How do I get back to platonic with my male friend after confessed crushes on eachother?

[Melissa1988]

Okay so this is long one, but basically I knew this guy threw my Ex growing up we always had like this connection when together. Anyway fast forward to our tender ages of 37 & 40 both single and him living away for so long 10 years in another country. He returned and I have since left my ex but realised I really liked this person and they are not friends anymore.

Then began the mess of us the past 4 months, we have gotten so close to the point he was dropping hints about us laughing being old together, and hinting he may buy woods which is where I always wanted to live. So after seeing several times I took the plunge and wondered if it was friends or romance. I held his arm and he liked it. But sadly there is another women, a women he was house mates with and they're platonic but he feels infatuated by her and believes he has found the one but he carries flirting with me. What's weird about this all is I would be so happy for him if he married her, he's my friend! But I have been getting mixed signals, so I asked him do you like me? He replied saying yes, of course your amazing women, funny, attractive yes I've developed a little crush on you and it's okay. I like that you make me feel good and you lift me up, but I'm not the man for you and my heart lies else where. But I like what we have I don't want to loose this then he started breathing funny and said god I think I'm panicking and apologized. I felt so bad for him my dear friend was having an anxiety attack because I asked him something vulnerable. He has since said that we are getting closer then ever before and this is a teething, we are going into the unknown but I like our journey. He then said I like cooking you dinner is that off the table? Because am I over stepping? Because I will dial it back I understand. 

I want my friend in my life I know that, but can we really ever go back to how we once were before I asked the question? Look I will always admire him he will always admire me but we know we can't be together in the future like that so how do I get back to friends. 

[flitzanu]

17 hours ago, Melissa1988 said:

I like that you make me feel good and you lift me up, but I'm not the man for you and my heart lies else where. But I like what we have I don't want to loose this

he didn't admit that he has a crush on  you, he told you he enjoys your friendship.

this is him letting you down gently that he's not interested. 

[Els]

You get back to it by just not talking about it again. I've had it happen with a few male friends, one couldn't take no for an answer so we stopped being friends, the others accepted it and we remained platonic friends.

And honestly, that's what he's saying - "no". He wants to be friends with you and nothing more. 

[Melissa1988]

On 12/23/2025 at 6:55 PM, flitzanu said:

he didn't admit that he has a crush on  you, he told you he enjoys your friendship.

this is him letting you down gently that he's not interested. 

He did say it has a crush sorry left that part out, decided just to ignore it get on with our friendship thank you for replying 

[Sanch62]

On 12/22/2025 at 8:37 PM, Melissa1988 said:

I like that you make me feel good and you lift me up, but I'm not the man for you and my heart lies else where.

This is him telling you that he thinks you're fabulous, but he wants to remain platonic because he's invested elsewhere.

So there's no barrier to a platonic friendship unless you hold one.