SEEKING SUPPORT: I'm new to this.

[DeborahAnne]

SEEKING HELP: Please be kind. I've never dealt with a situation like this before. I am in need of support. I was seeing a married man from a different state. I met him in early November when he came to NYC for work. He told me he was married on our first date. I didn’t care, I liked him right away. We took our relationship to his hotel where I thought I was just going to stay the night. I stayed 3 days, 2 nights. He told me later how he drew me from a photo of me on my instagram. He took photos of me sleeping. He called me “mi amor.” He is 56, he’s been married for 36 years to a woman who has the same name as me, spelled differently. Three grown male children. He's been trying in therapy to heal the marriage for at least 5 years. He tried to open up the marriage. It looks like his wife said no. At one point he blocked me on the advice of a former therapist who told him he was taking advantage of me. He is very compliant with “authority.” I chased him for a day then cooled down. The next day we did a video call and he said, “are you worth it?” He told me I was the best he would ever find. On December 7th we were texting as normal. I sent him a text that said “I want you but you won’t let me.” Hours later I get a text saying “(my wife) read our entire text history.” She threw him out. She said “you’re dead to me.” He got in his car and tried to kill himself. He stopped and called his psychiatrist who got him admitted to her hospital. He called me before he was admitted and said that he took a nap, he thought his wife put his phone to his face and opened it up. I asked him to let me know he was OK before being discharged. He blocked me, his phone was probably taken away and I haven’t heard anything since. I don’t know if he’s still inpatient, if he’s discharged, if he’s at home. I’m still blocked. Will I hear from him again? Do I reach out to him though I still might be blocked? Will he come back to me? Is he getting divorced? I’ve been in constant pain about this since it happened.

[basil67]

My guess is that he's doing everything he can to win his wife back

[DeborahAnne]

I'm really upset. I should leave.

[BaileyB]

Why are you chasing this married man who has told you that he is not interested? 

This is disturbing to read, for several reasons. I don’t often say this about men who cheat but, leave the poor man alone. 

Edited Thursday at 01:34 PM by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, DeborahAnne said:

He told me he was married on our first date. I didn’t care

If you really seek support, I highly advise getting a good therapist who would help you understand what causes such thinking.

As for your former affair partner, who obviously has serious problems himself, it’s over. Please leave him alone and focus on your issues.

 

[flitzanu]

the takeaway here is that he blocked you.  that's a clear sign he doesn't want any further communication with you and the affair is over.

[IrinaM]

I seriously doubt he's being secluded in a hospital somewhere. He has a wife and children, and he's comfortable. He enjoyed spending time with you for a few days, and wants to do it again sometime, but on his schedule and on his terms. He certainly doesn't want to have any obligations or investment in you, and he doesn't want you disturbing his family Christmas. He could tell you all this, but then you would never see him again. So he fabricates a ridiculous drama that buys him plenty of time and has you waiting on tinderhooks. Now he can go do whatever he wants for a few days a few weeks a few months and then walk back into your life whenever he feels like it.

[YourEyesOnly]

19 hours ago, DeborahAnne said:

She said “you’re dead to me.” He got in his car and tried to kill himself. He stopped and called his psychiatrist who got him admitted to her hospital. He called me before he was admitted and said that he took a nap, he thought his wife put his phone to his face and opened it up. I asked him to let me know he was OK before being discharged. He blocked me, his phone was probably taken away and I haven’t heard anything since. I don’t know if he’s still inpatient, if he’s discharged, if he’s at home. I’m still blocked. Will I hear from him again? Do I reach out to him though I still might be blocked? Will he come back to me? Is he getting divorced? I’ve been in constant pain about this since it happened.

I am going to guess that he is not actually in the hospital, but more than likely used this as an excuse to be off the radar for a few days and not have to tell the truth of why. I think he will more than likely reach out when he’s ready and as tough as it will be for you, ignore him. You are in for a world of hurt that’s not worth it. Block and move on. You may love him, but it’s not mutual. I’m sorry. 

[ExpatInItaly]

21 hours ago, DeborahAnne said:

He told me he was married on our first date. I didn’t care, I liked him right away

You need to get to the bottom of why your standards aren't higher. Most would run for the hills at the first mention of being married. You need to understand why you didn't demand better for yourself right then and there and toss this creep in the reject pile. 

Look, he's been manipulating you since day one. You knew the score and that he was married, but he's been selling you all kinds of BS to go along with it. You, unfortunately, wanted so badly to believe him that you bought it all. 

21 hours ago, DeborahAnne said:

Will he come back to me?

He was never with you in the first place, Deborah. 

21 hours ago, DeborahAnne said:

Is he getting divorced?

No. It's pretty clear he has no intentions  of divorcing.