Am I overreacting?

[MikeyBP]

I have a little obsession with aftershaves, its my thing and if I find one I really like then I gatekeep for myself.

My friend who i work with asked me what I was wearing and I kinda brushed it off as its a new fave. 

A few days later my girlfriend who also works with us showed a little interest in my new aftershave. She doesnt normally ask about it or where I bought it from, but she did.

My friend hasnt mentioned this aftershave since, even though ive worn it since and purposely brought up fragrances.

 

I cant help shake the fact that my girlfriend has tricked me into telling her what it is, so she could tell my friend. She didnt ask me outright therefore it felt a bit odd. She kinda danced around it. Ive asked her and she said she didnt, she has lied to me before about things so I know she can.

 

Its not about the aftershave, for me its about being tricked and lied to by my girlfriend. I know it sounds trivial but I hate lieing.

 

Am I overreacting?

I know it sounds silly, but if the shoe was on the other foot id have her back and say no to the person asking. Friend or not, as id respect her decision.

 

Im waiting to see if he comes into work smelling like it

Edited December 18, 2025 by MikeyBP

[Sony12]

Yes you are overreacting. Maybe you should be dating your aftershave bottle instead of your girlfriend? And I am failing to see where your girlfriend has lied to you.

Maybe she did get your coworker to find out what kind of aftershave you wear. Why is it such a big deal if she did? Are you pretty secretive with her?

Edited December 18, 2025 by Sony12

[MikeyBP]

14 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yes you are overreacting. Maybe you should be dating your aftershave bottle instead of your girlfriend? And I am failing to see where your girlfriend has lied to you.

Maybe she did get your coworker to find out what kind of aftershave you wear. Why is it such a big deal if she did? Are you pretty secretive with her?

A friend got her to find out my new fave aftershave. She quizzed me on it which she never does. I asked if she was doing it for my friend and she said no. I since spoke to friend about what aftershaves he was getting and he didnt ask about the one I was wearing that he wanted to know the name of so desperately!

 

Ive known both of them for 20 years and I know when they're lieing

 

Its not about the aftershave, its the principle of being tricked and lied to by girlfriend. I know its trivial that I dont like to share my fave fragrances, but its my trivial and she should respect my ways of life as I do hers. 

Edited December 18, 2025 by MikeyBP

[smackie9]

So you don't reveal what the aftershave is because you only want your woman to be familiar with it on you? and with her siding with this gentleman to find out is her deceiving/wronging you? You insecure about this guy/other guys? You want to make sure you are the alpha dog here? keeping people at bay with what you are wearing, and probably among other things? She's just reacting to your behaviour. If you had just told the guy we wouldn't be having this conversation. Yes it does go beyond aftershave. It's your need for control/making a power move. You are flexing over something that is so trivial and you know it. Need to do a self check because this is very damaging to relationships. Have a think about your behavior, your thought process, and how it affects those around you. Learn to share and stop sweating over the small stuff...it would make your life so much easier. 

 

 

 

[MikeyBP]

19 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

So you don't reveal what the aftershave is because you only want your woman to be familiar with it on you? and with her siding with this gentleman to find out is her deceiving/wronging you? You insecure about this guy/other guys? You want to make sure you are the alpha dog here? keeping people at bay with what you are wearing, and probably among other things? She's just reacting to your behaviour. If you had just told the guy we wouldn't be having this conversation. Yes it does go beyond aftershave. It's your need for control/making a power move. You are flexing over something that is so trivial and you know it. Need to do a self check because this is very damaging to relationships. Have a think about your behavior, your thought process, and how it affects those around you. Learn to share and stop sweating over the small stuff...it would make your life so much easier. 

 

 

 

I dont want to reveal it as I love it, it has nothing to do with my girlfriend. I often share new fragrance finds with my friend but I wanted to keep this for myself as I liked it so much

My concern was the lieing, it just felt a little deceitful. I know she told him, it just hurt a little I suppose.

[Sony12]

2 hours ago, MikeyBP said:

A friend got her to find out my new fave aftershave. She quizzed me on it which she never does. I asked if she was doing it for my friend and she said no. I since spoke to friend about what aftershaves he was getting and he didnt ask about the one I was wearing that he wanted to know the name of so desperately!

 

Ive known both of them for 20 years and I know when they're lieing

 

Its not about the aftershave, its the principle of being tricked and lied to by girlfriend. I know its trivial that I dont like to share my fave fragrances, but its my trivial and she should respect my ways of life as I do hers. 

As I said maybe you should be dating your aftershave bottle instead of any of these girls.

[MikeyBP]

48 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

As I said maybe you should be dating your aftershave bottle instead of any of these girls.

So its ok for my girlfriend to lie to me because I want to have a few things in life for me only? 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, MikeyBP said:

So its ok for my girlfriend to lie to me because I want to have a few things in life for me only? 

Her finding out what kind of aftershave you wear isn't exactly a lie. You expect her to let you look at her with no clothes on yet you won't even share info like that with her?

[MikeyBP]

23 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Her finding out what kind of aftershave you wear isn't exactly a lie. You expect her to let you look at her with no clothes on yet you won't even share info like that with her?

She only asked so she could tell my friend who id originally didnt want to tell. But she didn't ask directly, she danced around and then denied it. He asked her to ask me, she complied with him and didnt respect my decision. She chose his side over mine. We should be a team. Imo.

[flitzanu]

i'm having a hard time picturing a world where a friend of 20 years so desperately needs the same aftershave as their friend that they convince a girlfriend to trick and lie someone just to get the name of it.

 

i'm with the others that this...is a bizarre overreaction.

 

the actual question "is lying acceptable" clearly it isn't.  but that's a tenuous question in this scenario.

[MikeyBP]

8 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

i'm having a hard time picturing a world where a friend of 20 years so desperately needs the same aftershave as their friend that they convince a girlfriend to trick and lie someone just to get the name of it.

 

i'm with the others that this...is a bizarre overreaction.

 

the actual question "is lying acceptable" clearly it isn't.  but that's a tenuous question in this scenario.

I know it sounds crazy but my girlfriend NEVER asks about my collection. My friend literally asked 3 times in 1 day and I said no. I often share my collection with him.

2 days later my girlfriend asks what's that new aftershave, I tell her, she asks where I got it from, I tell her. It clicks, I asked why she asked, she said just wondered. I asked if it was due to my friend, she went red, said "noooooooooo" and changed the subject.

Sounds crazy I know, but thats the first time shes ever shown an interest and she loves a lot of my fragrances.

I know my girlfriend and she goes red when she lies.

I just dont like the lieing thats all, its annoyed me. Part of me wonders if im overreacting, another part is annoyed at the fact she chose his side over mine and didnt respect my decision.

Edited December 18, 2025 by MikeyBP

[petee]

Sorry this has happened to you.

i think it’s a genuine case that your friend wants to smell nice, and possibly if he is in an inappropriate relationship with your girlfriend he can know that you won’t pick up on the cologne if it wears on her.

This is not a nice thought, but personally I believe there’s more to this than meets the eye.

[MikeyBP]

13 minutes ago, petee said:

Sorry this has happened to you.

i think it’s a genuine case that your friend wants to smell nice, and possibly if he is in an inappropriate relationship with your girlfriend he can know that you won’t pick up on the cologne if it wears on her.

This is not a nice thought, but personally I believe there’s more to this than meets the eye.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, MikeyBP said:

Am I overreacting?

Yes. 

You are paranoid , shopping for problems, and making a mountain out of a molehill. 

[Els]

I've seen a lot of bizarre posts here over the years, but this one really takes the cake... 

[MsJayne]

Yeah, look, there's many hills to die on, but this isn't one of them. You didn't manufacture the fragrance, and you don't own it. If your girlfriend actually did what you're accusing her of my guess is that she thinks you're super childish for making such a big deal out of your aftershave and told your colleague the name of it just to stick it up you. I'd do the same, and then I'd tip the aftershave out and fill the bottle with Old Spice, (this would make it Old Spite). 

Edited December 18, 2025 by MsJayne

[ShyViolet]

The way you are creating issues out of nothing here is insane.  Are you more interested in being particular about your aftershave, or in having successful and fulfilling human relationships?  Because the way you are being irrational and ridiculous about this aftershave thing is likely to sabotage your relationship and your friendship.

Literally, who cares if your friend knows what kind of aftershave you use, or if your girlfriend asked you what kind it is.  You are being absolutely ridiculous.  It sounds like you really need to learn to recognize when certain things really aren't important, and to let things go.

[Alvi]

In a grand scheme of things this is very little and very insignificant. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the absolute worst that your partner could do to you this is zero.

11 hours ago, MikeyBP said:

I know my girlfriend and she goes red when she lies.

Has she been lying about other stuff (and I am talking about lying about big things) and that is what has been bothering you? Perhaps this is the last straw in your eyes. I wonder if you are just looking for an excuse, any excuse will do, to break up with your GF.

[smackie9]

22 hours ago, MikeyBP said:

I dont want to reveal it as I love it, it has nothing to do with my girlfriend. I often share new fragrance finds with my friend but I wanted to keep this for myself as I liked it so much

My concern was the lieing, it just felt a little deceitful. I know she told him, it just hurt a little I suppose.

That is possessive/secretive tenancies. Like I said...your action is the root of how she and others around you behaves. Don't want to change? You can always find a new GF that is more accepting. 

[Shehaari]

I guess it comes down to intention. For all we know, she could be asking for your friend who wants to surprise you with a gift for christmas  
Does she even know you wanted the aftershave gatekeeped? If she told your friend, it might not have been that big of a deal to her as it is to you.. 
 

[Gaeta]

When l want to keep something private l don't bring it to work. If you wear a cologne of course people will ask what it is. You refusing to name the cologne is a need for attention. 

I envy you if this is your biggest problem in life.

[ryansguy]

This is like a Seinfeld episode. Just ask your girlfriend! If she's your girlfriend, surely you can ask her why the sudden interest in your fragrance