Age gaps and confusion

[saintsinister]

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

[ExpatInItaly]

It's legal but unlikely to go well. 

Those are two conpletely different stages in life which usually means a long-term relationship isn't a very realistic prospect. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, saintsinister said:

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

I had one relationship like that. I was 39, she was 19.

It’s actually been my longest relationship so far. We stayed together 7 years.

But I can say with certainty that the age gap wasn’t a positive factor. It’s not so much the gap itself but the fact she was too young.

 

[smackie9]

IMO (if you are the later of age) you will be taking away the best years of her life by chaining her to a mature relationship. Her brain is still developing, so let her explore her independance on her own...dating, partying, growing a career, making friends, building a personality/life. 

[Els]

Are you the 18yo or the 38yo?

It doesn't usually turn out well. These age brackets are in completely different stages of life, so it would be difficult to make a long-term relationship work. If it's just casual sex, then not a big deal, but the 18yo also generally has better options.

[saintsinister]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

IMO (if you are the later of age) you will be taking away the best years of her life by chaining her to a mature relationship. Her brain is still developing, so let her explore her independance on her own...dating, partying, growing a career, making friends, building a personality/life. 

i'm the 18 year old. 

[Sony12]

55 minutes ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

If you don't want to just be his sex doll you need to be really sure that he is looking for more than just having an 18 year old sex doll.

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

you are a she and he is a he? or is it a she and a she? 

[Sony12]

33 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

you are a she and he is a he? or is it a she and a she? 

Could be wrong but my guess is the 38 year old is a he. While women like younger men as well they often don't go for teenagers.  Mid to late twenties is usually the age that men start getting advances from older women. I imagine it would be the same for women looking for other younger women.

Edited December 15 by Sony12

[Lotsgoingon]

Nearly impossible. I don't care how "mature" the 18 year old is or how immature the 38 year old is, they are at vastly different points in their lives. The 38 year-old--just by surviving life so far and its disappointments and pains--will be far more jaded and "realistic" than the 18 year-old.

The younger person will always be working hard--unconsciously and consciously--to the older partner (and to show the world!O) that they (the 18 year-old) are mature--which means they can't really be themselves and live as an 18 year-old who needs to engage in the trial-and-error of life and be totally silly from time to time. 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

I don’t want to discourage you, but as someone who’s been on the other side of such a relationship, I feel that I have to warn you of the inherent difficulties.

First, I don’t think that it’s intrinsically impossible to have a happy relationship under these conditions. That girl and I lasted 7 years, the breakup was amicable, and there are no hard feelings or bitterness.

But here is what she said when she broke up with me. She said that she felt she was locked in a cage. That she sensed herself a doll and not a real human being. That she didn’t know life and didn’t have the opportunity to explore it.

Mind you, of course I didn’t physically lock her up or prevented her from pursuing her studies, her hobbies, having her friends, etc. I also definitely didn’t consider her a doll, I had feelings for her and my intentions were to stay with her for good.

The thing is that, no matter how mature you are for your age and how certain you feel about things, at 18 a person isn’t fully formed yet. Life experience is crucial in order to determine what you truly want. Exploration and experimentation are crucial components there.

Now, a 38 year old person usually has had enough experience. Assuming that your love interest has serious intentions and isn’t just looking for sex, he is probably looking for a long-term relationship, possibly even for life.

That glaring discrepancy in life experience and expectations is what causes most such relationship to fail. It doesn’t mean yours will, but you’ll be definitely fighting against the odds. 

 

[basil67]

On 12/15/2025 at 5:56 PM, saintsinister said:

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

What would your parents say?  

If you respect them and they've generally done a good job of raising you, you should trust them on this

[Cocopopz]

Yes to very much. And you barely saw the world at 18 and the older person will take away from your time to do so intentionally or unintentionally. 

Because when you at that young age wanna have fun do stuff you do at your age,the older person is over that stage of life long ago and wanna do serious stuff and can't get along with your life.

You may end up adjusting and wasting time 

At some point also....what grown adult with job and stable life chose a young person....??!

Best is to stay around your age, especially as younger one. Cause you sure got a lot to lose and more easy to be taken advantage of 

[Gaeta]

What your parents think about this?

Young women, and l would not call you a young woman, you're still a teenager, young women like older men because they are confident & have more money and 18 yo are naive and impressionable. On the other hand, a 38 yo man looking to date an 18 yo has some serious issues. These men usually lack maturity, can't sustain a relationship with women their own age because 38 yo women are less easy to manipulate.

At your age you should be discovering and experiencing life together with a boyfriend your age. You should not be groomed to the liking of a man 20 years older who's already expetienced everything.

[SurfCity]

How did you even meet a nearly 40 year old man? 

Does he already have kids? 

If you do go ahead with this, make sure your birth control is on lock. 

[FredEire]

A lot of sweeping generalisations being made here.

Will it work often? No. Thats because those two ages are very different stages of life generally.

But it depends what the two people actually want. Many 18 year olds want to get laid and party and experiment, some don't. If they are worried about being "chained" I don't think theyd seriously consider dating a 38 year old anyway.

It isn't a great basis for a relationship in general but this stuff about people necessarily being in X bracket down to their age is silly. It would help if you provided more context on your actual situation and what's going on.

 

[Gaeta]

13 hours ago, FredEire said:

but this stuff about people necessarily being in X bracket down to their age is silly. 

Not that silly when it comes to teenagers.

If OP was 30 and the man 50 then they do what ever they want. An 18 year old is still in her formative years, her prefrontal cortex  is not finished developping which means she lacks abilities at planning - at decision making - at problem solving - and at controlling impulses. 

What kind of 38 year grown man would wish for a girlfriend that lacks all these abilities? I will tell you...it's one that let his little head leads instead of the head on his shoulders.

I have a daughter that is 38. Her students are 17-18-19 yo. To her, they are not men, they're still kids who thinks drawing penises on the blackboard is funny! 

I also have a 21 yo daughter, my boyfriend has a 17 yo daughter. I'm surrounded by young women and l understand how they mature. 

I bet you OP does not have a strong protective father figure around her. That's how these 38 yo men can date these impressionnable 18 year old.

[Els]

14 hours ago, FredEire said:

It isn't a great basis for a relationship in general but this stuff about people necessarily being in X bracket down to their age is silly.

It's the reality of life. Yes to some extent there are always exceptions, but people like to think of themselves of the exception, when they are usually not.

There are biological realities that we can't deny. The average lifespan, the average healthy lifespan, retirement age, maturation of the brain, etc all play a part in this. A 38-yo is by necessity looking at the second half of their healthy years and working years, and that has immense implications on lifestyle choices and behaviors. An 18-yo's brain has not fully developed and won't fully develop until they are in their mid 20s. Together, these things make for a very problematic relationship dynamic.

Oddly, if the genders were reversed, people would probably be more concerned, asking the OP if he wants kids and telling him that the partner probably cannot biologically have kids. Yet somehow that's the only statistic that people talk about, while often ignoring all the other statistics.

IMO a 38-yo who is specifically pursuing a 18-yo for a relationship, very much does NOT have the 18-yo's best interests in mind.

Edited 18 hours ago by Els

[Sony12]

10 minutes ago, Els said:

 

Oddly, if the genders were reversed, people would probably be more concerned, asking the OP if he wants kids and telling him that the partner probably cannot biologically have kids. Yet somehow that's the only statistic that people talk about, while often ignoring all the other statistics.

 

Actually older women and younger men are often far more compatible with one another then older men and younger women are. When a woman dates a guy 20:or more years younger more times than not she isn't going to be looking for a potential serious relationship from him. And likewise the younger guy is going to be looking for that exact same thing from an older woman. Chemistry is often really good on both sides when they are able to get a long with one another.

When older men and younger women get together they are usually using each other for different reasons. Not the same reason.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Not that silly when it comes to teenagers.

If OP was 30 and the man 50 then they do what ever they want. An 18 year old is still in her formative years, her prefrontal cortex  is not finished developping which means she lacks abilities at planning - at decision making - at problem solving - and at controlling impulses. 

What kind of 38 year grown man would wish for a girlfriend that lacks all these abilities? I will tell you...it's one that let his little head leads instead of the head on his shoulders.

I have a daughter that is 38. Her students are 17-18-19 yo. To her, they are not men, they're still kids who thinks drawing penises on the blackboard is funny! 

I also have a 21 yo daughter, my boyfriend has a 17 yo daughter. I'm surrounded by young women and l understand how they mature. 

I bet you OP does not have a strong protective father figure around her. That's how these 38 yo men can date these impressionnable 18 year old.

I agree that maturity differences and life stages in this case are not a great basis for a relationship. I'm 32 and Im not really looking to date anyone under 25, I wouldn't date anyone who's under 20 full stop as the idea just feels creepy and weird to me.

But if I met someone who was say 21 and it felt like an exception to the rule, I dont think theres any good reason not to see where it went of we both wanted the same things and had a mutual desire to make it work. It wouldn't be what Id be looking for normally but I dont think things should be that rigid.

My issue was just the amount of comments jumping to conclusions of "she's younger she should be experimenting and living it up and he's going to chain her to a relationship" or "he must be a weird old guy preying on younger women".

In addition I have a female friend who's almost 40 now dating a guy in his 20s, and nobody seems to bat an eyelid (nor should they in my opinion), but I know if the roles were reversed she'd probably get plenty of the above comments.

Edited 17 hours ago by FredEire

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

addition I have a female friend who's almost 40 now dating a guy in his 20s, and nobody seems to bat an eyelid

In his 20s like he's 21 or he's 27. There is a lot of growing and maturing between 21 and 29.