Age gaps and confusion

[saintsinister]

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

[ExpatInItaly]

It's legal but unlikely to go well. 

Those are two conpletely different stages in life which usually means a long-term relationship isn't a very realistic prospect. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, saintsinister said:

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

I had one relationship like that. I was 39, she was 19.

It’s actually been my longest relationship so far. We stayed together 7 years.

But I can say with certainty that the age gap wasn’t a positive factor. It’s not so much the gap itself but the fact she was too young.

 

[smackie9]

IMO (if you are the later of age) you will be taking away the best years of her life by chaining her to a mature relationship. Her brain is still developing, so let her explore her independance on her own...dating, partying, growing a career, making friends, building a personality/life. 

[Els]

Are you the 18yo or the 38yo?

It doesn't usually turn out well. These age brackets are in completely different stages of life, so it would be difficult to make a long-term relationship work. If it's just casual sex, then not a big deal, but the 18yo also generally has better options.

[saintsinister]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

IMO (if you are the later of age) you will be taking away the best years of her life by chaining her to a mature relationship. Her brain is still developing, so let her explore her independance on her own...dating, partying, growing a career, making friends, building a personality/life. 

i'm the 18 year old. 

[Sony12]

55 minutes ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

If you don't want to just be his sex doll you need to be really sure that he is looking for more than just having an 18 year old sex doll.

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

you are a she and he is a he? or is it a she and a she? 

[Sony12]

33 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

you are a she and he is a he? or is it a she and a she? 

Could be wrong but my guess is the 38 year old is a he. While women like younger men as well they often don't go for teenagers.  Mid to late twenties is usually the age that men start getting advances from older women. I imagine it would be the same for women looking for other younger women.

Edited Monday at 11:03 PM by Sony12

[Lotsgoingon]

Nearly impossible. I don't care how "mature" the 18 year old is or how immature the 38 year old is, they are at vastly different points in their lives. The 38 year-old--just by surviving life so far and its disappointments and pains--will be far more jaded and "realistic" than the 18 year-old.

The younger person will always be working hard--unconsciously and consciously--to the older partner (and to show the world!O) that they (the 18 year-old) are mature--which means they can't really be themselves and live as an 18 year-old who needs to engage in the trial-and-error of life and be totally silly from time to time. 

 

 

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, saintsinister said:

i'm the 18 year old. 

I don’t want to discourage you, but as someone who’s been on the other side of such a relationship, I feel that I have to warn you of the inherent difficulties.

First, I don’t think that it’s intrinsically impossible to have a happy relationship under these conditions. That girl and I lasted 7 years, the breakup was amicable, and there are no hard feelings or bitterness.

But here is what she said when she broke up with me. She said that she felt she was locked in a cage. That she sensed herself a doll and not a real human being. That she didn’t know life and didn’t have the opportunity to explore it.

Mind you, of course I didn’t physically lock her up or prevented her from pursuing her studies, her hobbies, having her friends, etc. I also definitely didn’t consider her a doll, I had feelings for her and my intentions were to stay with her for good.

The thing is that, no matter how mature you are for your age and how certain you feel about things, at 18 a person isn’t fully formed yet. Life experience is crucial in order to determine what you truly want. Exploration and experimentation are crucial components there.

Now, a 38 year old person usually has had enough experience. Assuming that your love interest has serious intentions and isn’t just looking for sex, he is probably looking for a long-term relationship, possibly even for life.

That glaring discrepancy in life experience and expectations is what causes most such relationship to fail. It doesn’t mean yours will, but you’ll be definitely fighting against the odds. 

 

[basil67]

On 12/15/2025 at 5:56 PM, saintsinister said:

Is 18 and 38 too much of an age gap or a bad thing? 

What would your parents say?  

If you respect them and they've generally done a good job of raising you, you should trust them on this

[Cocopopz]

Yes to very much. And you barely saw the world at 18 and the older person will take away from your time to do so intentionally or unintentionally. 

Because when you at that young age wanna have fun do stuff you do at your age,the older person is over that stage of life long ago and wanna do serious stuff and can't get along with your life.

You may end up adjusting and wasting time 

At some point also....what grown adult with job and stable life chose a young person....??!

Best is to stay around your age, especially as younger one. Cause you sure got a lot to lose and more easy to be taken advantage of