy. He told you he had retired from a well-paying career. For all you know, he may be broke. Alternatively, maybe he was hoping that you would transition into sexual intimacy during his visit and he wanted to facilitate that by spending the night at your place.

This is all just speculation. But I know for a fact that his actions/behavior are not the actions/behavior of an emotionally mature man who intends to respect your boundaries and treat you with respect. So if I were you, I'd be having second thoughts about having him come over for a visit. 

[Sanch62]

He sounds manipulative. His assumption that a woman would want a perfect stranger to know where she lives, much less enter her home, is dangerous.

This is why it's important to meet people quickly, in public, with your own transport, rather than form an emotional bond over messaging. That's a fantasy-building technique that allows strangers to create false intimacy without ever revealing who they are.

I'd give this guy the heave-ho. Stick with local men whom you can meet for a cup of coffee to check one another out--early.