Pre-Christmas family blow up

[Grant25]

This didn't seem to fit anywhere else.  Please feel free to move if needed.

I don’t know where to start.

My parents separated about three years ago and got back together after about 6 months. Apparently Mom cheated but they would never really discuss it with us kids. Adult kids by the way. I was ok with that and didn’t really want to know anyway although I did think Dad was weak for accepting her back.

So here we are approaching Christmas and they’ve split again but this time the proverbial has hit the fan. And what’s worse is that this now involves me.

To briefly run through what I now know. Mom cheated and had been for three years with the same guy. Dad found out. Kicked her out. Took her back with her being able to keep the guy as a boyfriend as long as it was discrete. So she’s been with this guy for six years. This Christmas she wanted him at our Christmas and to make it public. Dad lost it and has now told everyone exactly what she has done. It’s not good.

That guy she has been seeing is my best mate!!! He might have been single at the start but he’s now married with a daughter. His wife, who obviously I’m also good friends with knew and approved of his girlfriend but didn’t know and didn’t want to know who it was. Who are these people I thought I knew?

So my Dad is a weak piece of trash. Not only did he let Mom do this with my best friend he also kept it from me. My best mate is a dog, I mean it’s gross that he would even want to but why? All those times over the years we sat together speaking crap to each other and he had this secret, I just can’t get over it. And Mom… what do I even say? How could she do that to Dad, to ME!!! I don’t even want to think about how it might have first started.

Now my best mate’s wife has moved in with me with their child and he’s chosen my Mom over his wife and she’s living in their home now. This is just so messed up. I can’t even function properly right now. I get angry at the smallest things when I’m normally calm. Even having Rebs here hurts and she just reminds me of the whole situation but she’s got nowhere else to go. I mean she even suggested (jokingly according to her) that her and I would make a good match. How is she even be thinking about something like that right now? How did she even let her boyfriend then husband have a girlfriend in the first place?

All the people in the world I could talk to are tied up in this. Even my two older sisters have disappointed me, one is on Mom’s side and says the heart wants what the heart wants and the other one is just playing it off as a mistake and keeps pushing me to reconnect with my best mate. Never. Going. To. Happen !!!

So yeah, family sucks. The holiday season sucks. In fact the only person I’ve been able to count on is my ex which is such a surprise because we didn’t part on good terms. She has been a great support and cooked me some meals and dropped them off and sat and listened to me complain more than once.

I'm just here for some kind words and support I guess, and maybe a reality check if that's needed. My whole world has crashed around me in the last week.

[Gaeta]

My goodness!! I was reading your story and thinking I would so buy myself a ticket to a beach destination and spend xmas relaxing by myself !

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Get to therapy to begin to sort this out.

The chaos and confusion and bad decisions and entanglements you report here are far too much to just sort through on your own--or even with friends. Sorry--this kind of emotional dysfunction and chaos requires professional skill to help you sort through this and stay sane.

My heart goes out to you. What a mess!

[MsJayne]

Wow, you’re literally surrounded by self absorbed clowns. Your (ex) best friend and your mother, what a sly and sleazy pair, it’s a big yuck from me. There’s no obligation for you to help the ex besties wife and child, that’s his job, and she’s a dumba** doormat for going along with the garbage, she should go home to her family. I agree with @Gaeta, you need to get away from them all, do you have any other friends or family you could spend Christmas with? 

[Grant25]

11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I would so buy myself a ticket to a beach destination and spend xmas relaxing by myself !

 

5 hours ago, MsJayne said:

I agree with @Gaeta, you need to get away from them all

It's amazing you both say that, I had the same idea. I resigned from my job, although the boss didn't accept my resignation and instead gave me a month off to think about it, and I'm currently driving to a friend's family beachside home interstate. They need the house for themselves after New Year's so they said I can stay as long as I want until then. 

The beach is my happy place so hopefully that with the solitude helps a little.  Although the idea of a Christmas alone sort of sucks but it's still infinitely better than being around people I thought I knew but didn't really.

My phone has been blowing up but I haven't read any messages.  I want to keep a clear mind while driving.  I think it's going to be a challenge going through them.  I'm not really a person that likes excuses.

[Grant25]

9 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Get to therapy to begin to sort this out.

I feel like what I need right now is time, but it may well come to that. I just hope everyone owns their own situations instead of making excuses.  I'll have far more respect for them if they do that. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, I want to give you the best of encouragement AND I want to be honest.

Given how utterly, bafflingly confusing and chaotic and boundary-crossing your family is, there is simple NO WAY that you figure this out with time. Sorry, just ain't happening any more than time will help us heal a brother leg. Your situation is way too confusing. Any one of the dynamics you portay would be difficult to handle, but you have got multiple, overlapping relationship anguish going on. 

This here and I don't mean to be rough on you, but this here is just wildly naive and impossible:

I just hope everyone owns their own situations instead of making excuses.  I'll have far more respect for them if they do that. Dude, if their behavior corrected tomorrow--all of the.various conflicts--you'd still have pain and anguish over all that has happened up until now. Your family (mine has its own issues for sure) but unless you believe in Santa Claus, people are not going to "own" their situations--whatever that means. 

[Grant25]

5 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

people are not going to "own" their situations--whatever that means

I guess I just want people like my Mom to acknowledge she crossed lines instead of spinning some yarn about having no choice, lust, love, whatever. It won't change anything re our now non-existent relationship moving forward but it would give me closure, or at least I hope it would.  The same could be said for everyone else involved.

The only person that seems to care about me right now is my ex. She didn't want me to be alone and has followed me down here to so I won't be alone over Christmas. I genuinely appreciate her and to be fair she has been wonderful, but it has just added another awkward situation into the mix. I'm just grateful she understands and knows when to give me a hug and when to make herself scarce.