Taken woman start orbiting me after my self improvement

[marcusantonio]

Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some help understanding this situation.

I’ve known this woman since we were both 15 years old. Now we’re 30.
Since her early 20s, she has always been in a relationship with the same man, and today they have three children together.

Over the years, she has always been kind to me, but also quite mysterious. She never wanted to be “friends,” yet she always seemed interested in me.

 

About three years ago, I went through a major personal transformation. I significantly improved myself, both physically and in terms of status and confidence. In short, I grew into my masculinity to become a man. 

Around the same time, I noticed that she seemed completely lost in her relationship and started openly showing interest in me. I kept my distance and clearly told her that she should focus on fixing her relationship, especially since she has children and openly admitted having problems with her partner.

Despite this, she continues to show interest, but now in a hot-and-cold way.

In person, when we meet during the day (we do gym at the same place) she greets me warmly and behaves flirtatiously.
On social media, however, if I message her, she doesn’t reply. She even removed me from seeing her stories, so I can’t see any updates about her life.

At the same time, several friends pointed something out to me that I hadn’t noticed before: whenever I turn away, she almost always stares at me and keeps an eye on me. 

 

This has made me wonder whether she is secretly very attracted to me, or if she is harboring some kind of malicious enchantement toward me.

To be clear, I do not want to start a relationship with a woman who is emotionally conflicted, has children, and an unresolved relationship. However, as a man who wants to grow and understand social dynamics, it’s important for me to understand what is actually happening here.

 

I understand that she may have been interested in me since we were teenagers. What I truly struggle to understand is her current behavior:
why she watches me intensely when I'm turned, without my knowledge, while simultaneously cutting off my access to her life on social media, something I don’t even care about, since I don’t follow anyone’s updates anyway?

What is this behaviour called? Any insights would be appreciated

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, marcusantonio said:

In person, when we meet during the day (we do gym at the same place) she greets me warmly and behaves flirtatiously.

Can you give some examples of her fliratious behaviour? 

What does she do or say that you see as flirty?  

[MsJayne]

Assuming she is actually flirting with you and not just being friendly, it sounds like she might be a bit bored with marriage and motherhood and finds other men attractive, and maybe you're one of them. But, flirty married people are people you need to be wary of, there's a big difference between just being friendly towards people and being flirtatious. Flirtation requires certain types of eye contact and tones of voice, and if she's giving you the glad-eye, perhaps trying to give you the come-on, this should answer your question.......

14 hours ago, marcusantonio said:

What is this behaviour called?

Many things. From her husbands point of view, it's really disrespectful behaviour. From your point of view, the behaviour's called teasing, and from the point of view of onlookers, it's called sleazy and cheap  .  

[Lotsgoingon]

What do YOU want out of this relationship? All this focus on her hides what's going on with you.

 

[flitzanu]

i would focus more on the actual things that are happening like her not responding to messages and blocking your access on social media instead of madeup stories of how she's staring longingly in your direction when you aren't looking.

people have no clue what other people are looking at, she could be staring at the wall behind you, so "staring" is not a viable action or sign to be following.

[ShyViolet]

On 12/18/2025 at 12:48 PM, marcusantonio said:

She never wanted to be “friends,” yet she always seemed interested in me.

Ok so if this woman is not your friend, then why does any of this matter?  If she is being hot and cold, playing games with you, then don't participate in the games.  Stop trying to look at her social media.  Just leave it alone.

On 12/18/2025 at 12:48 PM, marcusantonio said:

However, as a man who wants to grow and understand social dynamics, it’s important for me to understand what is actually happening here.

No it's actually not important for you to understand why she does what she does.  We are not inside other people's minds and we will never know exactly why people do everything that they do.  You'll probably never know.  Your time would be better spent focusing on something else.  If she sees that you are not giving her the attention that she wants, she'll probably move on.

[Els]

Is this the woman whom you were posting about in that other thread? You know... just because "you like to understand how relationships work and think you can learn from other relationships"?

I think you're a bit obsessed with her. You do this whole pseudo-intellectual thing in your posts where you think you're analyzing men and women and other relationships and stuff like that, but really I feel like that's just a cover for the emotional feelings you are experiencing and that you don't know how to deal with.

I'm concerned that she feels the need to block you on social media -- it hints at the fact that you might be in your own dream world about her and are misinterpreting everything that she does. Do you have a therapist? Can you talk to your therapist about this?