Dumb question about breaking up

[whathappenstomenow]

What exactly am I supposed to do.

 

Am I supposed to talk about it ? I talk about it with my mom a lot but not sure if it helps or hurts, I just feel like talking about it 

 

Am I supposed to listen to songs we listened to together ? Or avoid them

 

Do I avoid places we went or purposefully go ?

 

Do I avoid routes that go past her house ?

 

 

I just want to heal. Should I intentionally try to distract myself with a video game or podcast or something? Or just sit in the pain 

 

 

I feel like I want to move all day and lie in bed all day and cry and scream and I'm sad and mad and confused and idk what's going on

 

 

I keep thinking she will come back and I'm trying to convince myself she's gone but it's like I haven't accepted it yet 

 

 

 

My thought process is that I will have to endure a certain amount of pain from the breakup and then I will be better. I feel like if I'm doing something to distract myself I'm not "using up" any of that pain balance I owe. So I'm wasting time. So I should just sit in the constant misery with thoughts of my ex as long as I can tolerate it. What do you think?

Edited 16 hours ago by whathappenstomenow

[Gebidozo]

In my opinion, definitely avoid anything that reminds you of her as much as you can, and definitely distract yourself.

Keep yourself busy with video games, podcasts, and anything else that you like.

There is no such a thing as having to endure a certain amount of pain in order to feel better later.

From my experience, wallowing in negative thoughts and self-pity is one of the worst things a human being can do to themselves.

[whathappenstomenow]

14 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

In my opinion, definitely avoid anything that reminds you of her as much as you can, and definitely distract yourself.

Keep yourself busy with video games, podcasts, and anything else that you like.

There is no such a thing as having to endure a certain amount of pain in order to feel better later.

From my experience, wallowing in negative thoughts and self-pity is one of the worst things a human being can do to themselves.

By the certain amount of pain I meant.. time heals breakups . But really that is to say our chemistry is altered and the addiction to the person ends. And my idea is that if time went by but we weren't actively in pain - for example if we drank or otherwise  numbed ourselves - we would make no progress.

The progress is made in the actual pain of memory.. so if you're playing a video game and not thinking about it, you're not healing

 

Just like if you're distracting with alcohol you won't heal, if you're distracting with anything you don't heal

Edited 16 hours ago by whathappenstomenow

[Gebidozo]

20 minutes ago, whathappenstomenow said:

The progress is made in the actual pain of memory.. so if you're playing a video game and not thinking about it, you're not healing

 

Just like if you're distracting with alcohol you won't heal, if you're distracting with anything you don't heal

I disagree. My brother used to have a pretty serious smoking addiction and at one point circumstances forced him to stop smoking completely for almost a month (he was lying on a hospital bed with a badly broken leg). He was very much distracted with other things, unrelated to smoking, and then simply got used to a life where he only smokes in moderation.