Why do most of the women I date want sex, but not a relationship?

[Shehaari]

 I personally appreciate a man who's honest and communicative about their intentions early on, so I can act accordingly. Perhaps it's because I'm no serial dater and look for intentionality in connections. Knowing what a man is looking for provides me with clarity - not guessing or having to decipher behaviour. 

Sharing your intentions early on, will either invite those who want to get to know you on a deeper level, or it will reveal who does not want the same as you.

My humble advice would be to get curious about what these women are looking for "in that perticular season of life", and see if it matches yours.
Do this BEFORE sharing too much of yourself emotionally and physically (as it seems we might be similar there). 
 

5 hours ago, Repentant said:

Edit: thank you! I do try to not hurt feelings more than it's absolutely necessary, so to speak, which is why I always try my best to communicate my side of things clearly and in a timely manner. I don't do "it's not you, it's me" unless I really mean it, y'know?

 I appreciate this way of thinking in a man. Intention is key and being a man with integrity and having good manners will take you far

 

10 minutes ago, Repentant said:

genuine emotional connection, attention, interest in my person, curiosity about what makes me me, are nicer to me.

I agree! This adds more depth to the relationship and sex would feel so much better when it feels genuine. 

[Sanch62]

9 hours ago, Repentant said:

Honestly, this entire deal is so friggin' complicated, that I have times when I wonder if it's even worth it... Somehow, it seems my dynamic is specific enough to be my main impediment...

I think you've been doing well, and you're getting frustrated by natural odds. Most people need to meet a lot of bad matches before finding good potential, and even then, dating is about exploring whether the match is mutual and sustainable. In most cases, not.

If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

Here's one possibility. Do you pull back enough to allow for reciprocation? If not, your pace may be too arduous for most women to keep up with. For instance, even after a fabulous date, I need time to reflect and process. If the guy phones next day and wants to schedule again, my first impulse is to want to ask if I can get back to him. I just need a breather.

Are you giving women a breather between dates? Do you ever allow them the time and space to reach out to you to propose a next date?

If not, try pulling back a bit. You may be exhausting women. You may be teaching them that partnering with you might feel a bit suffocating, and that could be what they are responding to. Consider the value of autonomy during relationships.

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

I think you've been doing well, and you're getting frustrated by natural odds. Most people need to meet a lot of bad matches before finding good potential, and even then, dating is about exploring whether the match is mutual and sustainable. In most cases, not.

If finding love were easy, what would be so special about it?

Here's one possibility. Do you pull back enough to allow for reciprocation? If not, your pace may be too arduous for most women to keep up with. For instance, even after a fabulous date, I need time to reflect and process. If the guy phones next day and wants to schedule again, my first impulse is to want to ask if I can get back to him. I just need a breather.

Are you giving women a breather between dates? Do you ever allow them the time and space to reach out to you to propose a next date?

If not, try pulling back a bit. You may be exhausting women. You may be teaching them that partnering with you might feel a bit suffocating, and that could be what they are responding to. Consider the value of autonomy during relationships.

I have never really felt that pulling back and waiting to set up another date until another time was a very good plan. Doing so can easily send a signal to the lady that you yourself aren't that interested and she will quickly move on to another person communicating with her who is pursuing her harder. Unless she has a big crush on him she will often lose interest very quickly if the guy is being very casual about pursuing her. There is definitely a middle ground that needs to be reached about not over pursuing but not under pursuing.

[Sanch62]

Just now, Sony12 said:

There is definitely a middle ground that needs to be reached about not over pursuing but not under pursuing.

Yes, exactly. I can appreciate expressing enjoyment of a date and wanting to get together again; I'm not advocating for being uncommunicative.

I can even see scheduling a second date pretty closely to the first and being proactive about that. But afterward, I'm cautioning against glomming onto someone and not allowing for breathing room and reciprocation. Women don't need to be 'sold,' that's patronizing. It demonstrates insecurity, and nobody wants that. It might be helpful to say you really enjoyed a date and offer that if she'd like to see you again, you're open to her picking the next one. Think of it like reaching out to touch fingers instead of grabbing her arm and pulling all the time.

[Sony12]

17 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

 It might be helpful to say you really enjoyed a date and offer that if she'd like to see you again, you're open to her picking the next one. Think of it like reaching out to touch fingers instead of grabbing her arm and pulling all the time.

That can work but in my experience most of the women comfortable in taking over the scheduling and what not that early on in the process are the exact same types the OP is being weary of. The ones who will be inviting a guy back to her place after the date is over......and sometimes before the date even happens.

[Els]

2 hours ago, Repentant said:

Oh, sorry, I've expressed it ambiguously! I've dated over ten women, but most of those instances didn't last for more than a couple of weeks tops. Overall, I've had four instances which could be called relationships.

I mean, this is like a 30% rate? Which is perfectly normal IMO, and in fact I'd consider it quite high.

It's understandable that you are frustrated, of course. For the relationships that ended, do you know why they ended?

[smackie9]

It's simple...emotional connection just isn't there. Your focus throughout your post is all about the physical...the sex, the making out, having all your ducks in a row financially, fit and healthy, good looking enough to getting your foot in the door, being respectful, able to set boundaries, not a pushover, etc. The truth is women want to be intellectually stimulated. We think, feel, and make decisions with our emotions. Some men are able to tap into that, some don't. That's why you will see a guy that has nothing, isn't all that, but is able to get women to commit to them. Maybe find some self help books that will help you gain the knowledge to connect with women better. 

[Sony12]

53 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

It's simple...emotional connection just isn't there. Your focus throughout your post is all about the physical...the sex, the making out, having all your ducks in a row financially, fit and healthy, good looking enough to getting your foot in the door, being respectful, able to set boundaries, not a pushover, etc. The truth is women want to be intellectually stimulated. We think, feel, and make decisions with our emotions. Some men are able to tap into that, some don't. That's why you will see a guy that has nothing, isn't all that, but is able to get women to commit to them. Maybe find some self help books that will help you gain the knowledge to connect with women better. 

Don't be so quick to give credit to guys who don't really have much going for them who are still able to get women to commit to them. In reality many of those guys have just found a certain type of girl that they can manipulate. For instance there are a lot of guys who prey upon emotionally vulnerable women and completely take advantage of them. Not in regards to sex but they convince these women to fund them because they act like they are being emotionally there for them. All the while living off them. Many of those guys are even worse then the ones who are using women for sex. At least the ones who are using them for sex aren't trying to bleed their bank accounts.

Edited 5 hours ago by Sony12