Cheated on with AI

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone. First of all Merry Christmas!

 

I've been struggling with the breakup with my ex and could really do with some advice, support, anything really.

 

So quick backstory.

 

Me (23F) and my ex boyfriend (22M) met at work. We started of as best friends, coincidentally living on the same road and spending all our time together. He liked me the whole time but I convinced myself I didn't feel the same. After a year, I finally allowed myself to fall in love and accepted to be with him romantically. I had previously been through some of the worse abuse in my life by an ex partner so I really struggled to take the leap of a relationship and trust again. We lived together for over a year, went on holiday multiple times, spent every second together. Of course, we had our issues but he was the love of my life and before what happened between us happened,I chose my dream engagement ring and we had discussed the next steps for us. Again, to get into the mindset of marrying someone was a huge deal for me, and took years. We was 'officially' together for about 21 months before he ruined everything. Yes, I know it isn't a long time in the scheme of things, however I was so sure on marrying that man.

 

So one day, he gave me his Apple TV login to watch a show, and little did I know it logged me into his icloud. As I went to download a new game, I noticed it was his App store account and me being me which is super nosey, I decided to have a look at his apps. I was never looking to find something,catch him out or anything, I am just a nosey person. As I'm looking, I see 3 AI girlfriend apps, all titled something along the lines of 'hot realistic gf, sexy chat, create your own etc'. It was basically a dating app but instead of real women, it was AI women. I confronted him about this and he completely denied it, claiming his account was hacked. He swore on our whole relationship, on his grandparents grave who recently passed, on God that he wasn't lying. He was a very religious man so part of me believed him. The lying went on for about an hour. After more digging, I found another app of the same nature, which then he confessed. He said he lied due to being scared, and he downloaded them to 'help his sex drive' as he had struggled to even get hard with me for months before nevermind be in the mood. Anyway, after a week of him sleeping on the sofa, I had finally decided to forgive. We also had a holiday booked in the next few weeks and honestly I mostly forgave him for that.

 

Whilst on holiday, he had a phone call. Basically, he rang his bank because he had been charged £50 for a weeks subscription for one of the apps he had even though he cancelled it. Long story short, I found out it was a real dating app, not AI like he claimed. I saw one text he sent to a girl who asked for fun and he replied yes. He still claimed he thought it was an AI app. Eventually, again after lying, he admitted he had also used other dating apps, mostly AI but some not. We broke up, I moved out, which meant I had to leave my job, live back with my parents, start a new job etc.

 

After a few weeks, I kept on texting him as friends. I would go on a night out, stop at his and chill on multiple occasions. He was always super respectful and we just spent time together. At that point he had started therapy for his actions and i watched him show real remorse. However, I realised there's absolutely no point anymore. I can't get back with him after what he's done so I ended things for good. Since then, it's been no contact. He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing.

 

It's absolutely destroyed me. I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope. It's the worst torture I have been through in my life. We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever?

 

I don't exactly know what I'm hoping for from this post. But mostly it needed to be shared.

[Gebidozo]

39 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I can't physically do it without him, I don't want to. I can't cope.

Yes, you can.

I know it feels very bad now, but, as time passes, you’ll be able to realize how lucky you are that you got out of a relationship with a compulsive cheater and a shameless liar.

 

41 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever?

You weren’t good together, it was an illusion that he created by lying to you. This wasn’t an incident, it was a revelation of what he truly is.

He cheated and he lied in a cowardly fashion.

You were just starting your relationship and already he had sexual problems with you, even though he is very young.

Please don’t go on thinking this was the love of your life. It wasn’t. This was a short relationship (not even two years) that you had at a very young age with an incompatible person.

Don’t resume contact with him, understand that you’ve dodged a bullet, and be thankful that you’re now free to search for a good future partner.

[ShyViolet]

You did the right thing in ending it for good and going no contact.  There is no coming back from this.  You can't be in a relationship with a person who is such a liar.  Do not give in to the urge to contact him again.

Of course it's really hard for you now.... that's perfectly normal after going through a big breakup.  Give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship, to feel your feelings.  It will get easier with time.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry this has happened, OP. Your thread tittle is a bit misleading, though. This man wasn't only cheating with software (which is lame enough as an adult)  He was on real dating apps with real women, too.  I have a feeling you haven't yet accepted what he's done and are somewhat misleading yourself about the the gravity of this.  

3 hours ago, Anonymous said:

We was so good together, is this incident enough to end us forever?

But you weren't. It was an illusion. 

He was disespecting you throughout the relationship by going behind your back, and it wasn't just with AI. And it isn't an "incident" - it was a pattern of bad behaviour. An incident suggests it was isolated, but it wasn't. This man has been lying to you for a long time. 

3 hours ago, Anonymous said:

He was always super respectful

 Don't be fooled. He's lacked respect for you all along or he wouldn't have been doing this in the first place. 

3 hours ago, Anonymous said:

He's not fought for me, messaged me, nothing.

One day when you're past the sting, you will wonder why you wanted this man to fight for you. He is sub-standard. You can do a lot better than this but you currently lack the life experience to believe that. This isn't and never was the one for you.

You are going to better off without this headache in your life. Find a man who values you and isn't shopping for other women outside the relationship. 

Edited 8 hours ago by ExpatInItaly