Will my affair partner come back

[yankeearod]

I started seeing my affair partner around June this year. We worked together for a year prior and there was always attraction. I knew of her situation and she knew of mine so we never did anything but flirt. Her husband lives in another country and they have been together for 5 years. They married shortly after they had a child. The father has never lived in this country. She would go for a couple weeks out of the year and see him, but mostly she raised the child alone. A month after she got back from seeing him, we started flirting more and she started to push it further. We both didn’t really know what we were getting into, but we talked about exploring and what we felt comfortable with. Slowly we opened up till we were pretty much dating. Spending everyday together. I expressed in the beginning that I didn’t want to make her life complicated and didn’t want her to do things if she didn’t feel comfortable. I told her before we got to close if you never wanted to go further let me know so we can part ways. She told me repeatedly this is what she wanted. Over the next 4 months we spend many days together. Talking over the phone up to 10 times per day. She even brought her child around me. I went to the park with them multiple times. We all went out to dinner many times. I even dropped him off at school with her. She expressed multiple times she wanted to leave her husband for me. We discussed it multiple times. She discussed a future with me. Even asked if I would ever be ok with marrying her eventually after her getting a divorce. She talked about future plans for vacations. When we initially started dating she told me her husband was working on coming to this country and she still wanted him too. Not to be with him, but to be apart of her child’s life. It worried me, but I couldn’t fault her for that. Over the months she made me apart of her everyday. Told me she loved me everytime we got off the phone. Because of the situation I never felt safe or comfortable and we started fighting a bit over my insecurities. She never left during any arguments and always worked through everything. If I was uncomfortable she would call me and talk to me till I felt better. She wouldn’t let me help finically with her child’s life. She paid for half of the dinners cause she wouldn’t let me pay always and bought me gifts occasionally if I told her there was something I was looking forward too. Towards the end she started to feel the fighting was a lot cause of my anxiety, and she was starting to feel like we wouldn’t break the fighting cycle. I started therapy and anxiety medication and started to feel better. We were talking through things and communication never stopped. She still called me multiple times per day and face timed as well. Every morning on the way to work and every night before bed. The night before on thanksgiving she called me and told me she loved me. She had a night mare and called me during sleep and I talked to her till she fell back asleep. The next morning she said happy thanksgiving I hope you have a great day . Then an hour later I she messaged me she couldn’t do it anymore and she wanted to be alone. I tried calling her and supporting her, but she was so shut down saying she got in a fight with her family member wouldn’t talk about anything and claimed she wanted to focus on her and her child. I gave her some space and tried coming back many times and each time she got more frustrated. Said she was confused but wanted to be left alone. That she was depressed and needed to focus on herself. We have stopped talking and I found out her husband is coming over here. That’s why she backed away. I told her if she wanted to focus on herself marriage that’s all she had to tell me. I want her to be happy and she didn’t have to act like I never mattered. She said she didn’t know how things with her husband were going to be when he got here. That she had to see how it was going to go. Didn’t know if she wanted me in her life anymore. Said it was unfair to hold on to me while she was so unsure. She asked for time to figure things out. I’m so scared I’ll never hear from her again. I want her to be happy, but I’m worried she won’t be. I know it’s her choice and I have to let her go, but I love her so much. I do just want her to be happy and if that would make her happy I’ll let go, but I feel like she feels stuck cause it’s the kids father. She hasn’t blocked me and answers if I reach out, but it causes her a lot of stress, so I’ve gone no contact. We talked everyday for months multiple times per day and I’m so scared she will never talk to me again. Do you think she will reach out? Will she even be happy in her marriage after not seeing him for so long and being with me during that time period? She’s also not going to tell her husband what happened so whatever was a problem that made her do what she did is going to be lingering. I asked her if she didn’t have feelings for me anymore, if she wanted to work on her marriage, or find someone new and she just said I would be lying if I told you I didn’t love you. I’m in so much pain. I think about her everyday.  

[BaileyB]

It’s not usually a wise decision to “date” another man’s wife. That decision can lead to nothing but heartache… and for that reason, I would say that for your sake, I hope she doesn’t come back. It’s time for you to accept the fact that this was but one chapter in your life… best to turn the page and move on…