My boyfriend of 3+ years is still not ready to meet my parents

[Gebidozo]

7 hours ago, Els said:

But expecting your partner of 3+ years to suck it up and meet your parents occasionally isn't unreasonable IMO

Sure, it’s not unreasonable. But I still don’t see why the refusal to meet the parents is interpreted as a sure symptom of commitment issues. And why it is such a dealbreaker, especially, as the OP states above, they don’t want kids.

What positive changes exactly, will occur in their lives if her boyfriend does agree to meet her parents?

I met the parents of all my LTR exes but one, and was involved in their extended family life. And they all met my mother. At best, it was just something to endure. At worst, it affected the relationship negatively.

 

[Zinnia-850]

Just now, Gebidozo said:

Sure, it’s not unreasonable. But I still don’t see why the refusal to meet the parents is interpreted as a sure symptom of commitment issues. And why it is such a dealbreaker, especially, as the OP states above, they don’t want kids.

What positive changes exactly, will occur in their lives if her boyfriend does agree to meet her parents?

I met the parents of all my LTR exes but one, and was involved in their extended family life. And they all met my mother. At best, it was just something to endure. At worst, it affected the relationship negatively.

 

well I guess most people view the ultimate commitment as having kids and getting married. Since i'm not doing either of those things i feel like the biggest thing is being able to interact with and be around my family. I totally get it if one or both partners have family members that are cut off, hard to be around or just bad/judgemental people that it would be something to consider never meeting them. But considering I visit my parents and spend holidays and vacations with them it of course would be ideal to have my partner be able to join. They arent toxic or bad people to be around... then theres also the element of my parents starting to age and maybe sometime within the next 10 years or so i may have to move closer and want to spend more quality time with them or even help out. And at that point if we are still together in my opinion it would just be weird for him to never see them. Im definitely not.saying he should be with me every time or be super involved, just seeing them once in awhile would suffice. 

[Sanch62]

2 hours ago, Zinnia-850 said:

Even without the fertility lens theres still the thought that im dedicating that many years to someone who isnt "the one". But hindsight is 2020 and i dont know what the future holds, naturally i feel conflicted. 

Give yourself the gift of getting out in the world to meet new friends. See how you feel when you encounter healthy couples who socialize together. Learn whether that taps something in you that desires the same kind of partnership. Either it will or it won't. If so, you'll figure out what you need to do, and if not, then living as a recluse with your guy's issues may not be as depressing for you as I found it to be.

[ExpatInItaly]

When you have to work this hard to get your boyfriend of 3 years to even consider meeting your parents, I think there is a much bigger and pinker elephanti n the room that is not being addressed. 

[smackie9]

I feel there needs to be more honest discussions with him to share your feelings. Maybe force the hand a little bit and get him to go out more with you where there will be people, light crowds, fun activities. Nice time to go ice skating, see the festive lights, Christmas market etc. The less he does the more this will get worse for him. He needs to get off his butt and do stuff...even if it's just a walk through the mall or a park. 

[Gaeta]

17 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

What positive changes exactly, will occur in their lives if her boyfriend does agree to meet her parents?

Both my adult daughters don't want kids or marriage, it has nothing to do with meeting me or not.  l want to know the men in my daughters lives and l want my daughters with their partners in my life. For a lot of people family matters. My daughters boyfriend are family to me, l matter to them, they matter to me. I know if l'm in trouble they are 1 phone call away. 

Maybe OP is a bit like me and family matters.