Friend sending gym selfies to girlfriend...

[qwerty666]

Hi All

 

Without going into too much detail, I have a strong suspicion that my friend at work is sending gym selfies to my girlfriend. We do go to the gym together, my friend and I.

We are all friends and have been a couple of years. 

Messages are sent via social media, theyre friends on there and i know that there have been dms between them. Ive never asked to see them as ive never suspected anything as jusy assumed its reactions to stories etc.

I want to see her dms but I dont want to go through her phone. Im worried that if I ask her she wont show me.

I rarely see her dm list so its not as if I can see his name and ask to have a look.

Im 80% sure but dont want to accuse her of something and it not be true.

What do I do and if she has been receiving them? I think id have to cut them both out of my life.

Please help!

Edited Sunday at 11:11 PM by qwerty666

[qwerty666]

16 minutes ago, qwerty666 said:

Hi All

 

Without going into too much detail, I have a strong suspicion that my friend at work is sending gym selfies to my girlfriend. We do go to the gym together, my friend and I.

We are all friends and have been a couple of years. 

Messages are sent via social media, theyre friends on there and i know that there have been dms between them. Ive never asked to see them as ive never suspected anything as jusy assumed its reactions to stories etc.

I want to see her dms but I dont want to go through her phone. Im worried that if I ask her she wont show me.

I rarely see her dm list so its not as if I can see his name and ask to have a look.

Im 80% sure but dont want to accuse her of something and it not be true.

What do I do and if she has been receiving them? I think id have to cut them both out of my life.

Please help!

For the record. He is 21. My gf and i are both 36. He is a friend through work and we have socialised often.

Edited Sunday at 11:16 PM by qwerty666

[qwerty666]

1 hour ago, qwerty666 said:

Hi All

 

Without going into too much detail, I have a strong suspicion that my friend at work is sending gym selfies to my girlfriend. We do go to the gym together, my friend and I.

We are all friends and have been a couple of years. 

Messages are sent via social media, theyre friends on there and i know that there have been dms between them. Ive never asked to see them as ive never suspected anything as jusy assumed its reactions to stories etc.

I want to see her dms but I dont want to go through her phone. Im worried that if I ask her she wont show me.

I rarely see her dm list so its not as if I can see his name and ask to have a look.

Im 80% sure but dont want to accuse her of something and it not be true.

What do I do and if she has been receiving them? I think id have to cut them both out of my life.

Please help!

For further context, they were friends before we got together and I met her through him after we bumped into her 

[Gebidozo]

Sorry, I don’t quite understand what the problem is.

So your friend has been going to gym, taking photos of himself working out, and sending them to your girlfriend because they are friends too. Why is that wrong? What exactly bothers you about that?

Or are “gym selfies” a euphemism for something else? Are they nude photos? Photos of him in the shower or something?

[qwerty666]

12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Sorry, I don’t quite understand what the problem is.

So your friend has been going to gym, taking photos of himself working out, and sending them to your girlfriend because they are friends too. Why is that wrong? What exactly bothers you about that?

Or are “gym selfies” a euphemism for something else? Are they nude photos? Photos of him in the shower or something?

Photos of him with his top off, flexing his muscles and posing. He is single and I fins it disrespectful.

 

She doesnt go to the gym and has zero interest in gym/fitness so i dont see why she would want to see them. She doesnt comment on mine

 

They dont socialise, they just know each other but im starting to think hes interested in her.

Edited yesterday at 12:18 AM by qwerty666

[Gebidozo]

32 minutes ago, qwerty666 said:

Photos of him with his top off, flexing his muscles and posing. He is single and I fins it disrespectful.

 

She doesnt go to the gym and has zero interest in gym/fitness so i dont see why she would want to see them. She doesnt comment on mine

 

They dont socialise, they just know each other but im starting to think hes interested in her.

Hmm.

I just imagined a 21 year old kid sending such photos to my girlfriend. We’d probably just find it comical. Or, I don’t know, maybe admire the work he has done on his muscles. I mean, it’s not like she is going to be romantically impressed by some dude sending her that. And she is into fitness, actually.

Anyway, suppose he is interested in your girlfriend romantically and is trying to woo her with those pics. Do you trust your girlfriend? Or do you suspect that she is interested in that guy, too?

My point is that it’s not about the guy, it’s about your girlfriend. How does she respond to those photos? You know, if she just ignores them or says “nice workout” or something, I still don’t see anything wrong here.

Of course, if she responds with “omg, these muscles of yours make me soooo horny”, then yeah, I’d say there is a problem.

Why don’t you just talk to her about it?

 

[ShyViolet]

How do you know he's sending her these photos?  Where are you getting this idea from?

[qwerty666]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

How do you know he's sending her these photos?  Where are you getting this idea from?

Thats not Important really, its more of he is and she isn't telling me or shutting  it down,  should I be worried?

[ExpatInItaly]

10 minutes ago, qwerty666 said:

Thats not Important really, its more of he is and she isn't telling me or shutting  it down,  should I be worried?

It is important, because it's not clear if this is figment of your imagination or if you have a real reason to be concerned. 

Why do you think he's senidng her such photos? 

[ShyViolet]

47 minutes ago, qwerty666 said:

Thats not Important really, its more of he is and she isn't telling me or shutting  it down,  should I be worried?

Yes it kinda is important.  It makes a big difference whether this is pure speculation based on nothing, or whether you have a concrete reason to believe this.

[qwerty666]

5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It is important, because it's not clear if this is figment of your imagination or if you have a real reason to be concerned. 

Why do you think he's senidng her such photos? 

So i saw a message pop up on her phone from him and then mine. Mine was a gym pic, he sends them to me now and again. I asked to see what he has sent and she said it wasnt him and just an app notification. I saw his name.

[qwerty666]

5 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Yes it kinda is important.  It makes a big difference whether this is pure speculation based on nothing, or whether you have a concrete reason to believe this.

So i saw a message pop up on her phone from him and then mine. Mine was a gym pic, he sends them to me now and again. I asked to see what he has sent and she said it wasnt him and just an app notification. I saw his name.

[Sony12]

College age girls and guys trying to show off their bodies is pretty normal. For many of them it is the best they will ever look throughout their entire life. Without having any context about the photos about what they are saying to each other when sending and receiving them then it doesn't mean much. You have already admitted that they are already friends. That is what friends do on SD social media. Send and receive photos many of the times.

Even if she is admiring his younger body a bit it still doesn't mean much. It doesn't mean she is having sex with him or anything. 

Do you show your body off to her as well? If so why wouldn't you think she would accept a 'friend' of hers sending her photos of his muscles also?

[qwerty666]

9 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

College age girls and guys trying to show off their bodies is pretty normal. For many of them it is the best they will ever look throughout their entire life. Without having any context about the photos about what they are saying to each other when sending and receiving them then it doesn't mean much. You have already admitted that they are already friends. That is what friends do on SD social media. Send and receive photos many of the times.

Even if she is admiring his younger body a bit it still doesn't mean much. It doesn't mean she is having sex with him or anything. 

Do you show your body off to her as well? If so why wouldn't you think she would accept a 'friend' of hers sending her photos of his muscles also?

The thing is would any woman be happy if their BF/Husband was receiving DMs from a girl aged 27 who was single and wearing next to nothing after the gym?

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, qwerty666 said:

So i saw a message pop up on her phone from him and then mine. Mine was a gym pic, he sends them to me now and again. I asked to see what he has sent and she said it wasnt him and just an app notification. I saw his name.

I see yours was a gym pic, but is there a reason you think he sent the same sort of message? 

Unless I am missing somethimg, I'm not sure why you're making that assumption. 

[qwerty666]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I see yours was a gym pic, but is there a reason you think he sent the same sort of message? 

Unless I am missing somethimg, I'm not sure why you're making that assumption. 

Its because she denied he sent her a message when I saw it. Why lie?

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, qwerty666 said:

The thing is would any woman be happy if their BF/Husband was receiving DMs from a girl aged 27 who was single and wearing next to nothing after the gym?

If it was a stranger then probably no. But this is an individual she seems to have known even longer than you. I do wonder why either of you are close friends with someone so much younger. Sounds like both of you might enjoy  interacting with young people.

Women with a strong libido enjoy looking at pictures of attractive men just as much as men enjoy looking at images of attractive women. And just like men throw up the I'm not dead card just because I'm not single. Women throw out that same card.

[Sony12]

12 minutes ago, qwerty666 said:

Its because she denied he sent her a message when I saw it. Why lie?

Because it's her phone and you are trying to invade her personal space.

[Els]

Do you do these mental somersaults often? Have you considered maybe talking to a therapist?

[Sony12]

For all we know he is taking a picture with a big goofy look on his face and she is sending a reply to something of the tone 'Lol you are such a dork'. 

If he was sending her nude pictures then that would be one thing but pictures of someone at the gym is pretty harmless without any context. Especially when his gym partner is her boyfriend.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, qwerty666 said:

Its because she denied he sent her a message when I saw it. Why lie?

I am not necessarily saying he sent her an appropriate message, to be clear. But it also seems you don't actually have any idea what he sent her. 

 

[Gaeta]

If she follows him on social media, and he posts something/anything on social media, she will get a notification with his name. The notification was not necessarily a direct message to her.

Also, naybe he sent her the picture but she said no because you're the jealous type that would over react?

And finally, own who you are. If you don't want this guy to sent nude chest pictures to your girlfriend then tell HIM. Next time he sends you a picture ask him if he sends those to your girlfriend. If he says yes then tell him it's borderline innapropriate and you'd prefer he doesn't. ....at 21 it's time he learn what bounderies are. 

[FredEire]

If they are friends I dont see anything particularly strange about it, if this is stuff he might post on his Instagram anyway. He might be fishing for attention yeah but unless your girlfriend is flirting/sexting back I don't really see why it should become a big drama.

If he's sending pics with his D out in the shower post workout and shes responding positively thats a different story but it sounds like you are jumping to the conclusion that kind of thing might be happening with no real evidence for it.

Edited 17 hours ago by FredEire

[flitzanu]

19 hours ago, qwerty666 said:

 

Im 80% sure but dont want to accuse her of something and it not be true.

 

it's weird to word this as accusing your gf of doing something wrong when it's your friend that you are suspecting is doing something wrong.

just because she's the recipient doesn't mean she's requesting he send these.  this could be all him sending it to her and she doesn't care.

 

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

If she follows him on social media, and he posts something/anything on social media, she will get a notification with his name. The notification was not necessarily a direct message to her.

Also, naybe he sent her the picture but she said no because you're the jealous type that would over react?

And finally, own who you are. If you don't want this guy to sent nude chest pictures to your girlfriend then tell HIM. Next time he sends you a picture ask him if he sends those to your girlfriend. If he says yes then tell him it's borderline innapropriate and you'd prefer he doesn't. ....at 21 it's time he learn what bounderies are. 

This 100% ^^^ Pretty much what I posted on the other site. Why start blaming the GF for this guy's behavior. Should be confronting the guy about it.