How do women get back emotionally attached to men they don't want?

[Anonymous]

Hi there!
There are moments, phases of the relationship, in which the woman will have to satisfy needs. For example, she will want to have children, move in together, want to be married, want to be have hard sex, etc.

In some relationships, things go smoothly, and some men agree to everything, partly because they obviously agree with it. However, there will be relationships in which the woman has to "struggle" because her man is not in agreement or in line with her needs.

Maybe she wants to have a second child, but he doesn't agree, or she wants to be married in a few years, and he doesn't agree, or she wants to do things in bed that he doesn't want to do.

At this moment then emotional detachment is created. Above all, the woman will begin to feel repelled by the man who denies her the satisfaction of her needs; furthermore, she may begin to become emotionally attached to some other man, and in some cases cheat.
I think this happens very often: emotional disconnection due to not having needs met.

Now, we know that women are never happy, and will always have one need after another, but there are some things which are still not clear.. (this has already happened in 3 relationships that I know of)

In the first, the woman was planning to do the second child, and he didn't really agree. She begins to entice him sexually, but he is still reluctant. However, in the meantime she detaches herself emotionally and becomes attached to another man (work colleague).

But then, she gets pregnant, and once the pregnancy is over, the baby is born, and the two of them return happily ever after. They've a new love, like a new couple, indeed, now they are "stronger than before". In fact they do things together that they didn't do before.

Now, repeat this example in other relationships, with similar circumstances.
In short, there is a phase of detachment in which if the man hold, and takes time, then she goes back to the way she was before, and the relationship "improves".
If the man instead makes himself respected and cuts off the relationship due to exceeding boundaries and lack of respect, then the relationship ends.

Now, some people here have gone through both and have their own clear perspective. It can happen that one person has some needs and another has others. We know that women are never satisfied and that they will have different needs based on their current relationships.

How do women get back emotionally attached to men they don't want, and now their relationship actually seems like perfect husband and wife, they do everything together, they seem like "best friends", if just before they were emotionally detached and worshiped other men?
Is this a normal thing that men, at least those of the 21st century, have to swallow if they want to have long-term relationships?

[Herkamer63]

Here's my take, and I can only speak as a guy representing men, for the most part, but I will try to be fair to women here too:

-First off, moving in with your gf well before marriage is discussed is a bad idea. Same with sleeping together before tying the knot. Yeah, I'm a Christian and make no apologies about it. Even if I wasn't, there's things, even Christian men like myself, understand why these 2 things are bad news bears. A big one is finances. You invest into a home, costing 10s, if not 100s, of thousands of dollars. That's a lot of money just to be with someone you're not married to. Sure, there's apartments, but even then, for a decent sized one, you have monthly payments, and renting out apartments, condos, rental houses, etc, are very expensive nowadays. Not to mention furniture, utensils, gas/electric/water bills, streaming services, and other bills that come up. So financially, just on those things alone, it's a huge investment. And if the relationship doesn't workout, you're out a ton of money. Then with something like sleeping together and kids come out as a result, you have baby products, clothes, school supplies, school payments, the extra food, kids are also expensive. Again if the 2 adults call it off, one, if not both, can be out a lot of money and possibly put into welfare. Another issue is health, mentally and physically. The stresses of making payments, working out less and less which can result in becoming more ill, can take a toll on someone. Not to mention if they're letting themselves go physically, becoming either too overweight or underweight, someone can lose interest as a result. And if someone might have been carrying an STD and you slept with them, chances are you can get it. There's other reasons, but, for the most part, from what I've seen, moving in and sleeping together before marriage can end a relationship in disaster, so it would be better to wait to do such things until after you're married. Anything can happen, cheating is a big thing, and someone, if not both, not upholding their end of the deal, so it's better to wait and see if this is the person you want to be with, and if they are, wait until after the 'I dos' on your wedding day.

-Next up, addressing what the modern woman wants in a relationship. Over the last few decades, modern women's standards and preferences have been all over the place, but I think we can say that we know what type of a guy that they want (disclaimer, no, this is NOT all women that are looking for these qualities, this is in regards to non-traditional women, which has increased in population where they're the louder voice, but not quite the majority, so PLEASE understand this about them, modern women, not traditional women). These women want guys that are 6+ foot, very good looking, 6 pack abs, and, as a bonus (not necessarily a requirement), 6 figure income. Now, these same women have a list of things they have for men to make a relationship work, such as pay for dates, be chivalrous, be romantic, pay for events, pay for general bills, give them compliments on their looks, and do what they ask. However, these type of men, from what average people have seen, don't really have to do much to make a relationship work, other than exist and commit to these women. They don't pay for anything nor give compliments because these women don't demand it from them. All they want is the romance. That's it. The other side of the male coin are average men, and they are the ones these type of women that demand EVERYTHING, plus things that aren't even on the list. Even then, if the average guy meets them, it's just the "bare minimum" and not enough, although they went above and beyond for these women. Whether or not these women become their gfs, though, will depend on if the guy makes a ton of money or not, but that, too, doesn't guarantee a good, healthy relationship because these guys are not the Chads that these women want. I've heard of stories of women helping pay for highly attractive men's bills and doing other things as well, only because they want to keep these dudes around, while the average guy, who works his tail off, ends up with no relationship. To conclude this section, the modern woman will say they want good men of virtue and chivalry , but when put into practice of the dating realm, they overlook and straight up ignore a gigantic percentage of the male population and try to get these Disney Princes that have no real interest in them.

-What about if average men do get into relationships and are agreeable to almost everything? Well, for starters, its cringe. I have seen good guys who have strong morals and values get reduced to being a servant. The thing is they didn't have to, but rather they chose to. Not that there's anything wrong with making sacrifices for a woman you're in a relationship, but when the woman's doing nothing for you, it's a sign that she doesn't respect you. There's been men doing things for women that others would look at and say 'why.' If it's dating, why spend 100s of dollars on a night out? If it's food, why ask permission for an entre you want? If it's disagreement, why agree to something you object to? There's more examples, but it's as if these men are afraid if these women leave them their lives are done. So they're willing to put up with the disrespect, so long as the woman stays, even if it's at the cost of his livelihood. These men don't even have to be in relationship because we've seen it with dudes that are in the friend-zone. They will do things for these women they like in hopes that they will be one step closer to getting these women. If there's a criticism I can make here is there are many weak men out there so afraid that women will never find them desirable if they don't do the things these women tell them to do, even though the best solution would be to leave them because these women don't like them. So if you're a guy reading this, if a woman that you might be seeing isn't doing ANYTHING for you while you're doing all the heavy lifting, it's best to call it off.

-Kids are a big factor, and if a man and a woman have a child, it's hard to detach themselves from that. There's been many stories of married women divorcing their husbands just to collect not just alimony but also child support. With modern women, they will get guys on the hook for marriage by promising children. So long as the guy's moving up the later financially, she will bear children. However, on many occasions, the kids that come are not the husband's. Even then, the wife plays it off as if they are the husband's, hiding the fact that they're actually the man that she had an affair with. Yeah, as an individual, the husband can improve as a person when he takes up a father role. However, many of these stories of the husband's "kids" are based on a lie, and these kids grow up believing that this man that has been taking care of them is their real father. You can make the argument that he is by bond, but by blood, he isn't, and the bond begins to fall apart when characteristics of the children when they get older start to come out, usually revealing these traits are not from him nor the wife's, nor anyone from either side of the families. So the guy does the reasonable thing and has a paternity test done, and wouldn't you know it, he finds out the kids he's been raising aren't even his but someone else's (in some cases, more than 1 partner). He confronts his wife, in many cases serving divorce papers, and the marriage ultimately ends. It's sad because the people that take it the hardest are the kids, led to believe that the man taking care of them wasn't their real dad. I would hope that these same kids, though, would reach out and thank the guy because he was there for them, and not hate their mother, but results can vary. Bottom line is modern women will always try to use children as a bargaining chip toe reel men in. It's another reason, going back to point one, to hold off on bedroom fun until you're married because any signs disloyalty must be identified, if there's any. Otherwise, you can end up with a messy situation like this and the kids are the ones who get hit the hardest.

Now, to bring this all back to the topic at hand, how do modern women get these men back when they had already called it off? Honestly, nowadays, they don't, unless if some of these guys are the biggest simps/cu*ks ever. Could there be some sort of regret these women would have? It's possible, but in most cases, it's unlikely. What ends up happening is the guys they actually want don't want them, and they go through their 20s and 30s screwing around with random men, regardless if they're attracted to them or not, and when they're finding out they're running out of time biologically to have children, they decide to try and "settle" with the men they never found attractive but much more successful in life, thinking these guys still have a massive crush on them. In so many cases, the guy is built physically better, has more in his wallet, has a much higher social standing, is more respected among his peers, and has overall leveled up greatly across all spectrums. It takes longer for the average man to reach these high value marks because he has to work for it and can take years, while these women are already considered high value because of their looks (if they're taking care of themselves) and their youth (assuming they're in their early 20s). Probably not the best way to measure people, but according to many secular studies, that's just how it's defined. Anyway, modern women will see these men they've rejected a long time ago, shoot them a "hey stranger" message, and try to get back with them. In the majority of these cases, these women still don't actually like the guy himself, but rather love his resources and his social status. And in the turn of events, these men who had a real thing for these women before no longer want them. In fact, many of these men end up with younger women, so these older modern women, in their minds, get robbed. Even if there was an emotional attachment to these men before and still was there, once these women tell a guy 'no' to getting into or continuing on a relationship, to many men, it's 'no' and they move on (maybe going through heartbreak at first, but after that, life goes on). Actions have consequences, and that will never change. Both for men and women. Men, if you continue to pursue a woman and she never commits to you, she doesn't want you and she can start accusing you of something you're not, ruining your image and reputation because of a false accusation. Women, you wait too long for the "right guy" and decide to to "settle" for the men, years later, you weren't attracted to, they're going to reject you. So if any 2 people do have an emotional attachment to each other and want to get married, have kids, and grow old together, you both not only should love each other but also be in your traditional roles. Otherwise, if either one calls it off, chances are, you're not getting them back. Simple as that. Hopefully, this all helps!

[Els]

Uh, what on earth did I just read? 

Do you really think that only people with vaginas have needs, or change their minds about their partners from time to time, or have on-and-off relationships? You think men don't have any needs, don't go through phases in life, and don't ever play games? 

Do you live on planet Earth or somewhere else?

[Lotsgoingon]

Now, we know that women are never happy, and will always have one need after another, but there are some things which are still not clear.. 

Your thinking falls apart right here. 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

13 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Now, we know that women are never happy, and will always have one need after another

I stopped reading after this.