Why do most of the women I date want sex, but not a relationship?

[Sanch62]

12 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

... your goal isn't to settle down with most people.

I think I've experienced a bit of the  female version of what you're describing. I've just had to accept that I'm in a minority and most people are not going to appreciate that style of dating/connecting, that perhaps I am a bit "weird" for my context. 

Yes, exactly. The goal of those of us who are monogamous is to skip mass marketing to please the 'most people' and screen all the way down to a niche of One.

So dallying around with anyone whom you can tell is not on your page makes no sense. It wastes your time and does zero for your ego to stick around until such a match reaches its inevitable ending.

Why play that out? When you sense that forming the depth of connection you're seeking isn't possible with an otherwise lovely person, do both her and yourself the favor of letting them go so you can both move forward to find your person. Head high.

[Shehaari]

17 hours ago, Repentant said:

Sorry about the late reply to this, missed it in the deluge:)) 

Thank you so much! I genuinely hope with all my heart that you'll manage to find that deep connection as well, we deserve to find the kind of love we desire!

Haha, no worries- it's definitely the time-zone difference:) 

We've got this! 

[FredEire]

Its interesting to me this is your experience. I tend to kind of be the opposite, most women I get to the point of intimacy with want a relationship, but I want something more casual in those cases, and when I feel a bit of a connection developing we usually never get to the point of being intimate. Different stuff, but still equally frustrating!

I have a friend who would seem to be more along your lines. He's handsome, witty and charismatic, and women would be all over him but it's clear they're after one thing. He's very showy and offers a kind of thrill that attracts women who just want a good time. That said he claims to want the same thing himself but I suspect deep down he craves more.

From what you've said on here it seems like you're a bit more reflective and outwardly looking for something deeper than he might be, but do you think you might be giving off a bit of a "good time" energy that means women might not take you seriously when it comes to a relationship, but that you might be someone who's fun to spend some time with? I don't know if it's that you are just being too emotionally intense too early, as I think that on its own tends to stop things in their tracks entirely whether it's on a more physically level or something more.

Just spitballing here but maybe some of that lands with you.

[Repentant]

6 hours ago, FredEire said:

Its interesting to me this is your experience. I tend to kind of be the opposite, most women I get to the point of intimacy with want a relationship, but I want something more casual in those cases, and when I feel a bit of a connection developing we usually never get to the point of being intimate. Different stuff, but still equally frustrating!

I have a friend who would seem to be more along your lines. He's handsome, witty and charismatic, and women would be all over him but it's clear they're after one thing. He's very showy and offers a kind of thrill that attracts women who just want a good time. That said he claims to want the same thing himself but I suspect deep down he craves more.

From what you've said on here it seems like you're a bit more reflective and outwardly looking for something deeper than he might be, but do you think you might be giving off a bit of a "good time" energy that means women might not take you seriously when it comes to a relationship, but that you might be someone who's fun to spend some time with? I don't know if it's that you are just being too emotionally intense too early, as I think that on its own tends to stop things in their tracks entirely whether it's on a more physically level or something more.

Just spitballing here but maybe some of that lands with you.

I have noticed this as well, I've had some acquaintances who were definitely not looking for anything serious, yet other people were drawn to them like moths to a flame, with the desire to "tame." Guess some people just want what they can't have.

As for either giving off different vibes or overwhelming with emotions early on, the latter I don't think applies that much, as I treat the initial stages as "getting to know this person I fancy," no declarations, no exuberant expressing of care or affection, the most I do is tell them if I'm falling for them 2-3 weeks after I start falling for them. Related to the former, however, I have been thinking that I may be perceived as flirty and playful due to my normal way of interacting. I like to joke around a lot, poke other people for reactions, to tease playfully, basically conversations as a sort of sport. But I only do this if things stay surface level, because I usually get bored with small talk and start "shocking" us awake, so to speak. Otherwise, I prefer deeper, more meaningful conversations, even if they are around heavier stuff, but I've resigned myself to wait for them to happen instead of trying to make them happen - most people I meet don't seem very keen on talking about "life stuff." 

It's not that I actively mean for it to be perceived as flirty, either, I honestly don't even think I'd know what to do were I to start a conversation with the purpose of flirting with someone, but I guess it can be taken as such since it's all lighthearted fun.

Edited December 31, 2025 by Repentant

[Gaeta]

Looking back on my years of dating I am convinced it all depends on the initial connection. If 2 people click-connect, not much can turn them off. 

I was the first one to run away if a new date expressed too much enthusiasm but then I met my boyfriend (almost 4 years ago already) and on our first date he layed it on so thick! I should have ran away but I didn't. I decided to give it a few dates and turns out he was genuine in his interest, he did not try to escalade the relationship too fast, gave me lots of space, etc. 

One day you'll meet someone and it will click end it will unfold naturally.  She will think your flaws are cute and she'll love what makes you 'you'. 

[FredEire]

14 hours ago, Repentant said:

I have noticed this as well, I've had some acquaintances who were definitely not looking for anything serious, yet other people were drawn to them like moths to a flame, with the desire to "tame." Guess some people just want what they can't have.

As for either giving off different vibes or overwhelming with emotions early on, the latter I don't think applies that much, as I treat the initial stages as "getting to know this person I fancy," no declarations, no exuberant expressing of care or affection, the most I do is tell them if I'm falling for them 2-3 weeks after I start falling for them. Related to the former, however, I have been thinking that I may be perceived as flirty and playful due to my normal way of interacting. I like to joke around a lot, poke other people for reactions, to tease playfully, basically conversations as a sort of sport. But I only do this if things stay surface level, because I usually get bored with small talk and start "shocking" us awake, so to speak. Otherwise, I prefer deeper, more meaningful conversations, even if they are around heavier stuff, but I've resigned myself to wait for them to happen instead of trying to make them happen - most people I meet don't seem very keen on talking about "life stuff." 

It's not that I actively mean for it to be perceived as flirty, either, I honestly don't even think I'd know what to do were I to start a conversation with the purpose of flirting with someone, but I guess it can be taken as such since it's all lighthearted fun.

Yeah I think it may be partly to do with the vibe you give off. My friend is a born showman, entertains everyone around him and hes a kickboxer and is in great shape. Everything is a joke and a laugh basically until you know him a bit better.

On the other hand Id tend to come off a bit more reserved and serious. It's a real generalisation obviously but I think there might be a tendency that if you're a kind of joker and entertainer you might attract women who want sex first and then decide you maybe aren't showing the depth they want for a relationship, if you lead a bit more straight maybe they might be more attracted to your mind but there isn't always as much of the "fun" factor that builds sexual attraction.

Obviously you want to have a bit of both. Perhaps if you are always the funny man but have a bit of trouble connecting with more depth, that might be the issue.

[FredEire]

16 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yeah I think it may be partly to do with the vibe you give off. My friend is a born showman, entertains everyone around him and hes a kickboxer and is in great shape. Everything is a joke and a laugh basically until you know him a bit better.

On the other hand Id tend to come off a bit more reserved and serious. It's a real generalisation obviously but I think there might be a tendency that if you're a kind of joker and entertainer you might attract women who want sex first and then decide you maybe aren't showing the depth they want for a relationship, if you lead a bit more straight maybe they might be more attracted to your mind but there isn't always as much of the "fun" factor that builds sexual attraction.

Obviously you want to have a bit of both. Perhaps if you are always the funny man but have a bit of trouble connecting with more depth, that might be the issue.

I'd add that I think its a good basis as you are now to be leading as more fun, and flirty. Getting too deep, too quickly is overwhelming a lot of the time and can kill the attraction, the start is better when it's light and fun.

I think most people do seek that depth though, but more when it comes with time. I'd say a sense that you are going to entertain but not see or really connect with your partner (as it becomes more serious) is what might lead to your kind of situation.

I'm with you on the affection stuff. I don't think overly romantic gestures are merited with someone you've only known for a couple of weeks, it's better just to get to know eachother and have fun. A lot of women will like or even expect that though, which maybe just means you're not compatible with those women.

[Repentant]

On 12/31/2025 at 8:25 PM, Gaeta said:

Looking back on my years of dating I am convinced it all depends on the initial connection. If 2 people click-connect, not much can turn them off. 

I was the first one to run away if a new date expressed too much enthusiasm but then I met my boyfriend (almost 4 years ago already) and on our first date he layed it on so thick! I should have ran away but I didn't. I decided to give it a few dates and turns out he was genuine in his interest, he did not try to escalade the relationship too fast, gave me lots of space, etc. 

One day you'll meet someone and it will click end it will unfold naturally.  She will think your flaws are cute and she'll love what makes you 'you'. 

Thank you so much! I'll keep myself open for it!

[Repentant]

On 12/31/2025 at 9:06 PM, FredEire said:

Yeah I think it may be partly to do with the vibe you give off. My friend is a born showman, entertains everyone around him and hes a kickboxer and is in great shape. Everything is a joke and a laugh basically until you know him a bit better.

On the other hand Id tend to come off a bit more reserved and serious. It's a real generalisation obviously but I think there might be a tendency that if you're a kind of joker and entertainer you might attract women who want sex first and then decide you maybe aren't showing the depth they want for a relationship, if you lead a bit more straight maybe they might be more attracted to your mind but there isn't always as much of the "fun" factor that builds sexual attraction.

Obviously you want to have a bit of both. Perhaps if you are always the funny man but have a bit of trouble connecting with more depth, that might be the issue.

Yep, pretty much on the money with the "born showman" part, I love making people laugh (or at least get an annoyed giggle out of them), lifting spirits, that sort of thing. And, yes, I also pay a lot of attention to their details, helps with both the jokes and that desired depth I mentioned. I guess I just have to figure out a way to balance these two aspects a bit better. I'm starting to think that I may actually need to start opening up a bit sooner - as it stands now, it takes a bit of time before I feel comfortable enough to dive into the "serious" stuff on my own. I usually wait for someone to make the first move, so to speak.

On 12/31/2025 at 9:31 PM, FredEire said:

I'd add that I think its a good basis as you are now to be leading as more fun, and flirty. Getting too deep, too quickly is overwhelming a lot of the time and can kill the attraction, the start is better when it's light and fun.

I think most people do seek that depth though, but more when it comes with time. I'd say a sense that you are going to entertain but not see or really connect with your partner (as it becomes more serious) is what might lead to your kind of situation.

I'm with you on the affection stuff. I don't think overly romantic gestures are merited with someone you've only known for a couple of weeks, it's better just to get to know eachother and have fun. A lot of women will like or even expect that though, which maybe just means you're not compatible with those women.

Yep, I get what you mean. I do have a bit of reticence in opening up based on my disappointing history woth human interactions. I've, unfortunately, met a lot of crummy people and gave them my trust, only to live to regret it. Guess I have to start figuring out bits I can safely share from earlier on, at least to show that I love a laugh, but I can also get down to brass tacks when needed.

Thank you so much for the insights, you've helped me know myself better!

[Sanch62]

7 hours ago, Repentant said:

Guess I have to start figuring out bits I can safely share from earlier on, at least to show that I love a laugh, but I can also get down to brass tacks when needed.

Yes, and also be mindful of casting your pearls to wrong matches. Pre-sex discussions can be wiped off the board if a person isn't aligned with your goals for dating. Lots of people will say anything you want to hear to get the sex, and if that's all they're really after, that will become apparent after the sex. So there's no foolproof way to not get used for sex beyond your own ability to observe and allow your intuition about another to speak louder than your hopefulness and desire to impress.

[Repentant]

17 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

Yes, and also be mindful of casting your pearls to wrong matches. Pre-sex discussions can be wiped off the board if a person isn't aligned with your goals for dating. Lots of people will say anything you want to hear to get the sex, and if that's all they're really after, that will become apparent after the sex. So there's no foolproof way to not get used for sex beyond your own ability to observe and allow your intuition about another to speak louder than your hopefulness and desire to impress.

Very well said. I know exactly what you mean, as I've unfortunately already experienced that once before. Luckily, my curiosity and desire to comprehend always trump my hopefulness and desire to impress, so at least I have that partial advantage, although that previous experience may have contributed to my keeping myself locked up at the start. Add to that my... less than stellar experience with human beings overall, and it becomes hard to offer trust when it's been stepped on so many times before.

[FredEire]

On 1/2/2026 at 8:04 AM, Repentant said:

Yep, pretty much on the money with the "born showman" part, I love making people laugh (or at least get an annoyed giggle out of them), lifting spirits, that sort of thing. And, yes, I also pay a lot of attention to their details, helps with both the jokes and that desired depth I mentioned. I guess I just have to figure out a way to balance these two aspects a bit better. I'm starting to think that I may actually need to start opening up a bit sooner - as it stands now, it takes a bit of time before I feel comfortable enough to dive into the "serious" stuff on my own. I usually wait for someone to make the first move, so to speak.

Yep, I get what you mean. I do have a bit of reticence in opening up based on my disappointing history woth human interactions. I've, unfortunately, met a lot of crummy people and gave them my trust, only to live to regret it. Guess I have to start figuring out bits I can safely share from earlier on, at least to show that I love a laugh, but I can also get down to brass tacks when needed.

Thank you so much for the insights, you've helped me know myself better!

Good to hear, that's what I'm here to try and do!

Most likely you are going to attract the wrong kind of people, too, if you are actually looking for a relationship, since women who always go for the funny entertainer types are probably not that comfortable with intimacy themselves.

What I've learned about attachment patterns is that we are most drawn to people who seem "safe", even if thats not conducive to a relationship or even safe in a practical sense. In the most extreme forms you see people who suffered violence as a child end up with a string of physically abusive partners. In a practical sense it's the furthest thing from safe, but since it's what they're used to it's safe in the sense it's something familiar so more "comfortable" in an emotional sense.

 

Edited Saturday at 11:51 AM by FredEire

[Sanch62]

8 hours ago, Repentant said:

...it becomes hard to offer trust when it's been stepped on so many times before.

I view trust as something to be earned, not offered.

I start everyone on a neutral 5 on my trust-o-meter. I observe behaviors over time, and this informs me whether to add more trust or withdraw it. If I find myself withdrawing it, I don't stick around.

[Repentant]

19 hours ago, FredEire said:

Good to hear, that's what I'm here to try and do!

Most likely you are going to attract the wrong kind of people, too, if you are actually looking for a relationship, since women who always go for the funny entertainer types are probably not that comfortable with intimacy themselves.

What I've learned about attachment patterns is that we are most drawn to people who seem "safe", even if thats not conducive to a relationship or even safe in a practical sense. In the most extreme forms you see people who suffered violence as a child end up with a string of physically abusive partners. In a practical sense it's the furthest thing from safe, but since it's what they're used to it's safe in the sense it's something familiar so more "comfortable" in an emotional sense.

 

Unfortunately, I have first-hand experience with that "safe" familiarity, so I know exactly what you mean. That used to be my target early on, when replicating patterns from my early years. Took a lllot of work to first see it for what it is, then recalibrate. Work which, unfortunately, many people don't even start... 

[Repentant]

13 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

I view trust as something to be earned, not offered.

I start everyone on a neutral 5 on my trust-o-meter. I observe behaviors over time, and this informs me whether to add more trust or withdraw it. If I find myself withdrawing it, I don't stick around.

I use a 0-to-10 scale and start at -1:)) I know this is a problem in terms of developing meaningful connections, but I see so many reasons to distrust the average human being nowadays. So many dangerous mentalities have shown themselves to not only still be alive, but even widespread and more intense than one would expect this far into the XXIst century. And hey pop up where one least expects them, they're exceedingly unpredictable, especially since critical thinking seems to be mostly dead now. But this is a discussion for a different time.

To get back to the subject at hand, I fully agree that trust should be earned and not freely given. The only thing which should be given is the opportunity to earn trust. I think that's what I need to figure out, as I don't know if waiting for people to show themselves as trustworthy by themselves is conducive to establishing connection.

[Sanch62]

8 hours ago, Repentant said:

I use a 0-to-10 scale and start at -1:)) I know this is a problem in terms of developing meaningful connections, but I see so many reasons to distrust the average human being nowadays. So many dangerous mentalities have shown themselves to not only still be alive, but even widespread and more intense than one would expect this far into the XXIst century. And hey pop up where one least expects them, they're exceedingly unpredictable, especially since critical thinking seems to be mostly dead now. But this is a discussion for a different time.

You're entitled to set your meter at whatever default you choose. You also get to determine whether this allows for the outcomes you want. If you can't raise that setting on your trust-o-meter just enough to offer at least an olive branch of vulnerability to learn whether it's reciprocated, then you'll deny yourself valuable information. Your dynamic will stagnate in a superficial position that won't give you any intuitive readings on that person. It will offer her none on you, either.

This is a stalemate. If you won't open your door a crack, you won't inspire connection. So this lack of connection becomes stale, and you're left wondering why sex is the only thing left to be a woman's motive. Meanwhile, she's thinking, "No connection, but he's cute, so we might as well have a roll before I drop off."

Quote

To get back to the subject at hand, I fully agree that trust should be earned and not freely given. The only thing which should be given is the opportunity to earn trust. I think that's what I need to figure out, as I don't know if waiting for people to show themselves as trustworthy by themselves is conducive to establishing connection.

Exactly. Offer at very least a smidge of it yourself. If you think of dating as a dance rather than a poker match where you reveal zero, then getting your toes stepped on now and then isn't that big of a risk, is it?

If you want to move your love life beyond face value pit stops, then offer enough of a human connection to learn whether a given person CAN connect. Otherwise, the topical question of your OP will remain. "Why do most women you date only want sex?" Answer: "Because if you're not willing to offer just enough trust to test a connection, then there can be no connection--so what else beyond sex is in it for them?"

Edited Sunday at 04:08 PM by Sanch62

[Repentant]

4 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

You're entitled to set your meter at whatever default you choose. You also get to determine whether this allows for the outcomes you want. If you can't raise that setting on your trust-o-meter just enough to offer at least an olive branch of vulnerability to learn whether it's reciprocated, then you'll deny yourself valuable information. Your dynamic will stagnate in a superficial position that won't give you any intuitive readings on that person. It will offer her none on you, either.

This is a stalemate. If you won't open your door a crack, you won't inspire connection. So this lack of connection becomes stale, and you're left wondering why sex is the only thing left to be a woman's motive. Meanwhile, she's thinking, "No connection, but he's cute, so we might as well have a roll before I drop off."

Exactly. Offer at very least a smidge of it yourself. If you think of dating as a dance rather than a poker match where you reveal zero, then getting your toes stepped on now and then isn't that big of a risk, is it?

If you want to move your love life beyond face value pit stops, then offer enough of a human connection to learn whether a given person CAN connect. Otherwise, the topical question of your OP will remain. "Why do most women you date only want sex?" Answer: "Because if you're not willing to offer just enough trust to test a connection, then there can be no connection--so what else beyond sex is in it for them?"

Your words remind me of what a former workmate once told me: "your perfect match is just like you - locked up in her apartment, avoiding people. Good luck finding each other."

You're 100% correct. And empyrically so, as, in retrospect, all relationships so far occurred as a result of that vulnerability you mention - the first through trauma bonding, then through just talking about Life Stuff. Didn't end up where I would've wanted them to, but that doesn't change the facts. Yeah, I certainly have to work on this as well. Guess I just have to learn to embrace the suck.

Thank you! Sincerely!

[FredEire]

12 hours ago, Repentant said:

Unfortunately, I have first-hand experience with that "safe" familiarity, so I know exactly what you mean. That used to be my target early on, when replicating patterns from my early years. Took a lllot of work to first see it for what it is, then recalibrate. Work which, unfortunately, many people don't even start... 

Indeed. Over 50% of marriages now statistically end in divorce. So many people, including a good few friends of mine, settle down with people who are entirely unsuited for them out of these attachment dynamics/loneliness/desperation/just ticking a "doing the thing" box.

So by actually reflecting and working on it you're ahead of the game!

[Repentant]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

Indeed. Over 50% of marriages now statistically end in divorce. So many people, including a good few friends of mine, settle down with people who are entirely unsuited for them out of these attachment dynamics/loneliness/desperation/just ticking a "doing the thing" box.

So by actually reflecting and working on it you're ahead of the game!

Very true, sadly. And, yes, I've been working on this element for years at this point, trying to keep what I can from it (because, at the end of the day, that familiarity does hold some characteristics which I genuinely find attractive), but without the unhealthy bits. As with all trauma, the damage has already been done, so it's all down to how we deal with it moving forward. It all circles back to intentionality and awareness.

[Shehaari]

2 hours ago, Repentant said:

As with all trauma, the damage has already been done, so it's all down to how we deal with it moving forward. It all circles back to intentionality and awareness.

Indeed. Well said. 

[FredEire]

4 hours ago, Repentant said:

Very true, sadly. And, yes, I've been working on this element for years at this point, trying to keep what I can from it (because, at the end of the day, that familiarity does hold some characteristics which I genuinely find attractive), but without the unhealthy bits. As with all trauma, the damage has already been done, so it's all down to how we deal with it moving forward. It all circles back to intentionality and awareness.

Yep. Take it from someone who has dated very un self-aware people, it makes a relationship absolutely impossible.

Nobody is perfect, but the key factor isn't how many skeletons there are in your closet but how aware you are that theyre even there and use that awareness to not let them sabotage yourself or your partner.

I'm as messed up as anyone, but I'm pretty aware what my tendencies are and I'm working on it!

Edited Monday at 12:39 AM by FredEire

[Repentant]

9 hours ago, FredEire said:

Yep. Take it from someone who has dated very un self-aware people, it makes a relationship absolutely impossible.

Nobody is perfect, but the key factor isn't how many skeletons there are in your closet but how aware you are that theyre even there and use that awareness to not let them sabotage yourself or your partner.

I'm as messed up as anyone, but I'm pretty aware what my tendencies are and I'm working on it!

Yep, had my share of such relationships. At best, they ended. At worst, they left me hollow. So few people dare to look their trauma in the eye, let alone attempt to deal with it...

[FredEire]

2 hours ago, Repentant said:

Yep, had my share of such relationships. At best, they ended. At worst, they left me hollow. So few people dare to look their trauma in the eye, let alone attempt to deal with it...

What I've learned is that the end result is if you're unaware of a tendency to be unfairly jealous/controlling/anger issues etc it will always be justified and projected onto your partner, which is bad news.

It's ok to be all those things and more but you have to realise it and once you feel it bubbling up, acknowledge it may have nothing to do with them and communicate calmly.

For instance I have a tendency to withdraw and be a bit emotionally distant in relationships, which gives me a bit of an unhealthy attraction to people I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with. I get to withdraw because they're jealous or controlling, they get to have a justification for their tendencies because I'm pulling away, so there must be another woman etc. It "works" but at the same time doesn't work.

That being said of course people cheat etc, so you also can't be tolerant to the point of being a doormat. I think you have to be fair but firm, its a balancing act.

Edited Monday at 12:04 PM by FredEire

[Repentant]

On 1/5/2026 at 2:03 PM, FredEire said:

What I've learned is that the end result is if you're unaware of a tendency to be unfairly jealous/controlling/anger issues etc it will always be justified and projected onto your partner, which is bad news.

It's ok to be all those things and more but you have to realise it and once you feel it bubbling up, acknowledge it may have nothing to do with them and communicate calmly.

For instance I have a tendency to withdraw and be a bit emotionally distant in relationships, which gives me a bit of an unhealthy attraction to people I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with. I get to withdraw because they're jealous or controlling, they get to have a justification for their tendencies because I'm pulling away, so there must be another woman etc. It "works" but at the same time doesn't work.

That being said of course people cheat etc, so you also can't be tolerant to the point of being a doormat. I think you have to be fair but firm, its a balancing act.

Yep, that's the first thing I've learnt through therapy, it's always better to be fair than to be nice. Fairness includes being nice to people who deserve it (and not being horrible with people who don't deserve it).

And I completely agree, it's always the unaddressed issues which sink the ship. There's nothing to be ashamed of, everything can be discussed and solutions can always be found. But if we let things stew just beneath the surface, that pressure buildup will inevitably seek a release, which usually ends up as a mess.

As a side note, your self-awareness is genuinely admirable and gives me hope for human beings in general. Thank you!

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, Repentant said:

Yep, that's the first thing I've learnt through therapy, it's always better to be fair than to be nice. Fairness includes being nice to people who deserve it (and not being horrible with people who don't deserve it).

And I completely agree, it's always the unaddressed issues which sink the ship. There's nothing to be ashamed of, everything can be discussed and solutions can always be found. But if we let things stew just beneath the surface, that pressure buildup will inevitably seek a release, which usually ends up as a mess.

As a side note, your self-awareness is genuinely admirable and gives me hope for human beings in general. Thank you!

We say "nice" often when we really mean "weak", someone who has no spine and will put up with anything really.

I like the idea that you should connect with your ability to be a truly nice and giving person, and also connect with your ability to be vindictive and horrible while choosing not to act on it.

That's why those people who say they are just "the nice guy" are so off-putting, because they're carrying around a lot of rage but have no ability to use it and process it in a healthy way.

If you can connect with both like you say you can be nice when you want to and not so nice when its needed but not letting your anger control you to the point of being nasty or rude. It might be healthy to let loose a bit if someone has really screwed you over bad but usually people mean well and there's nothing a calm, firm and honest conversation won't fix.

Thanks a lot! I would like to be able to apply it a bit better in my life haha but yes I feel I've picked up a few lessons along life's long and windy road.

Edited yesterday at 02:16 AM by FredEire